And the saddest thing is that you never even said goodbye. You just didn’t show up the next day or the next day or the next day. The saddest thing is that you didn’t even tell me you were leaving. You were just gone. // "Is she naked because you love her or do you love her because shes naked?"

 People choose who is wrong for them. That’s why I chose you and that’s why you chose her. 

 I know that it’s wrong to love you, but since when have our hearts ever listened to the kind of logic that our minds describe? 

 There’s a poet in all of us, you just need to experience great pain to unlock great accomplishments. 

 I love you. The words were on the tip of my tongue as you said goodbye. But, how am I supposed to say it when you smile while leaving me? 

 I don’t hate you. I wish I could. It would be so much easier if we could just walk away knowing that there’s nothing between us. But we both know that’s not the case. 

 I loved you, God damned it, why couldn’t you realize that? 

 You lied to me like I was nothing and I returned to you like I was nothing. That’s the only thing we had in common. We both knew how desperate I was. 

 I still remember you. I remember the way you used to whisper in my ear sweet little nothings. I remember the way your arms felt like home to me. But I also remember the way you left me; without a care in the world. I remember the way my heart felt after you left. And I remember how much you didn’t even care. I remember when I asked you if you were okay afterwards, you just kept on walking. That was answer enough. 

 Just because you forgot about me so easily doesn’t mean I can just go and forget about you. 

 You were so damn charismatic that you could have made me think that I wanted you to break my heart. 

 We had something. It wasn’t love, but I believe one day it could’ve been. I believed in you. I believed in us. But you never did. 

 I didn’t beg for you because I could see it in your eyes that you were tired. Tired of me. Our relationship. So I didn’t beg for you to take me back and now you’re asking me why I didn’t fight for us? You gave up on me. I may not have begged to you, but when I got home I sat down and cried for hours to God for you to take me back. 

 And she knew. 
She knew that nothing she could ever say or scream or cry would every bring him back. She knew that the pain in her chest would be a constant reminder of what she couldn’t do. And so she let the pain devour her from the inside, hoping he would see, hoping he would care. 
And he didn’t. 

 You’re name was written on my heart and no matter how many names I write on top of it, yours will always come first. You will always come first. 

 Last night I got so drunk I couldn’t even remember my own name. Somebody asked me if there was somewhere I wanted to go. And I said your name. The thing I’ve been trying to forget for years. 

 I just want to know if you miss me too. 

 One day you are going to come running back to me, or so all these tumblr quotes say, and I’m supposed to hurt you the way you hurt me and push you away? But I don’t want to. I can’t even let you back in because I never let you out. You ripped your way out and now there’s this giant hole in my chest that you can come to and fro with ease. I know that if I see you begging me to take you back no matter how strong I am, no matter how many times I said that I wasn’t going to, I know that I would take you back with open arms. I know this because I have never stopped loving you. So please if you leave me, don’t come back. 

“I knew you didn’t love me
and I stayed anyway,
because I hoped that
there would be enough time
for you to see that I was still
everything that you once
thought of me.”

When it comes to running,
she knows best. Always
anticipating the right time
to pull her heart out of the
story, leaving me empty and
dry for a love that no longer
knows my name.

“I want to love you
but I’m drowning
in your absence
in your silence and
in your devouring
means of draining
all the life out from
the depths of my chest.”

“My life’s favourite stories
will consist of the times
that I remember what it
felt like to love you.”

I dream sometimes
that there will come 
a day where I don’t
find myself running
back to you.

“No one asks about you anymore
and I think it’s because I stopped
looking for reasons to bring your
name up in conversations.”

“I don’t believe that there will
ever be another love like ours.”

“I’ll keep writing lines
that say I hope you
are happy without me,
but there will never be
someone I would rather
see you with than me.”

Do you remember all those times
we used to talk about when we
were finally going to be together?
We used to type it out in text
messages to one another, speak it
over the phone and even write
it into the lines of our own
personal poetry.

Now that I am looking back at it,
at all of these memories full of lust
and anticipation, I cannot believe
that we took our time together
for granted. We went from lovers
to perfect strangers, and that
was a relationship that I never
thought we would know again.
I know that you blame yourself
and trust me darling,
I blame myself too.

We suffocated each other with
silence and have held regret
in our hearts for the last year
spent apart for all of the things
we never said. I wish there were
a way to forget our past and
discover a new kind of love
in one another that could redefine
this lingering feeling inside
of my chest.

I want to go back to those times,
want to live inside of those infinite
moments of longing for your presence
and wishing on every 11:11 that you
were next to me.

”

— "I wonder where we would be if we could do it all over," 

It has never mattered
where each line begins
or how I choose to write
these aches from within.
Every poem sounds like
you.

“I cannot stop drowning
in the sadness that comes
from loving you in memory.”

I have no interest in casual relationships. I have lost the ability to see the allure to weighing desire, or uncharted territory. I would much prefer your stability. I imagine my lips consuming every inch of your skin, sheltering you in warmth and adoration as the sun beings its daily caress with the earth. It rises and begins its saturation of the recently awakened earth reflecting rays of light and tenderness. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee and hazelnut will circulate throughout the air, but our only care will be which destination to explore on each others skin next. I imagine your bed hair.

You can wrap your legs between my sheets and your hands can find a home within mine as you lock your hold on the parts of me that are the least delicate. My fingertips could trace the outline of your perfectly mastered beauty, bringing your heart to a slow incessant beat. We will leave all sense of realism and reality on the porch as we perfect the art of compulsively making love.

Your body will find peace and serenity within the limits of my life.

04 January 2015

“Tell me all the secrets
that you have always
felt the need to keep
to yourself. Wrap your
words around the lines
of my palms; I promise
to always keep them
safe. If you let me,
I swear to love every
side of you that remains
unseen.”

“As far as I can see
there are shadows
where you should be.”

“The year is almost over
though I won’t make any
resolutions. Instead I’ll
promise myself to find
a love that doesn’t devour me.
I know you will be happier
this way, happier living
a life without me.”

— "I’ve never followed through on my resolutions,

“I loved you
long before
I understood you.”

You were supposed to stay
after you learnt about all of
the things that make me so
dark and hard to love, but
instead you chose to run
and teach me a lesson
about choosing a man who
has only ever been concerned
with protecting himself.

I am holding onto hope
that maybe you are not
quite ready to forget me.

I see her around every corner
and behind every closed door
and I pray that as I grow older
her face will begin to find a new
home on the walls of someone
else’s mind. I have never been
the type with a heart strong
enough to love a woman as
deserving as she was, and so
I hope that as my presence
begins to disintegrate, she will
find a new lover that redefines
what she anticipates for romance.
She will find better than what
I have ever been able to offer.

“No matter how many times
we walk away from each other,
finding you again will always
be on my mind.”

“Your silence hurts more
than your words ever did.”

“I’m tired of trying to erase
the memories of who you
used to be.”

Everything I try to say comes out as the same old story of how I wish you had stayed. I keep wishing that you’ll tell me that it was all a mistake and that you’re not as happy as you seem to be without me, but the reality of it all is that you don’t look back to our memories and miss me. I crave you, even when I hate you, and I’ve never felt myself choose to love something so destructive. They told me that I would lose myself in loving you, and they were right. I’ll never try to run away from this. I think I would rather let this sadness drown me than ever forget the taste of your lips. So when you hear that I’m moving on, baby please remember this. You’ll always be the only one on my mind, and the only thing that consumes my time is your memory.

I cannot continue to chase
the memories of who we
used to be, though I also
cannot drown out the way
my name sounds whenever
it crosses your delicate lips.
I struggle to define the line
between what I want and
what I need, but in the end
no matter what road I choose
I know that I will always end up
finding my way back to you.

You have always been right in saying
that these feelings are amplified when
you’re not around. I never knew I could
be in the wrong for missing someone more
when they’re gone.

(III)
I know that you feel like loving me
is a choice, and so I hope you’ll
understand when I fight to my dying breath
to prove to you that there will always
be pieces of us that will remain invested
in this memory.

(IV)
You’ll never forget me entirely. 

I miss you but you make me so fucking sad and I don’t know how to let go of that.

I know you are trying to move on but I wanted to tell you that tonight I kissed three men and none of them came close to tasting as good as you.

You are growing and I am supposed to sit here and pretend like I am not proud to watch you thrive. You have grown into something far beyond what we ever imagined.

I know you never meant to but you fucking hurt me, and I wish you would just say you were sorry for that. I wish you could see that I deserve to hear it once.

A good time to say goodbye,

The distance helped
to blur the lines between
what was real and what
I thought up in a dream,
and soon I began to see
you with new lovers that
made you happier than you
seemed to be with me.
The truth is I was insecure
in our love, and I was afraid
that someone else would
make you feel like you had
daisies growing from your
fingers. I became too afraid
of losing you to be the same
woman I was when you fell
in love with me. I know that
I lost you because of this.

I never wanted to change you,
I wanted you to see that I was
already everything I knew how
to be, and I wasn’t giving up
on the things you needed from
me, I just didn’t know how
to give more than I already was.
It was never about you not
being enough, but rather
about me not being enough
of what you believed I was.

“I should have known better
than to put everything I had
into a love that you
were never sure you wanted.”

You loved me once.
I wish I could ask
if that is something
that you have so easily
forgotten.

I wonder if you have
replaced the emptiness
on the opposite side
of your bed.

I have nightmares that fade
into memories and they
are fleeting. I fall endlessly
into mourning.

I cannot feel you anymore.

“I cannot let you go because
we are not finished. Sometimes,
I believe we were never meant
to find our proper ending,
and that maybe we were never
meant for goodbyes.”

“I am afraid I’ll never meet
someone like you again.
The presence of your magic
is something that I will never
wish to rid of.”

You’ve always hid the truth
in pretty lies laced with flowers
hoping that when you placed
them in my hands, the thorns
wouldn’t pierce my fingers.
I’ve never minded much,
because I’ve always loved
the tragic beauty behind things
that were never meant to last.

“And no matter
what my mind desires,
my heart will always
be a place for you
to call home.”

someone like me,
a woman so broken
that she chose to run
when she realized
that love wasn’t enough.”

I am still trying
to forgive you
for making me feel
like loving me
was nothing more
than a means
of keeping yourself
from loneliness.

“There will always
be a part of me
that is waiting
to love you again.”

If remembering me
does nothing more
than make you bitter
about all of the things
I was never able to be,
then I would rather you
not hold on to me at all.

I am not interested in a life without nights like this, 

1. Never let anyone convince you
that you are wrong for feeling anything
that you feel. You must advocate for
your heart and mind. You must accept
and acknowledge everything that
you feel to truly own yourself.

2. Do not shut yourself down.
Love comes in all forms,
and it does not always present
itself in ways we automatically
understand.

3. Allow time for progress.
Give life a chance to layout
the stepping stones of success
before you turn around and
throw your heart to the ground
for not listening.

4. Allow every relationship to curve
your definition of what love is for you,
but never lose sight of what is true.

5. Love yourself first. There will always
be someone new to fill the space
that you long to overwhelm with affection,
but the most important kind of love
comes from within.

6. No matter what you do,
do not give up. Love is never easy.
I promise you that you will come out
of this stronger. Some day,
all of this will be worth it.

"Six lessons I have taught myself about love,"

“Your happiness was not an illusion.
I will never stop trying to prove to you
that everything we ever wanted
will always be within our reach.”

I have accepted
that there will never
be enough time
to rid the presence
of your absence
from every aching
remaining piece of me.

"My voice became too soft when you were around.

“Lovers come, and lovers go, but your name is a name that I will always know.”

7:00 A.M.
I think back to that morning and I see you in your orange tiger T-shirt with your hair a mess, and your mind still half asleep. The warmth in your sheets reminds me of something familiar, as if I was always meant to wake up in that space next to you.

12:00 P.M.
I spent the day creating memories of my own in your home. I listened as your Father shared stories with me of how he found his true love and how he built his life from the ground up. I am not sure I ever told you this, but he told me that he believed I was good for you. If only he knew that my love was rooted far beneath the surface of friendship.

8:00 P.M.
We are sitting on your bed, there is distance between us and the silence is suffocating me. I am holding my knees to my chest. My body is shaking; you are quiet. I ask you if you still love me, and you tell me that you are not sure that you ever did.

”

— "The best, and the worst day"

“I still believe in love, I just no longer believe in loving you.”

 I cannot keep waiting
       for you to decide
  that you want me. 
      I cannot keep waiting
    for you to change 
            your mind.

“There will never be any use in trying 
to love anyone else like I love you.”

“I am thinking about her. I am thinking about her even though I don’t want to think about her. I am thinking about her because I can’t forget her, because I continue to look back at her. She is the only one. I can’t let go of what once was and what will never be again. I can’t face the fact that she is gone gone gone, I can’t face that it was me who drove her away. I was with her. I loved her. I drove her away. I am thinking about her even though I don’t want to think about her.”

— James Frey, A Million Little Pieces

“I pray that you remember me
as the woman that would always
love like it would never fail her.”

“You would be
a fool to believe
that anyone could
love you like I used to.”

 I hope you find someone
          that makes you love life
        more because of them,

            and I hope you never
    have to learn to live again
          after your time with them. 
     I hope you never feel
         the same loss that I felt
               when I lost you.

I am tired of loving.
I want someone to offer me their bed
and then keep me warm in it.

I understand that in our time together, you came to realize that you no longer loved me. My presence made you feel nothing, and the ache to taste the colours of my skin disintegrated. Our time together taught you that you were ready to pull yourself out of my arms, and find a home in someone that means nothing to you.

You were ready to start over. I don’t blame you for that. I never have. Sometimes love isn’t enough. I admit that at times it hurts to think that soon you will be working to replace my home in your memory with someone new, but I cannot keep hovering. I am sorry if I have changed how you think of love. I hope you hear me when I say that I always meant for it to be true, but somewhere we lost touch of each other. We went from being a team to fighting on opposite sides of the war.

I mean it when I say that I understand your need to move on to someone that understands what it means to love you in the ways that you need them to. Your desire to create fuels you to inspire and you don’t hear it as often as you should but you are absolutely beautiful. I know you deserve more than I could ever give you, but for what it’s worth, I gave you every part of me in every way that I knew how

I always hoped that my presence
would act as a reminder that you
do not always have to be so alone.”

I should have left your memory in the clouds, 

You will always be

a perfect memory


of a first love

gone wrong.

I use humor to cover up the fact that I want to jump off a bridge

remember: always leave time in ur schedule for crying

it’s 2015 stop acting like you need sex to have a good relationship

it’s 2015 stop acting like you need love to have sex

it’s 2015 stop acting like sex is a basic human need

it’s 2015 stop acting like everyone wants or needs to fall in love

it’s 2015 stop acting like asexuals and aromantics don’t exist

"I just want someone who won’t get annoyed when I text them six times or in all caps. Someone I can go on long drives with and can sing along to the radio with. Someone I can eat pizza with at 2am and kiss at 6pm. Someone who chooses me everyday and never thinks twice about it."

why can’t friends be nude around each other 

or take bubble baths together

or swim nude

or send nude selfies when they’re feeling confident

without it being weird

why must everything be sexualized 

why can’t we just be comfortable in our own skin and leave it at that

normalize the human body goddammit

Some things, once you’ve loved them, become yours forever. And if you try to let them go… they only circle back and return to you. They become part of who you are, or they destroy you."

sometimes i’m so busy for all thing romantic. don’t expect me to have time for you, i don’t even have time for me.,

I think everything in life is art. What you do. How you dress. The way you love someone, and how you talk. Your smile and your personality. What you believe in, and all your dreams. The way you drink your tea. How you decorate your home. Or party. Your grocery list. The food you make. How your writing looks. And the way you feel. Life is art.

It’s funny how today you might have just discovered how shallow you’ve always been.

You fall for those models online never know who they really are, or what has actually happened before all the photo got out to public.

You chase after the modified beauty without the will to learn what all could be.

And of course, you left the girl who could have love you most in the world to a model who followed you back on Instagram.

— Today you learned, and today I also learned I am better off for good without you., bbb

Dont you dare.
Dont you tell me everything was nothing at all.

I know,
painfully i do,
that your intention might not mean anything it could have been,
it might have.

But don’t you ever dare do this to me,
saying your words were just wind and
everything never happened between us.

We were young.
I,
were young
But oh boy,
I was never too young to love you.

I’m sorry, I’ve moved on.

I’m sorry,
You might have just lost somebody who would be anywhere, and everywhere, for you, forever.

— You’ve never try to make me stay anyway. (

You worth a galaxy.
Don’t waste your time on a piece of some falling planet.

You speak eloquently, pouring out your heart.

If I were naïve, I’d be carried away by your words. Such pleading can befuddle someone. You thought out what you were going to say here, didn’t you?

This is just the beginning of love, and you can already die for it.

You’re telling me you’ll never desert me until your dying day. You braved the forest because of love.
You live in constant melancholy.

— Phimpilalai to Phrai Kaew, the exert of Khun Chang, Khun Phaen.

Loss because there’s something gone that I used to believe? I really don’t think so. I think it’s a gain. It’s a gain of a wider perspective. It would be like saying do you feel rather sad that we know the Earth’s not flat any more? No, actually, I feel rather better knowing the Earth’s round. It’s more interesting.

— Talking on the idea of “Loss”., Philip Pullman

I fall unconsciously a little and little for people because of their thoughts. This might be my tragic story but I just keep on falling down for those words, feelings and ideas being expressed.

— Through books, through music, through your souls 

I had a dream about you again. It was so sad.
In a dream it was just like us again,
we were so close, so so close,
but we can never be closer,
than almost

— dreams are good for you, as well as they are bad for you

I know it’s never easy to move on. It always seems like you’re constantly finding someone to replace that one person. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but trust me you just have to give it a go.

We’re being touched by ways we’ve never ever allowed them to; physically, verbally, mentally.

We get touched every day by the way we’re getting through life, that is how we exist:

They send out neutral eye contacts, bitter smile, disdainful look, greetings or some friendly nods in balance out of their curiosity, bad day, good day, heartbroken moment, delighted mood or their very very tired situation. No related bad tone to bad outcome, never. The touches we received are touches of choices and incidents.

"I don’t eat desserts anymore," I say
“And I don’t skip class.
I don’t get mad at the world
But I still think it’s sometimes unfair.”

It’s only been a little over six months
But things have changed.
You are still you
But I am not the girl you met in March.

"I’m still busy with work," you say
“And I’m still traveling.”
I understand; it was never me.
It was always you.

— 

A Story A Day #296 by

I’m holding on to the words you spoke in this ocean filled with right actions, wrongdoings, misinterpret signal and scratches of what might be your true intentions.

— I don’t know when but I’m letting my hands off it soon. 

10th April 2013
Today
one year back
I met you for the first time.
We shook hands
and you told me your name and I
didn’t even catch it,
or bothered to ask for it again.
How can you become so important
to me then?

— I wasn’t even pay attention  

I’m not surprised that you don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, I just don’t think that very many people, especially your age, would be able to keep up with you. You know you are and you know what you want to do. Your eyes light up when you talk about your passions, and you’re not afraid to defy social norms and be who you are. And all this, this scares people.

— The best compliment I’ve ever received.  

Dress up as whatever you want.
People who worth it would try to learn you more than what you’re wearing.

Since when did we started to talk to each other like this?
All the feelings that used to show, gone.
Like the wall built up in between the midst.
Like we preventing ourself from the drown.

— Maybe because we can’t be together, so we save ourselves trying not to send our souls close to each other. 

You know. I always appreciate your existence in the world so much.
And more, I’m so thankful that you’ve entered my life.

But just like everything else,
we’re fading away from each other.

No more texts. No more random posts of hint that we’ve been thinking of each other. No more pages long birthday text this year, or just a random phone calls.

There’s almost nothing left between us but the memories of things we’ve done. But I still want you to know, every fragment of my body still long for your existence and no matter how far across the earth you are, I’m happy that you’re still there.

— For you today., bbb.

Now it’s the time of a different year.
Last year you were here, but
now I can barely sense your existence.
You are so far away.

— And we’ll never have our time again

Maybe its just something one of your friends bursted out unknowingly.

"I just want to be with her!"

Its just something they unconsciously speak out just to find some reason.

"I like how you do that."
“No, I want to stay with him there.”

But you know nothing how it strikes my mind and stays here for so long and as long as it could.
You never know how that might accelerate the person’s heartbeat so much.

I never know you could impact me too.

— Maybe I’m too vulnerable.

Maybe I think too much, of course.
But how could I not know that you intentionally ignore me on every social sites as possible.

Maybe I’m being too emotional, yes of course, about what I’ve felt and still feeling.
But how could you answer everyone, and be so friendly, saying ‘miss’ to all of the people we both know, but never once answer whatever I’ve said to you?

Maybe it’s just a normal thing for you, came here and built every special thing, making me feel like the luckiest person in the world.
And just went away, never talk about what had happened again.
Left me hang here in the never possible, never ending memories.

— I don’t even know how to define this situation

I miss you a little too much, and
a little too long that
every fracture in my body is trying
to erase the reasons why I should
forget you out

— My mind tries to keep you alive 

Everything had looked better
with you.
And now, everything
reminds me of better
with you.

— You were here then you were gone 

I want to hold you when sky
glow darker,
hug you when the star
fall deeper down the ocean

The way that I want you to be in my life forever might force me to stop us where we can last.

For you it might not meant anything at all. But you’ve gave me hope,
You’ve gave me new possibilities of this old world.
Chances for me to believe in the world, in people, in good and in love again.

— Thank you