“Teach me how to let go.” // if i ever find the answer, i’ll let you know // I will see you again.

“People change like the season and sometimes you need to accept the fact that the person you used to know is not the same anymore. Like the part of them that you used to see everyday is gone. But life goes on and you’ll be okay without them.” — it took me a long time to realize this

the sad truth is
even though i try
to find someone new.
i always end up looking
for someone who is
just like you.

You are so lucky" she mumbled under her breath.

“You have many people that loves you. You have a home to go back to. 

“I leave the lights on when I sleep, not because I’m afraid of the dark.
It’s because I still believe that you would, one day, come home because you are homesick.
And you’ll go to my bedroom and turn off the lights.
Then you’ll slip under my blanket and lean your face on the back of my neck,
And say “I missed you.”
But these delusional lies and made up scenarios that I make up won’t make you come back.
Because you are like a rushing river, you don’t stop for no one.” — lm // please, stop for me.

 I don't think we were in love but I know we could've been. he lives half way across the world but we were together for one drunken night on vacation and he talked to me every day for months after. he told me he dreamt about me and i said he was my dream. but now we've stopped talking and I guess he woke up but I haven't. I'm still dreaming

it’s kind of scary how we are in the exact situation. the girl that i like (who likes me back) seems to be over me. on the other hand, i’m still falling. im still having doubts about everything and whenever i think of her; my world seems to crumble and my reason for existing seems to not exist anymore. i know the feeling of having horrible thoughts of “what if’s” and having an epiphany in which i realize that we could have been. God, we could have been, but did not. But the only logical thing to do now is to move on. Even though it’s hard. 

(wake up my dear anon. it’s time for you to face the fact that he’s gone. it will be hard, indeed, but everything will be okay. life is full of possibilities and chances; and the boy who left you hanging has lost someone that truly gives a damn about him.)

He took a sip of his beer and said “The past has this funny way of making you feel more comfortable and more at ease.”

He put the glass down and looked somewhere in the distant. 
He wiped the tears that began to stream down his face and said “Even with the fact that it will never happen again, it still makes me ecstatic. Maybe that’s what I like about nostalgia. It’s a sweet form of lie – an ephemeral kind of lie. And I’m in love with it.”

He then drank the remaining alcohol from the glass.
With his voice all shaky and which was about to crack, he uttered
“I’m in love with it because in the past, I was in love with this girl and she loved me back.

“One day, I will write something and you will know it is about you in an instance. You will read it and think “oh god it’s me”. Every sentences will hit you hard and you will be unable to read further. Your heart will slowly shatter in your hand and tears will start to fall. You will realized that I was truly hurt, that I truly cared, that I truly loved. It will destroy you in the most beautiful and subtle way. Then, I hope, you will understand what I really felt. You will start to realize that every hellos that I have said are i love yous I was too afraid to say. And that every goodbyes that we parted with are the number of times that my heart was broken. But despite the brutal truths, despite the unforgiving words that are strung together on a blank sheet of paper; you will still sense a glimpse of my affection. Affection that has lingered by and it seems that it will never go away. But don’t you see darling? Even though you told me to give up on you, my heart will still shout your name. My mind will still continue to run memories that we have shared at 2 am. And I will not write you only one heart shattering piece, I will write you more. Until the purpose of why I write will be: you.” — lm // valirie

I guess  it is quite true that within a year, a person can change drastically.“ she said.

"They change into this person that you cannot even imagine. The part that you used to see in them vanished. Vanished feelings and an overwhelming void now fills the closeness that you once had with this person.  And you try so goddamn hard to pull that person back in, to keep that person close.  Ironically, this person tries to break free from your grasp - pushing you away further and further and further. Until they become a blurry  silhouette among the people you lost too.”

“Why are you telling me this?” he asked.

She looked at him.  Tears visible in her eyes and while she was holding back her tears, she said “Because that so called person is you. No matter how hard I try, it is still enough. We’re still slowly drifting and you’re not doing anything about it. Goddamn it, please give me a sign that you still want me in your life.

” — lm // lines from a book i will never write

“I have wasted my time contemplating about memories that everyone seems to easily forget.” — lm // pondering

“We used to tell each other our secrets every night. We used to make each other smile when it seems that it is impossible to do so. We promised each other that we will grow old together and we will be in love forever. But now I cannot even walk pass by you without my heart getting shred to pieces. I do not even dare to make eye contact with you because I am afraid that you will  see a glimpse of affection that I still have for you. Darling, I had loved you so much and I still do. I am hurting badly and I need you.” — lm // cries from my broken heart

She looked at the same green eyes that she fell in love with for the last time. She looked at the pair of green eyes that made her like the color green.

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. His hands shook; wanting to hold his past lover’s hand one last time. But seeing the moment was not right, he looked at the pair of blue eyes that made stars fell like rain.

“Please come back. Let us start this all over again. Let us start by saying our hello’s, hoping we will not partway with a goodbye. But instead, we will say goodnight and you will wrap your arms around me and hold me tight.” — lm // lost lover, unchanged feelings.

She said “ life’s a gamble, but you’re worth the risk.”

She said “a life with you is worth living.”

She said “ I love you, do you love me too?”

He said “I’m sorry but I don’t.

“Since the day we met, I let you changed me in every possible way. You changed me so many times that I cannot even recognize my own damn self.” — lm // i should have left you

“To the person who is behind every poems that I have written through out the years, this is for you. I have written you pieces that was carved on my bones, dragged along the edges of my skin, and is sang by every beat that my heart makes. Now you might see this as cliche and irrational but darling you were the only rational decision that I have made in life. I clung on to you like I’m somewhat a part of your skin but in reality, I’m afraid that some day you’ll get tired of me. You make me weak. So goddamn weak. You taught me everything about love but you didn’t taught me how to live without your touches, without your kisses, without your existence. Every now and then people would look at me different as if a part of me is missing and I can’t blame then because there is a huge gap on my chest where you used to be. And when you ask every single person I know about how I love, they will tell you I don’t love that deep. But you were the only exception. This is for you, the person who is behind the broken cries that are written in an eloquent way. Words full of sorrow that are hidden in metaphors. An anecdote of the greatest love story I know. You.” — “write about the person who inspires you to write poems” [lm

“why do you love the stars so much?” she asked me.
“Because your eyes reminds me of them. And whenever I’m lonely, I just look at the night sky and imagine you staring back at me.”

It’s 1 am.
All I could think about is you.
The soft touch of your skin,
Your gentle voice that lulls me to sleep
And the last words you told me before you left.

It’s 1:34 am.
I cannot breathe.
I keep choking on my tears
And my lips are swollen from biting them too hard
To prevent myself from uttering a sound.

It’s 1:46 am.
I’m falling apart.
You promised me forever,
But I guess your definition of forever is merely 6 months.

It’s 1:58 am.
Is it possible for someone 
To be able to live with a broken heart?
Is it possible for someone
To cause so much damage 
That they tear a person’s world apart?

It’s 2:14 am.
Where are you?
Please come back.
I miss you.

It’s 2:30 am.
I think I should sleep.

“Don’t let yourself burn
For people who are not worthy
Of your fiery soul.” — to set ablaze

“I think I will miss you forever and I think I will regret that the most.

“Please don’t go" she begged as she hold back her tears.
“Can you please stay?” she asked with a crack in her voice.
The whole room fell in silence as if no one was there.
And with the faint sound he makes as he shut the door, she found the answer.”

“But why?” she screamed.
“Why did you made me feel so goddamn special if you were going to leave?

. I believed that if i dont text you at all, maybe you’ll be the one to strike up a conversation. Maybe if I admit that I dont miss you at all, you’ll call me at 3 in the morning and tell me that you have missed my voice. Maybe if I pretend that I don’t love you - maybe, just maybe - you’d pretend that you love me.” — oh the irony

“All I ever wanted was for you to kiss me goodnight.
But instead you left me without even saying a goodbye.”

“I think my problem is I hold on too tight. I hold on to memories that everyone eventually forgets.”

“It is true that I wanted you to go away. But I wish you knew that all I wanted was for you to stay.”

“Dear beloved, if you ever find the reason why you had to leave, please know that I’m always waiting for you. Along with the stars that I stole from the night sky to light your way home.” — to guide you back to me

“You told me you love the stars.
So I became the stars themselves.” 

— i will light your way home

Dear heart, someday you’ll ache for someone that is worth it.
Dear hands, someday you’ll write about someone who loves us back.
Dear mind, someday all the bad thoughts will vanish.
And dear self, one day you’ll be fine and be able to love once again.”

“I tried to forget you.
I tried scrubbing you off my skin,
Until my skin was red and felt raw.
I tried drinking until my vision went hazy
But god damn it, I still see you everywhere and in everyone.
I tried to get rid of your taste from my mouth,
Smoking nearly everyday; smoke slowly filling up my lungs
Hoping it will get rid of the air we exchanged for those moments that we kissed.
I tried everything to get rid of you out off my system.” — i tried to forget you

my head hurts and i wrote a thing for you once again

“If my memory fails to remember what we had.
Don’t worry love, for your name will be
Forever engrave in my heart,
And your smile will be tattered in my soul.

“Some days I’m cold as snow
Some days I’m calm like the sea.
Some days I’m a mess like a hurricane
Leaving bruises and disastrous trails.
And some days I’m nothing at all.” 

“I’m in love with the moon
But i’m merely a star.”

Flashbacks have a silly yet painful way to remind us that we are not really okay.” — i though of you tonight.

“Out of all the things that I lost, I miss you the most

“And I never thought
That forgetting you was like
Trying to forget how to breathe.” — i cant do it.

“In a sea of people that I have met, I still look for you

somethings never change

“If you’re going to leave,
Take my heart with you.
Take these butterflies that you
Gave me too for I don’t
Need anything that will
Remind me of you.
I hope one day you’ll
come back to me; back in to my arms.
But for now, I hope that you’ll
find what you’re looking for.
Damn it, it’s so painful.
But I guess I’ll see you then.

“I turned my blood into ink to write you letters that you don’t even bother to read.”

“You asked me
Why do I like rainy days so much.
Darling, It’s because it reminds me of you. 
Cold yet so beautiful.”

Just because of someones words;
When words doesn’t mean anything anymore.
Now, I’ll love myself much better, I’ll try
To reach for the stars and not giving a fuck if I fall.
I will love harder, I will try harder, I will live better,
And I’ll try to appreciate life even more.
Aren’t you proud of me?

Even if you break my heart
Into tiny little pieces;
I will try and put it back together, piece by piece
And I’ll put it back in your hand.

If you shout at me
For no reason at all;
I will listen carefully and
I will try to understand you.

If you ever forget or if you ever
Feel that you are not loved and you’re all alone,
I will kiss every part of your body while breathing
“I love you” between every kiss.

If there comes a time
That your feeling for me will
Change like the seasons,
I will not say goodbye
In hope that you will come back
To where you belong.
Which is in my arms; your home.

“I write to forget
The people that I have lost
And clearly, it is the complete
Opposite of forgetting.”

“I want to look at you with happiness not pain.

“I was too busy
looking for my so called “soulmate”
that i failed to realize
that she was standing in front of me
the whole time.”

Do you even know that? Maybe you’re just busy for you to notice. Too busy to notice all the letters I sent you, too busy to notice me in front of you saying hello, you’re just too damn busy to notice me. But that’s okay my darling, I will still love you even though you treat me like this, a second option. To tell you the truth, I still imagine what it feels like for your heart to beat with mine while we sleep at night together.

I’m really sorry if i couldn’t make you stay. I tend to find myself saying the right things when it’s too late. I’m sorry if I couldn’t make you happy but I hope that you will meet the one who will make you feel that. I’m sorry if my best is not good enough. I’m sorry for loving you too much that I didn’t notice that you need space, that you need your own time for yourself. I’m sorry for apologizing too much. I’m really sorry. Please come back.

“I’m pathetically hoping for something that is never going to happen.”

I just hate saying it. Goodbye means leaving someone and you might never see that person again. I don’t want to say goodbye, instead I will say “i will see you again” because I can’t bear to think that this might be the last time that I will ever see you.

I notice that you don’t smile like you used to or even laugh. I hope you’re okay. You always say that you’re fine but I don’t believe you. I can see the pain in your eyes even though you’re smiling. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it. Just remember I’m always here for you. I love you and I hope you get better soon.

“I have seen you at your best and I have seen you at your worst. Darling, I still think that you’re wonderful.”

because i can’t look at you without remembering all the happy memories that we once had that will never happen again.

But i don’t have the courage to say it to you because your answer might not be the same. That all this time, I didn’t even cross your mind. So i’ll just stay quiet. i just want you to know that that every time i smile at you, in the inside im screaming “i miss you.”

“How can I forget you if all that I can see reminds me of you?

“It’s sad how you don’t even remember me at all

“I had you but then I lost you.

I was dumbfounded. I didn’t even realize I was staring at you until you looked into my direction and smiled. I smiled back at you with a peaceful face, but inside I’m screaming. That was the happiest 30 seconds of my life.

I will do my best to make you happy again. I will write hundreds of reason why you are important to me, write poems about you and how you changed my life, sing you songs even though i have a terrible voice and i will come to your house with some dvd’s and with your favorite chocolate. i know this might sound cheesy and corny but i will seriously do these things because you’re that important to me and i want you to be happy all the time.

I never really get it why people cry because of a certain someone. How they cry their eyes out and they always say “my best was not enough”. I never really get it until I met you, got you, then lost you. You were once the reason why I’m smiling but now, you’re the reason why there are tears falling.

No matter what lie I tell myself, I cant forget you. I can’t accept the fact that you’re gone. I just don’t know what to do because I used to do all the things that I like with you. And now, I can’t even do these things without feeling like I have been stab in the heart. I know writing out what i feel will not help me forget you. Because as I was writing this, all i could think about was you.

It’s hard to be the one who always wait, who always love too much and who always care too much. Because all of these things will cause too much pain.

i never really knew how “powerful” this phrase is, until i heard it come out of someone. i only know the consequence of loving something too much and not the positive outcome of it. maybe i’m just too uptight about so many things.  so thank you for making me realize this things. i just want you to know that you just made my night and i hope life is treating you better too. thank you again.

I miss our silly conversations late at night. i miss our silly jokes. i miss your adorable laugh, i miss your smile, i miss the way your eyes light when you see me, i miss everything that involves with you. the sad thing is, i dont even know if you’re missing me too.

You’ll keep forgiving the one you love till you hate them

"You never realize how much someone means to you, until you mean nothing to them."

"I hope my absence haunts you."