I want you to remember me like this. // keep this so you’ll always remember"Losing someone you care about is painful. Losing yourself inside of someone who never cared about you is even worse." "I’m allowed to be sad, right? I’m allowed to want to be swallowed by darkness without the want or need to be saved by someone else, right?" "When I was right next to you, you didn’t give a shit if I was there or not. Now that I’m somewhere where you can’t reach me you’ve never looked for me for so long and so thoroughly." "I don’t care that you want someone else or that you have someone else. Keep rubbing your new love and relationship in my face because even if you want me to care, I don’t. Even if I am writing this." "He said forever so I figured that meant until tomorrow morning." "You want me to say I’m sorry but I don’t know what I should be sorry about. I’m not sure if you want me to say I’m sorry for leaving or that I’m sorry for not coming back. Either way, I don’t think I’ll ever be apologetic for doing things that were best for me." "Unfinished small pieces from letters, texts and poems that I never got around to mailing, sending and posting," - Colleen Brown

I want you
to remember
me like this.

I wonder how we would
have turned out, if our love
would have made it if we
met at a later time, knowing
what we know now. I think
we would have had the strength 
to keep fighting for this
instead of doing what we did
which was giving up and 
walking away. But time has
a selfish way of showing 
you things that you could
have used during those tough
moments, and maybe we
were actually meant to be
as distant as we are now





Men Love A Challenge.  Who The Fuck Told You That?



I love unmade beds. I love when people are drunk and crying and cannot be anything but honest in that moment. I love the look in people’s eyes when they realize they’re in love. I love the way people look when they first wake up and they’ve forgotten their surroundings. I love the gasp people take when their favorite character dies. I love when people close their eyes and drift to somewhere in the clouds. I fall in love with people and their honest moments all the time. I fall in love with their breakdowns and their smeared makeup and their daydreams. Honesty is just too beautiful to ever put into words.

When someone leaves you for someone else does that mean you're not good enough?..what does it mean. It hurts..he hid it from me for 2 months from me and ignored me when he was with her...what makes her so different?
Well for starters, he’s an asshole. For not only leading you on but from hiding someone else from you when you two were involved. I never can understand why people do that. Honestly, that’s someone you should want to stay away from. If he did this to you do you really think he won’t do this to her if he finds someone new? It hurts but it’s something that helps you see that you’re better off because you deserve someone who is going to be there for you and only you. Who only has eyes for you and doesn’t need anyone else, or is waiting for someone else to come along. Those type of people suck because they don’t care about anyone else but themselves. This has happened to me before so I understand what you mean. But please love, don’t let what he did to you make you feel like you’re not good enough or that you are less because he wanted someone else. You are still beautiful, still worth it, still deserving of so much love and affection. He’s an idiot, a blind and selfish idiot. Hopefully he’ll see that one day. You’ll be just fine, mostly without him. Never sell yourself short because of someone wanting something or someone else. You are not less of anything or anyone because another person is a liar and does things for selfish intentions. Just keep your head up, love. You’re going to be okay and one day you’ll find someone who won’t ever do this because they will love you through and through because you are worth the wait and worth everything.

And now that I’m really gone
I know you won’t stop searching.

And now that I’m really gone
I know you won’t stop searching.

Listen to her when she tells you
that you are no longer the one
she wants. I know her and she
has never been the kind to play
games, has never been the type
to say one thing but mean another.
So when she tells you to pack up
and go, do it. Because there is not
enough of beautifully convincing
words that will ever have the power
to change her mind.

She knows me, maybe knows me better than I know myself. She knows what I’m going to say before I say it and knows when I can’t find the words to explain why I do the things that I did.
So she knows me and I let her believe that she didn’t and never did. I convinced her that my mind is a closed off lot with no way to get in without my key of permission. I did this to her and this is something that she didn’t know, didn’t see coming.
I remember the last time I saw her, the last time we exchanged words that weren’t loaded with toxicity, and still till this day I can see the look in her eyes when the hope of our future diminished along with the plans of our love growing even stronger, fading away.

We were meant to survive this together but now we are fighting this battle all on our own,

We were meant to survive this together but now we are fighting this battle all on our own,

I stopped when you started,

They tell me that if it hurts so bad
that I should stop thinking about you
as much. If I could I promise you
that I would but it’s not that simple.
They tell me that if I still love you
that they don’t feel bad for me
because I’m the one who is still
putting myself through this pain.
If I could stop loving you I would
but I can’t erase all the moments
of when we were together
from my mind. They say that if I can’t
move on then maybe I should
just tell you that I miss you.
But the last time I sent you a text
you told me that you were dating
someone else and she wouldn’t
like you texting your ex.
I deleted your number after that
because I thought it would help
but I still remember every fucking
digit by heart. They tell me if I can’t
let go then maybe I should just
be alone for a little longer.
But I want to somehow show you
that I’m okay even if I’m not
so maybe you can feel how I did
when I saw a picture of you
with her in the place that you said
you would never stop loving me.

"If I could I would," 

I’m not mad that you’re with someone
else, or jealous that she gets to hold
you throughout the night and gets to
make you coffee in the morning.
I’m not sad that you didn’t need time
like I did to move on, I wish I was
able to give out my heart again
as easily as you could. But this isn’t
about how I feel when it comes
to your sudden blossomed romance
with a girl twice my age, this is about
how you were able to leave me
so quickly without a hint of remorse.
This is for you to see when one day
you’re alone because she just couldn’t
do the justice of filling in your heart
with the amount of love that I could.
This is for you to see when you think
about coming back to me so you know
that this home is no longer ours.
All the locks are changed, all the doors
are shut, and just like my heart
you are no longer welcome here.

I always want those who I can’t have, love those who will never love me back, care for those who only care for themselves, miss those who forgot about me long ago and remember those who will never remember that I even existed.
This is what I do and I have no one to blame but myself, and my heart that clings to these toxic memories and those unloveable people.

I love you without 
knowing you
and without
needing you
to love 
me too.

Don’t listen to him when he tells you that you’ll never be enough, that you were never enough to keep him coming back for more. You are enough and you always have been and I will be damned if you think that you never were. Don’t let him make you shrink yourself for his pleasure, for his taste, for his way to get off. You are beautiful and he is not only blind when it comes to your beauty but to your very essence. Give him time, he’ll see one day how good he had it and how tolerable you were to be able to tolerate him. He knows nothing of this world. He created his own and tried to get you sucked into it. Don’t let that happen. Don’t lower yourself to meet his eye level, stand up straight and see how below you he’s always been and always will be.
"Let him lose you," 

I can’t remember the last time
I felt this broken, felt this lost.
Everything used to make so much
sense until you stumbled into
my life without the slightest bit
of awareness that you would
change me forever. But I know
now that this is not meant to be,
that you and I will never be
as close as I always desired.
And I wish I would have known
back then what I know now 
because maybe I wouldn’t be 
traveling aimlessly and looking for 
someone who will never even
feel the need to find me too.

keep this so you’ll always remember

I’ve been told that I should forgive
everyone who has ever hurt me,
loved me in the wrong ways,
broke promises without explanations
and who have made me feel
as though trust is just another
made-up word for those who use it
in their own advantage.
Well I have forgiven the one
who fractured my heart for his own
and I have made mends with those
who use apologies to sleep more
soundly during the night,
and now that I have moved past
the chapters of my life that have been
filled with sorrow and self-consciousness,
I am ready to forgive myself.
So I am saying sorry to my skin
for always writing out blame on its
surface and I am finally mending
all the broken pieces within myself
that always thought they were
the ones that needed to change
in-order for them to be loved
in the right way.

"It was real, wasn't it? You and me. Such a long time ago, we were just a couple of kids. But we really loved each other, didn't we?" -Allie

Uważaj na znajomości, które zaczynają się od głowy. O tych zapoczątkowanych fascynacją seksualną można szybko zapomnieć. O tych, które zaczynają się od rozmów, wymiany myśli i emocji, możesz nigdy nie zapomnieć. Te są trwalsze.

To, co było między nimi, wyrosło na gruncie fascynacji słowem i wyrażoną tekstem myślą. Dlatego było pewnie tak silne, intensywne i cały czas: przez brak szansy prawdziwego spełnienia.

Istnieje pięć stopni miłości. Pierwszym jest upodobanie. Polega ono na tym, że patrzący uznaje oglądaną osobę za piękną albo też wysoko ceni jej charakter. Wszystko to mieści się w granicach wzajemnej przyjaźni. Potem jest podziw. Polega na tym, że patrzący pragnie, aby oglądana osoba była zawsze blisko. Potem przychodzi czas na zakochanie, które polega na tęsknocie, gdy się rozstajemy z ukochaną osobą. Dalej jest umiłowanie, polegające na tym, że człowiek jest całkowicie pochłonięty ukochaną osobą. Wreszcie jest namiętność polegająca na prawie całkowitej niemożności jedzenia i picia. Często prowadzi to do choroby albo opętania, a nawet do śmierci. Po tym wszystkim miłość nie zna już końca.

Nie wszystkie marzenia zrodziły się w naszych myślach po to, aby się spełnić.
Nie każda miłość powstała po to, aby zapłonąć ogniem wzajemnej namiętności,
Nie każdy tekst piosenki powstał po to, aby dobrać do niego odpowiednią melodię,
Nie każda gwiazda spada po to, aby ktoś mógł patrząc na nią wypowiedzieć gorliwe życzenie,
Nie każdy potok łez pojawia się po to, aby oczyścić grunt pod uśmiech,
Nie każdy gubi się po to, aby w odpowiednim momencie się odnaleźć,
Nie każda przygoda rozpoczyna się po to, aby zakończyć się odnalezieniem skarbu
Nie każde smutne zakończenie jest autentycznym końcem historii
Nie wszystkie słowa zostały zapisane po to, aby je wypowiedzieć

Lecz każda jesień kończy się zimą,
Każda myśl tą samą konkluzją,  
Każda refleksja tym samym imieniem. 

I’m torn between keeping you
and creating new memories
with someone whose skin
I’ve always wanted to explore.
I hope you always remember
that I love you, loved you more
than those intoxicated women
who came before me. 
But there is something about
your past that I can’t let go,
something I know you would
take back if you could.
And I hate myself for holding
this against you, but I also
hate you for being able to
throw the word love around
like it was something that is
so cheap and so disposable.

When I saw him for the first time
I couldn’t make sense of what 
I had just seen. I was caught
between a dream too beautiful
to be true and a fixated reality
that looked too unimaginable
for it to really be happening.
In my eyes he was a vision
too perfect to be mimicked,
a person too beautiful and free
to belong to anyone else
but himself. In one look, in one
moment of our eyes crashing
into each other’s future I knew
as well as he did that he was
everything that I’ve been
unconsciously searching for.

I wanted to tell you
that I love you
but instead
I left you wondering
if I ever really did.

I may not be able to be your backbone
but I can be the crutch in which you lean on
that will never tilt or break. Just promise me
that when I need you, you can do for me
what I will do for you.
I know that people always say
that you shouldn’t have to heal someone
on your own but I don’t care about
their failed attempts at trying to save
someone whose fate only led to destruction
because I love you enough to let you use me
as your safety net. But I can’t promise you
that I may not loosen up from the pressure too
but I can promise that I will never let you
hit the ground without my dedication there
to help break the fall.
You say that I shouldn’t love you,
shouldn’t invest my time in someone
who will only drag me down along with them,
but baby, if being swallowed by the darkness
means that you won’t have to do it alone
then I will break every light, cut every electric wire
and shut out the sun if it means you not having
to endure this eternal struggle alone.
I know when you look at your past
and you see all the ones who came
before me leaving without a warning
because you were too much for them
to handle or loving you just wasn’t
worth the risk, know that if I could
I would use all of my chances if it meant
that you would stay, meant that you
would always find comfort in knowing
that I will never put my fists down
even when your own hands can’t seem
to find the strength to keep fighting.

Think passion. Think too many miles and not enough time. Think soon we will be together in each other’s arms. Think this was always how it was supposed to be. Think happiness. Think destroying distance with patience. Think someday. Think later is better than never. Think days spent underneath sheets with warm light and an almost sunset. Think forever. Think before we knew each other and how we thought we knew what love was. Think laughter. Think we can get through anything as long as we stay strong. Think hope. Think of the way our bodies fit together so perfectly as if we were both missing a piece of ourselves. Think love and remember that as long as you think of me, think of us and think of our soon to be forever that we will make it through.

She used to bathe in the sunlight while smoking
menthol cigarettes and dreaming about the men
that would soon fall under her memorizing
and soft gaze. When I think of her I remember
her haunting voice the most, and sometimes
I can still hear the innocence in the air
that once hid behind her laughter.
She was my light, my life, my memory
of a better love where there was no such thing
as growing up or growing old.
She was a vision of an almost immortality,
and I knew that I loved her from the moment
my eyes met her hypnotizing structure.
When she first appeared in my sight
her skin was glistening beneath the summer sky
and it left an everlasting ethereal impression
that I can still remember like it was yesterday.
And even though she is no longer mine,
no longer here and no longer infatuated,
I will always remember her as the girl
who once saw me as her one true love.

Of course I want love and romance. Who doesn’t want that one person who makes you feel like you are complete and that when you’re with everything makes sense and you feel as if you can handle anything and take on a war just because they are beside you. If anyone tells you that they don’t want this, that they don’t want to live and grow old with someone who understands them completely, loves every flaw and every strength then those people are liars. Those people are the kind that thought they had that with someone once. Thought that it was meant to be, or that they finally found it, but ended up being even messier than they were before them. Everyone wants this. Or at least I think everyone does. I mean why wouldn’t you want someone who loves you for who you are and wouldn’t change anything about you and only learns with you, grows with you, doesn’t understand how they ever thought alone was good enough. Of course I want this but I’m not going to go searching my entire life for it. I’m not going to think everyone I meet is this person or could be this person. And I’m not going to stop living my life in the way I want, or do things that I’ve always wanted to do because I haven’t found “the one” yet. I’m just waiting. I’m being patient, or at least trying to be. And if I never find them at least I know that I held on to hope that I might, or that I didn’t not accomplish what I wanted to because they never suddenly appeared in my life. But yes, I do want that everlasting kind of love that you read about and watch films about. I mean what person with a beating heart, a racing pulse and an imagination of a future filled with love and trust wouldn’t want that?
"Yeah, I’ve been hurt by someone I thought loved me before, but that doesn’t mean that I’m giving up or settling for the next best thing,"

You’ll never have to worry about that.
I’ll remember every moment we spent together,
good and bad. I’ll never let those memories
diminish with the passing of time.
I love you so much, didn’t you know?
You were always my favorite part
of waking up, even when you weren’t
next to me. No one will ever be able to
fill in the spaces of my heart
where you still remain. No matter how great
the impact is your lingering presence
will never shift inside of my mind.
So when you leave, when you’re really gone,
don’t worry. Because there will never be
someone else who I will love
as much as I still love you.
"Your memory will never fade away,"

I want you to love me
like I am your dream.
I want you to kiss me
like I am your antidote.
I want you to touch me
like I am your savior.
I want you to crave me
like I am your addiction.
I want you to need me
like I am your light.
And I want you to want me
like I am your everything.

I’m not giving up on love, on my dream
of a romance that is portrayed in the films.
So many former hopeless romantics
try to tell me that I am living inside of a fantasy,
living inside of a fictional mindset 
that is too impossible to achieve,
too fabricated to ever be real.
But I don’t care because if love is not
as freeing as it seems in the books,
in the films, in the over-dramatized
television programs where the protagonist
ends up in the arms of the one
that they have been chasing throughout
the entire plot, than I don’t want it.
Because I would rather be alone
than to be with someone who does not
cherish every part of me. Even the parts
that seem too good to be true.

I had to learn how to forget you
all on my own. The people who I
surrounded myself with didn’t
understand why it was so difficult,
why I couldn’t just wake up
one morning and realize that I am
better off without you. They said
that if you could leave me
so easily without a goodbye
that I deserve more, that I
deserve so much better than you.
But even if they are right,
that you must not have really
loved me if you could just pack up
and leave my life quietly, I cannot
seem to come to terms that you
are really gone and that you really
are never coming back.
Did what we have, what we
worked for and built together
really not mean anything to you?
How were you able to destroy
everything we created so easily?
I ask myself these questions,
I write them down for you
even though I know you will
never see them, never answer them.
I hope that one day when you
finally look back, finally retrace
your steps, that you will lead yourself
to me. I hope that so when you
show up at my doorstep one day
I can say with courage
and with practiced confidence
that I am doing fine, that I am
doing much better without you.

I have always
loved you more,
and I know that
I will love you
always. And now
when I look back
I don’t understand
how I ever thought
I knew what love was
before I loved you.

Another poem about falling in love with someone who
never deserved my love in the first place. 
Another poem about wishing that I could be
the woman you would swim across the ocean for.
I sound so pathetic, so hopeless, so someone
that no one should look up to or desire to become. 
Another poem about hating myself for not
being exactly who they were looking for.
Another poem about saying goodbye too soon
and never having the chance to make things right.
Another poem about missed opportunities
and failed attempts at molding myself into who
I’ve always wanted to become.
I could still be that woman that I admire, 
the one who holds more courage than she does
hands and who never has to think twice 
when it comes to knowing who she is.
Another poem about realizing that I don’t need anyone
to complete me or to love me in order for me to love myself.
Another poem about waking up one day 
and seeing that I am good enough. 
Seeing that I am someone who is capable of
loving and being loved. Another poem where the writer,
myself, understands that there is no wrong way to love
someone when you have given it your everything. 
Another poem that ends in forgiveness, but not
forgiveness towards another but towards myself. 
Another poem that you can read yourself into.
Another poem that helps not only myself but anyone 
who reads it understand that they are not alone,
not unloveable and fully capable of making a change.

Do you still desire me
in the way you once did?
Do you still think of me
during the night when you
are awake, lying next to her
because she still doesn’t
know how afraid you are
of the darkness. Am I still
something, anything to you?
Or have I diminished in
the back of your mind,
remaining as an empty
memory, a broken promise,
a failed attempt at love
when all both of us wanted
was each other? Do I still
hold your heart? Or have you
taken away what you once
gave me when this was
exactly what you wanted?
I hope she fulfills all of your
needs, all of your expectations,
every hope that you once
had for us. I hope she gives
you the love that you have
always deserved but never
could find inside of me.
I want you to be happy,
to be drowning in an ocean
of bliss, the waves crashing
upon you when you think
that you finally have their pattern
down. I want you to be
hopeful when it comes to love,
even if that means no longer
being hopeful lying next to me.

We loved each other
like it was no ones
business, because
it wasn’t. It was always
you and I and everyone
who surrounded us
didn’t matter, their voices
just white noise. Figures
in the corner of our
eyes that we never had
the desire to look towards.
It was always you and I,
baby, and that will never
change even if your
feelings for me have.

I woke up this morning
to find your memory
still lodged in the sky.

I couldn’t find the strength inside of myself
to tell you how I really feel, to tell you the truth
about how long I have really loved you.
For years I’ve been watching you fall in love
with the wrong people, the sort that use your
affection and dedication to waste time, who only
want your love for their own practice. But I don’t
need to experience the way another feels
against my lips to know that yours are
the only ones that I ever want to
touch, to caress until mine go numb.
But that’s the way it turned out and I wish
that you could have used me as the experiment
that gave you the answer that you have
always been hoping for.

I didn’t want you
to love someone
else, so I pretended
that I was happy
and I know that
was selfish but
for some reason
I just couldn’t
help myself.

Believe me when I say
that you are the only one
that made me understand
the true meaning of love.
If it wasn’t for you
I would have never knew
exactly what I truly
deserved, truly wanted.
So thank you for
giving me the confidence,
the knowledge, the love
that I never knew
someone could offer me.
You are the only one
that I will never try
to forget.

I can’t help but to wonder
how our lives would have turned
out if you would have stayed
and if I wouldn’t have given up
so easily. I wonder if we would
still be together, if we would be
as in love as I thought we
once were. There are so many
things that we did wrong
when it came to loving
one another. There were so
many things that we
should have done but never
could summon up the courage
and the pride to do. It was
always about who was right
and never about seeing
each others side of the story.
It was always about
blaming someone other than
ourselves instead of
just admitting to our faults,
to our mistakes, to our reasons
of doing the things that we did
when all we wanted was
understanding. There are so many
things that I wish I would have
told you or that I wish I would
have done when you were
beside me. But now that our love
has ended and our truth has
finally revealed itself to us,

I am finally starting to see
that maybe you were not
the only one in the wrong.
"There are so many things we could have, should have and would have done,"

I want to start this off
by saying that I still love you.
Leaving probably didn’t
help when it came to
that fact but I had to do
what was best for me,
and I guess that meant
hurting you in ways
that I will never be able
to understand. I’m not
saying that I was ever
that important to you
or that because of me
you will never be able
to trust someone who will
only ever want to be
close to you, but I want
to tell you that I’m sorry.
Sorry for setting you up
for destruction. Sorry
for letting my selfishness
get in the way of your
happiness. But if it’s
any consolation I did it
so that one day you could
be happy. I left because
I knew you deserved
someone who actually
would cherish your love
in the way that it should
be. So know that I still
love you, that I really am sorry
and even if you can never
seem to forgive me that
I will never hold it against
you. You have always
deserved so much more
than what I was capable
of giving to you.
"I hope I made the right choice," - 

sometimes it’s good to look back. you might even find out something about yourself.

I thought that if I called her
beautiful she could be able
to understand just how
marvelous she truly is.
I thought that if I held
her close to me she could
be able to feel not as
lonely as she did.
I thought that if I kissed her
she could be able to feel
just how much I really
did want to stay.
I thought that if I left her
she could be able to see
just how much she really
does need me.

You tell him you love him
and still, he has nothing
to say. You want to let go
but you’ve been fighting
for this for so long
that you want to be able
to have something
to show for it. But from
the looks of it, from the
sound of his voice,
it seems as if he gave
up long ago.

I forgive you for pushing
me away when all I wanted
to do was make you feel
a little less lonely.
I forgive you for telling me
that my love was nothing
but a burden, nothing
but a way to waste time.
I forgive you for lying
to me when you said that
he meant nothing, that he
couldn’t break us.
But mostly I forgive you
for pretending to want this
when all you really wanted
was someone to care.

even if that meansbeing a distant one.

even if that means
being a distant one.

To anyone who ever put
doubt on my lap,
hopeless thoughts
in my mind,
past mistakes
in my hands
and regret
in my eyes,
I want you
to remember
that you did not
succeed in trying
to ruin me.

You left me on a day like today,
when the sun was too strong to hide
behind the clouds that tried 
so hard to cover up its shining power.
Sometimes it’s hard to hate these days
even when they make me think of you.
I try to swear at the sky 
but whenever I’m ready to release
the words that I’ve been rehearsing,
the wind dances along
the parts of my skin that are exposed
and eases some of the loneliness
that you left behind.
Sometimes I think its trying
to apologize to me for the way
you left. Maybe it had some part
in your final decision of going away
for good. But either way
I appreciate the attempts 
the wind makes when trying to
help me forget about you,
but no amount of comforting 
condolences can relieve the pain
when it comes living through
a day like today.

When I look back
on all of the times
when we were
it’s hard to believe
that we could
have ever ended
at all.

I did not wake up
one morning and decide
that I was going to
love you as much
as I do today. It just
happened when I least
expected it. One day
I was sitting at my desk
and I was hit with
a realization that you
are everything that I
never thought I would
find in someone.

It was 2 a.m. and we
were too tired and too tipsy
to care about the consequences
of what tomorrow may bring
to stop our hands from exploring
each other’s skin. Beneath
the sheets we were invincible
and open to the thought that
this may be the closest thing
to bliss that we may ever feel.

I wonder how we would
have turned out, if our love
would have made it if we
met at a later time, knowing
what we know now. I think
we would have had the strength
to keep fighting for this
instead of doing what we did
which was giving up and
walking away. But time has
a selfish way of showing
you things that you could
have used during those tough
moments, and maybe we
were actually meant to be
as distant as we are now.

You tell someone
too much too soon
and then suddenly
you are alone
wondering if you
have opened yourself
to someone who
will never even try
to understand why
you confided in them
in the first place.

I held her as if
it was going to be
the last time
that I would ever
have the privilege
to touch her again.

"Wait for me, I’ll protect you,

I want to be remembered 
as the woman who never did
give up or give in to the feeling
of never being good enough
or never achieving exactly
what it is that she has always
dreamed about.

Remember me
as the woman who always had
too many stars in her eyes 
to ever see the truth of it all,
to ever be blinded by the reality
of the cruelty in this world.

So when you think of me
I hope that you think of a hope
that was carefully written
in the sky and a dream that felt
like it was just underneath my skin.  

just remember me.

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