Sometimes the people you love most leave, they leave because they are scared they might love you back"

I will no longer 
give someone all of myself 
to try and feel whole

Delete her number.

Stop ringing her. Stop messaging her. Stop making excuses to see her, to drop by her place.

Erase her name from memory. Remove yourself from her life, more completely than you would like but as completely as she deserves. Move on, so that you can allow her to also move on. When you close your eyes, you don’t get to see her face. Not anymore. You don’t get to think about her lips, the warm glow of her skin when she rests next to you, or how she squeezes your hand in her sleep. You are not allowed to remember the smell of her perfume, that she only drinks mint tea (with two dollops of honey), or that she loves you.

She loves you.

She has been in love with you for too long.

So, forget how she says your name. Forget how she calls your name. Forget how she screams your name. Forget that time you got sick and she stayed up with you all night, letting you lay your head in her lap and holding a cold compress to your forehead. Forget how her hair feels in your fingers. Forget how she looks in your sweatshirts.

Forget her.

Know only that she existed at one point in your life, but relinquish all hope that she could exist at another point — sometime in the future that you are unwilling to specify because you don’t know what you want. Yet. It is not fair for you to swoop in and out of her life as you choose. It is not fair for you to say that you are satisfied with “things as they are” and you will have time to “figure it out” later. Let her stop investing emotionally in you. Let her pour that love and care into the people who deserve her.

Don’t tell her that you think about her all the time. Don’t tell her that it bothers you to hear about her with other people, but that you’re willing to understand as long as she likes you more than them. Don’t tell her that this isn’t the right moment but that there will be a right moment. There is not going to be a right moment. She shouldn’t have to wait for the right moment.

Don’t tell her that you can’t handle ultimatums, that you don’t like the idea of finally adding finality to your relationship — whatever still remains of it.

What you are telling her is that you want to keep her on as an option, that you are taking her for granted, that you want to know she will be there, that you can depend on her at the end of the day. When you find that no one else has stuck around or that those who have are less interesting, less thoughtful, or less doggedly loyal to you.

Doggedly loyal to you.

That is what she has been to you, for you almost as long as you have known her: a constant emotional crutch, the guarantee of stability, a safety net while you reachvout to grasp objects that sparkle and shine far greater than she does. All that glitters is not gold, haven’t you heard?

She is fire. You are ice, and you are afraid that her slow burn will smolder your cool, hard demeanor. That’s what has driven your decisions, your actions all along: fear. You are a coward. You are a hypocrite. You are terrified to let her go, but you are afraid she is too good for you, that she could drive you wild, that you would choke on her flames. That she is too much for you to handle right now.

Right now.

But if you choose not to love her now, you can’t choose to love her later."






"and here I was, thinking that you still feel the same way I do."

It’s like:
I’m the nicest rude person you’ll ever meet.
I don’t give a fuck about anything but at the same time, I care about a lot and people who are close to me will say that caring is kinda my thing. I'm sensible, lovable and all that. But well, sometimes I'm not. 
I ignore people but I want to be everyone’s friend.
I think I should improve myself but I’m completely fabulous.
I need help.

"I don’t believe in love at first sight but I do believe in seeing someone from across the room and knowing instantly that they’re going to matter to you."

"I fell inlove with someone who didn’t believe in love and that was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made."

I need a part time job that pays $20,000 per week.

"I want to be the girl you think about
in the bar at one in the morning,
head in your hands, glass drained
dry, thinking about how damn good
it once was to remember how it
felt to kiss me."— guaranteed hangover

"This morning, the sunrise kissed my skin instead of your lips. I’m learning to love the warmth it gives me after you left me shivering.”

Why would fate
bring us together
if it knew I wasn’t meant
to fall in love with you?
Doesn’t God know
that I just don’t have
that kind of
self-control?"