too much too soon
and then suddenly
you are alone
wondering if you
have opened yourself
to someone who
will never even try
to understand why
you confided in them
in the first place.
We are lost
and I don’t know
if we will ever
find what it is
that is missing
inside of us.
We have been
wandering about
for what feels
like a lifetime,
and I just hope
that someday
we will receive
what it is
that we have
been searching
for all along.
Our love story begins
without us actually meeting
one another. At first we
were separated by screens,
but now we are distanced
by the miles that are put
between us. When we live
our lives without living with
one another, we see other
couples on the street,
in stores, and even in class.
We are envious at the fact
that they are privileged
enough to be able to hold
one another without a phone
line in the middle. We listen
to our friends telling us about
how annoyed they are
that the one they love wants
to be with them at every
moment. What we wouldn’t
give to be in their place.
To be able to even touch
each other would be enough
to allow us to sleep soundly
for one night. They make it
look so easy in the films.
That you can just jump
on a plane and be beside
the one you know that you
were made for. But it’s not
that simple, and it’s not
that quick. If I would have
known that you were the one
I would be dreaming of
throughout the day and during
the night, I would have used
my life savings saving what
we had left, instead of investing
in an education that would
just leave me as jobless
as it would hopeless.
But with you, I wouldn’t need
professors or pens, I would
just need your presence.
But it’s not that easy,
and it’s not that cheap.
And if I had it my way from
the very start I would have
stopped Pangea so that we
were never separated
by the oceans that have
put a wedge between our
bodies and love.
I still love you,
still think about you,
and I still hold on
to the memories of
when love was
on our side. But
just because you
haven’t left my mind,
my heart, and
my skin, does not
mean that I want
you back.
I know that you miss me, and that you wish things would have gone differently, or that we would have had more time. But do you think you are the only one who has been taken for granted? Do you think that just because I am trying to move on means that I no longer love you? Because no amount of months filled with silence that are put in-between us will ever change the fact that I still love you and always will. We were both so selfish when we first met. We never seemed so be on the same page, let alone the same topic. I was always waiting for you to speak first while you were always waiting for me to touch you. I am sorry for this mess that we both made. This mess that is too heavy for either of our hands to clear. But everyday we are pushing through these heaps of cruel words and mislead assumptions, and everyday we are realizing that not even love could make enough noise to fill in the silence that we created for ourselves. I’m trying to think of new ways to apologize to you, to tell you that I do not think you are the only one to blame. But as I write out letters of regret I am always left with a blank ending, an empty pen, new reasons to why we should have waited. I spend most of my time looking for my courage in the things you left behind. I’m trying to find it because I want to use it for when you come back. I want to apply it so you can see that I am not all talk but over analyzed actions. I want you to think better of me like you did before you were in front of me. I want to be your muse again, your perfected poetry, your everything is still good thoughts. Maybe I will use this mess of bitter thoughts and passive aggressive confessions in your next letter. Maybe this will help you understand a little bit more to why it is that I’m still holding on. Maybe you’ll write back. Maybe you’ll come back. Maybe you’ll help me come to terms with our love suffering in the way that it did. And maybe, just maybe this will help you see that even though it feels like I’m moving on, I’m somehow still right beside you.
"A letter full of contradicting sentiment,
I would have loved you the most,
I would have loved you with everything
if only you would have just let me.
You didn’t care about our time
together until you realized
that we had so little left.
But isn’t that how it always
works? You tolerate someone
until you find out that there
might be a reason to keeping
you apart forever. I will always
remember the look in your
eyes on the last night that we
had together. It looked as if
you were going to be sick,
or worse, that you regretted
the silence that was wedged
between us when you thought
that I wasn’t who you fell
in love with. But I never changed
just because your heart
wanted to. I never lied to you
when I said that you were
exactly who I wanted. Our last
moments together will forever
be on repeat in my mind.
Because during those last
hours I saw you for who you
really are; a girl so afraid of being
so in love with a stranger
that she would believe anyone
who could convince her
that she was right all along
about the woman she loved
being too good to be true.
together until you realized
that we had so little left.
But isn’t that how it always
works? You tolerate someone
until you find out that there
might be a reason to keeping
you apart forever. I will always
remember the look in your
eyes on the last night that we
had together. It looked as if
you were going to be sick,
or worse, that you regretted
the silence that was wedged
between us when you thought
that I wasn’t who you fell
in love with. But I never changed
just because your heart
wanted to. I never lied to you
when I said that you were
exactly who I wanted. Our last
moments together will forever
be on repeat in my mind.
Because during those last
hours I saw you for who you
really are; a girl so afraid of being
so in love with a stranger
that she would believe anyone
who could convince her
that she was right all along
about the woman she loved
being too good to be true.
"You should have listened to your heart,"
The next time we meet
again it will be different.
Because when the new
time comes and you are
in my arms once again
I will not hesitate to love
every inch of you and
I will make sure that this
time around I will not
take your limited presence
for granted like I did
the first time we met.
I cleared out my room
so that nothing can
remind me of you.
It didn’t do a damn
thing because I still
see you everywhere.
I figured that when
you left so would
your memory. I have
cleaned my favorite
sheets so many times
that I can no longer
smell you, but I still
see your body inside
of them. They told me
that if I removed
everything that had
anything to do with you
that the memory
of you would subside.
I should have known
that they are all liars.
That none of them
must have loved
someone like you.
If they had they
probably would be
able to understand
why it’s been so hard
for me to forget
about you in all
the ways that I want to.
Nothing can compare
to the feeling of
your lips against mine.
When our bodies press
together and our legs
intertwine I feel invincible
underneath cotton sheets.
But ever since you left
my heart has been as empty
as your side of the bed.
And I just want to know
how many more nights
I am going to have to
stay awake through
until you are finally back
in this room, in this bed,
and inside of my arms.
to the feeling of
your lips against mine.
When our bodies press
together and our legs
intertwine I feel invincible
underneath cotton sheets.
But ever since you left
my heart has been as empty
as your side of the bed.
And I just want to know
how many more nights
I am going to have to
stay awake through
until you are finally back
in this room, in this bed,
and inside of my arms.
2. On the second day
of your prolonged absence
nothing seemed worth
doing. Not as long
as you were not doing it
with me.
3. On the third day
I realized there would be
no sign of your return
and that I would have to
keep going. Even if
that meant going on
without you.
4. On the fourth day
my hands finally had
the strength to open the
blinds and to rid of
everything that reminded
me of you. It was difficult
and it took me most
of the day to be able to
push all of the memories
beneath my bed.
5. On the fifth day of living
on my own, I worked up
the courage to tell all
of our friends what had really
happened. How you just left
one morning without looking
back, or even locking
the doors. They haven’t
heard from you since.
6. On the sixth day
your best friend asked me
out for coffee, said he knew
where I could find you.
I said I didn’t want to know.
I would rather have you
lost than to know you were
out there somewhere
without me with you.
7. On the seventh day
I woke up to a still empty bed
and when I rolled over
on your side I could no longer
feel where your body
used to lay.
8. On the eighth day
I took all of your belongings
to the end of the driveway
for the trash man to take.
I didn’t care if you still
wanted any of it.
9. On the ninth day
you texted me, and it took me
half of the day to summon
the courage to even open it.
Inside it read, ” I still love you.
I’m sorry. Please, let me
come home.” I never replied.
10. On the tenth day
I changed the garage
combination, the locks on
the doors, my telephone
number and the color of my hair
that you loved so much.
You are no longer welcome
in my home, in my head
and in my heart.
"It took me 10 days to get over you," -
I miss everything
about you. Even the
things that drove
me to almost insanity.
I would have never
known that your
absence would have
left me to feel this
lost, this alone, this
defeated. I should
have never took your
presence for granted.
Now that you’re gone
I need you more than
I ever thought possible.
about you. Even the
things that drove
me to almost insanity.
I would have never
known that your
absence would have
left me to feel this
lost, this alone, this
defeated. I should
have never took your
presence for granted.
Now that you’re gone
I need you more than
I ever thought possible.
I thought if I tried hard
enough, held on long enough
that you would someday
love me. That you would leave
the life behind that you always
seemed to despise.
I would have helped you build
a new beginning. Would have
searched for your lost
happiness in the parts
of the world that you feared
most. I would have gone
to great lengths just to see
you smile again, but you never
had the strength or the time
to do for me what I would
have done for you.
enough, held on long enough
that you would someday
love me. That you would leave
the life behind that you always
seemed to despise.
I would have helped you build
a new beginning. Would have
searched for your lost
happiness in the parts
of the world that you feared
most. I would have gone
to great lengths just to see
you smile again, but you never
had the strength or the time
to do for me what I would
have done for you.
You were in my dream
last night. We were inside
of the life that we were
always meant to have.
Bathing in the feeling
of what happened
instead of what if.
last night. We were inside
of the life that we were
always meant to have.
Bathing in the feeling
of what happened
instead of what if.
In this dream of holding
on to the love that reality
took from us when we
needed it most,
we thrived in the light
of our everlasting
intimacy.
on to the love that reality
took from us when we
needed it most,
we thrived in the light
of our everlasting
intimacy.
I don’t have to ask you if you’ve been through the pain of heartbreak to know that you have. I can see it in your eyes, on your skin, and the way that you undress your body in front of me like I have a sign that reads 1 out of 10. I know it’s hard to trust someone new when someone who once felt so familiar left you in the past along with your love. I could promise you that it won’t be the same. That I am not like any lover you’ve had before because I know what I want. But you’ll never really believe me even when you say you do because you’ve held that promise in your hands before and in the end you were only left with empty words and an empty heart. But I will stay, and I hope that my continuing presence is one that will restore your thoughts when it comes to opening yourself up to someone who really does mean it when they say that they promise.
I think what terrifies
my mind the most
is knowing that
there is someone
out there who loves
me, but not knowing
if or when I will ever
be able to find them.
my mind the most
is knowing that
there is someone
out there who loves
me, but not knowing
if or when I will ever
be able to find them.
if i could,
i would move
the mountains
for you.
i would move
the mountains
for you.
And do I suddenly
mean nothing to you
just because she has
filled in the spaces of
your heart where I once
used to call my own home.
mean nothing to you
just because she has
filled in the spaces of
your heart where I once
used to call my own home.
we fell, we tried, we couldn’t, we were, we can’t, we will.
We fought so hard
for a love that was
never meant to survive.
But still we continued
to take on the battle.
By the end of our own
personal war we were
out of hope, and out
of strength. All I can
do now is thank you
for the fight you put
up in order to keep me.
All we can do now is
wait and pray that
maybe the next struggle
that we take on will be
one where we both
come out as the victors.
Believe them when they say that it’s over. That there isn’t anything else worth fighting for. Don’t look more reasons to stay, or for any loopholes that they might have missed themselves. Just leave. Don’t keep holding onto something that has already hit the floor. You’ll be trying to put those pieces together for the rest of your life. Just leave. Don’t argue with them or tell them how much you love them or how much you still want this. Just leave. Your energy is better spent elsewhere. Better spent healing yourself and fighting for someone who will never put their fists down just because their heart has given up. Just leave. You are not a struggle. You are not someone who needs to be saved. Just leave. The longer you fight the more tired you are going to be in the end. Just leave. You shouldn’t have to convince anyone to love you, to stay, to see that you are worth it. Just leave. You are not broken. You are not the one who has given up. You are the one who remained strong even when your heart was collapsing beneath your own bones. Just leave. You can say that it will be better, that you will be better, but you both know that what’s best for the both of you is to just leave. You’ve been in this constant battle of trying to love yourself and loving someone who only knows how to leave before anything is resolved. So just leave. Because even if you still want this, still want them, you have always deserved someone who will fight beside you even when their strength is running on low.
I was made to love you.
Even if you don’t think
that I’m supposed to.
Even though we both knew
that this would never last,
that our version of love
was not the right kind,
we still fought for it,
we still held on, we still
hoped that maybe someday
our love would mold itself
into the kind that survives.
You will say anything
to try to get me to see
that everything you
once wanted no longer
has anything to do with me.
I’ve been thinking about you
a lot lately, and for once these
thoughts are not made up
of wishing you were here.
These thoughts contain
the truth of our love, and
just how much I really did
salvage trying to get you
to stay. Sometimes I wonder
if what we really had was
the real thing, the actual
kind of love that made others
look at us with envy. But then
I remember everything
you had promised me but
never kept, and I am back
to the thought of how much
your absence has allowed me
to understand what love
really is and how we never
had what we always craved.
"It wasn’t what we thought,a lot lately, and for once these
thoughts are not made up
of wishing you were here.
These thoughts contain
the truth of our love, and
just how much I really did
salvage trying to get you
to stay. Sometimes I wonder
if what we really had was
the real thing, the actual
kind of love that made others
look at us with envy. But then
I remember everything
you had promised me but
never kept, and I am back
to the thought of how much
your absence has allowed me
to understand what love
really is and how we never
had what we always craved.
I don’t want to revisit all of our memories.
I have sealed them shut with the last words
that you gave to me when you made yourself
believe that I had moved on without any hesitation.
So this is it, this is my final goodbye. And I just
want to let you know before I am gone for good,
that everything we built was the most difficult
creation that I’ve ever had destroy.
We haven’t spoken in months,
or even acknowledged each other’s
existence. How can two people
who once meant everything
to each other become strangers
after a small exchanging
of aggressive words? There are
questions that have been
lingering in my mind that are
waiting to be answered
by someone who has been
through this and survived.
Questions I know that only have
a bitter outcome but need
to be dealt with. And I know
that you will never be the one
who will help me solve
these mysteries that we set up
ourselves, but then again
I know that you’ve never been
able to leave an easily solvable
case open.
I’ve been waiting for you,
for this moment of vulnerability
where everything that came
before you was just a way
to test my strength for the
real thing. And you are
the real thing. You are the
feeling right after you smoke
a cigarette when you haven’t
given in to the addiction for days.
You are what I’ve been
looking for without any idea
of where it is exactly
that I am supposed to end up.
But I found you. And now
I finally know why I’ve been
told so many times to be patient,
and to keep holding on
even when my hands are
begging me to let go.
I’m tired of writing about love. I want tragedy, I want danger. I want a one night stand where both people will remember that night like it was yesterday. I want strangers touching, changing, hoping they will see that beautiful redhead that they fell in love with on their way to work, too much of in a hurry to ask the details that will keep them contacted, somehow connected forever. I don’t want certainty. I want unknown places that want to be searched, want to be documented, want to trap someone inside of their territory until they go weak with longing for their home. I want mystery, amusement, a case that just cannot seem to be solved. Even with evidence at the tips of the detectives fingers. I want impatience, anxiety, a thought that only seems to bring you back to the beginning. Going over the facts again and again until it drives you mad with what you might have missed, and what piece you seemed to look over that you needed to bring this case to a close.
I found love inside of someone
who always thought that love
would never be the one to stay.
But it was always there, just waiting
to expose itself to the right person.
And to know that their love chose
me is a thought that will always
keep me coming back home.
When you were here, I took your
presence for granted, and I don’t
have to write a poem full of
apologies for you to know that.
I’m tired of hinting around
the truth, and I don’t want
my feelings of then and now
to be a mystery to you anymore.
So here it is, the missing clue,
the last piece of my dedication
and the remaining detail
of my heart. I am finally giving
this to you because I know
that my love for you has been
a case that you never could
solve on your own.
When I look at the sky
you are still the only thing
that seems to fill my eyes.
You will fall in love
with someone who is
not me and no matter
how much it hurts
I will be happy for you.
I will have hope that
this time things will
work out for you and
that this time your love
will not be taken for
granted. So when you
fall in love with someone
who is not me, I will
be happy for you. Even
though my heart knows
that I would be much
happier with you.
with someone who is
not me and no matter
how much it hurts
I will be happy for you.
I will have hope that
this time things will
work out for you and
that this time your love
will not be taken for
granted. So when you
fall in love with someone
who is not me, I will
be happy for you. Even
though my heart knows
that I would be much
happier with you.
I’ve been told that I love
too hard, too much, too soon
and too often for it to really
be the kind of love that is
everlasting. But in my heart
it is not that way. In my
heart there is a vacant room
that is waiting for someone to
fill the space with their presence,
with their forever, with their
love. So when someone tries
to tell me that I love too much,
too often, I will say that at least
my love is on full. That I will
not give up or give in just because
there is no room inside
of my reserved heart for them.
too hard, too much, too soon
and too often for it to really
be the kind of love that is
everlasting. But in my heart
it is not that way. In my
heart there is a vacant room
that is waiting for someone to
fill the space with their presence,
with their forever, with their
love. So when someone tries
to tell me that I love too much,
too often, I will say that at least
my love is on full. That I will
not give up or give in just because
there is no room inside
of my reserved heart for them.
"I’m sorry, but we’re booked,"
Your love is the only
mystery that I will never
be able to solve.
mystery that I will never
be able to solve.
I am trying to think of ways that I can
get you back without having to admit
that I was the one who chased you
away in the first place. But all that I
end up with are unknown reasons
of my cruelty, and even more proof
that I was always the one who took
our time and your love for granted.
get you back without having to admit
that I was the one who chased you
away in the first place. But all that I
end up with are unknown reasons
of my cruelty, and even more proof
that I was always the one who took
our time and your love for granted.
I’ll take a plate of truth,
cooked rare and served
with confidence. I’ll also
have the two sides that
are offered with the meal.
For the first side I’ll have
dedication, and for my
second, I’ll have a small
portion of coincidence.
If you can, please bring
everything out together.
I want to see everything
I ordered at once so I know
it was exactly what I asked
for. But for now I’ll take
a glass of integrity. I want
to be ready when my meal
of legitimacy is in front of me,
ready to be digested.
cooked rare and served
with confidence. I’ll also
have the two sides that
are offered with the meal.
For the first side I’ll have
dedication, and for my
second, I’ll have a small
portion of coincidence.
If you can, please bring
everything out together.
I want to see everything
I ordered at once so I know
it was exactly what I asked
for. But for now I’ll take
a glass of integrity. I want
to be ready when my meal
of legitimacy is in front of me,
ready to be digested.
Let me fill the empty spaces
in your heart with my love.
I promise that it won’t hurt
but it will feel too good to be
true. No one will ever and has
ever loved you like I will and do.
I am not like the others who have
touched your heart. If you
let me, I will hold it in my hands
like it was the most precious
and delicate jewel, because it is.
Trust me, I’ve been through
what you’re going through
and you will make it. You will
survive. And if you let me fill
the empty spaces in your heart
with my love, I can promise you
that you will never have to
rid of my memory like you
had to do with everyone
that came before me.
in your heart with my love.
I promise that it won’t hurt
but it will feel too good to be
true. No one will ever and has
ever loved you like I will and do.
I am not like the others who have
touched your heart. If you
let me, I will hold it in my hands
like it was the most precious
and delicate jewel, because it is.
Trust me, I’ve been through
what you’re going through
and you will make it. You will
survive. And if you let me fill
the empty spaces in your heart
with my love, I can promise you
that you will never have to
rid of my memory like you
had to do with everyone
that came before me.
I’m thinking about the first time
I ever fell in love and now there are
knots in my stomach, a noose
around my heart, and you on my
mind. Before you there was
emptiness, but now I am full
of memories of when we were
together and when I thought
you were happy. Was I ever
enough to satisfy you? To keep
you coming back for more?
There must have been something
about me that was missing to
fulfill your hunger. Something
about me that you couldn’t
ever feel complete having.
I ever fell in love and now there are
knots in my stomach, a noose
around my heart, and you on my
mind. Before you there was
emptiness, but now I am full
of memories of when we were
together and when I thought
you were happy. Was I ever
enough to satisfy you? To keep
you coming back for more?
There must have been something
about me that was missing to
fulfill your hunger. Something
about me that you couldn’t
ever feel complete having.
I still chain smoke cigarettes as if it is my profession. I should be promoted for the amount of nicotine that I have stored in my lungs.
I still write poetry about losing the ones I love. Even if I was the one who pushed them out of my life.
I still believe in God even after all of this chaos that has been unfolding upon his own creation. I still have hope in my heart while others have a gun in their hand.
I still play the mixed CD you made for me before you left. I’m still trying to figure out between guitar rifts and melancholy harmonies what you wanted me to hear. What you were trying to tell me all along but couldn’t find the words yourself.
I still write you letters even though we both know that I don’t have the courage to send to you. I’m still hoping that maybe the ink from the paper will appear on your skin and show you what I never could.
I still wake up with you on my mind, and the same goes for when I’m about to fall asleep at night.
I still miss you, still love you, still regret everything I did to keep you away for good.
But most of all, I still want you. And I don’t think that any amount of days, months or even years of realizing will ever be able to change my mindset when it comes to still always longing for your presence.
I still write poetry about losing the ones I love. Even if I was the one who pushed them out of my life.
I still believe in God even after all of this chaos that has been unfolding upon his own creation. I still have hope in my heart while others have a gun in their hand.
I still play the mixed CD you made for me before you left. I’m still trying to figure out between guitar rifts and melancholy harmonies what you wanted me to hear. What you were trying to tell me all along but couldn’t find the words yourself.
I still write you letters even though we both know that I don’t have the courage to send to you. I’m still hoping that maybe the ink from the paper will appear on your skin and show you what I never could.
I still wake up with you on my mind, and the same goes for when I’m about to fall asleep at night.
I still miss you, still love you, still regret everything I did to keep you away for good.
But most of all, I still want you. And I don’t think that any amount of days, months or even years of realizing will ever be able to change my mindset when it comes to still always longing for your presence.
"What still hasn’t changed,"
Did you really think that trying
to remove my memory from
your mind would really work?
When you became a part of my
life I became a permanent
part of your body. I am inside
of every limb, and you can
try to scrub yourself clean
of me but I can promise you
that no amount of soap and water
will ever free you from the effect
that I had on your entire being.
to remove my memory from
your mind would really work?
When you became a part of my
life I became a permanent
part of your body. I am inside
of every limb, and you can
try to scrub yourself clean
of me but I can promise you
that no amount of soap and water
will ever free you from the effect
that I had on your entire being.
I don’t care about
how many people you
have loved before me.
As long as you love me
like there has been
no one who could make
you feel this way,
your past will be just as
foggy as my mistakes.
how many people you
have loved before me.
As long as you love me
like there has been
no one who could make
you feel this way,
your past will be just as
foggy as my mistakes.
I know that you know that I
still want this, still want you.
If anyone happened to look
in my eyes, they could see
the same thing. They could
see where I went wrong when
I told you that there would
never be enough love inside
of my heart for the both of us.
They could see those words
laced in regret and a fire
that has been created from
dedication in hopes of getting
you back. So when you look
into my eyes I hope you can
see where I went wrong and
just how much energy I’ve
used trying to make it right.
still want this, still want you.
If anyone happened to look
in my eyes, they could see
the same thing. They could
see where I went wrong when
I told you that there would
never be enough love inside
of my heart for the both of us.
They could see those words
laced in regret and a fire
that has been created from
dedication in hopes of getting
you back. So when you look
into my eyes I hope you can
see where I went wrong and
just how much energy I’ve
used trying to make it right.
I’m the one who didn’t want you
anymore. The one who found a more
comfortable reason not to need to
tolerate this back and forth kind of love.
You did not push me away. I’m the one
who had my arms reaching outward
so no one, not even you, could get close.
I’m the one who should be captured,
the one who should be treated like the traitor.
You never went back on your words, but I did
go back on my promises and made it seem
like my meaning has always been laced
in certainty. I’m the one who broke this,
who destroyed your thoughts on realistic love
because I couldn’t make up my selfish mind.
I’m the one who should have all the fingers
of injustice pointed in my direction. I’m the one
who should have to pay for the crime. I’m tired
of trying to prove myself innocent because
I have always been the one to blame.
anymore. The one who found a more
comfortable reason not to need to
tolerate this back and forth kind of love.
You did not push me away. I’m the one
who had my arms reaching outward
so no one, not even you, could get close.
I’m the one who should be captured,
the one who should be treated like the traitor.
You never went back on your words, but I did
go back on my promises and made it seem
like my meaning has always been laced
in certainty. I’m the one who broke this,
who destroyed your thoughts on realistic love
because I couldn’t make up my selfish mind.
I’m the one who should have all the fingers
of injustice pointed in my direction. I’m the one
who should have to pay for the crime. I’m tired
of trying to prove myself innocent because
I have always been the one to blame.
"I’m the one who should say sorry,"
I’ve been finding myself waiting
for your words lately. Waiting for
a sign that this might not be
over yet, and that maybe we
could go back to the beginning
and start off from where
we have never been before.
We went from strangers
to lovers in a matter of moments.
There was never an in-between,
never a, let’s just be friends.
We have always wanted more,
always yearned for more.
for your words lately. Waiting for
a sign that this might not be
over yet, and that maybe we
could go back to the beginning
and start off from where
we have never been before.
We went from strangers
to lovers in a matter of moments.
There was never an in-between,
never a, let’s just be friends.
We have always wanted more,
always yearned for more.
I still want you, and I still want
your everything. I never stopped
wanting you. Even when you
said that you no longer wanted
me. But it’s always been like this
for us, hasn’t it? Someone always
longing for someone who doesn’t
even know what it is that they
want and who they will end up
sharing it with. But I don’t care
about how many people you have
loved while I was away because
I still want you, I still want this,
and I will always still want us
your everything. I never stopped
wanting you. Even when you
said that you no longer wanted
me. But it’s always been like this
for us, hasn’t it? Someone always
longing for someone who doesn’t
even know what it is that they
want and who they will end up
sharing it with. But I don’t care
about how many people you have
loved while I was away because
I still want you, I still want this,
and I will always still want us
I’m still running around
in circles trying to figure out
where it started to go wrong,
and where it was exactly
that I started to miss
your hearts inevitable need
to distance itself from mine.
in circles trying to figure out
where it started to go wrong,
and where it was exactly
that I started to miss
your hearts inevitable need
to distance itself from mine.
But she was perfect,
and she was mine.
And I wouldn’t have
traded her love
for anything.
and she was mine.
And I wouldn’t have
traded her love
for anything.
I want to be the reason
that you never want to
give up on love. That you
will always keep fighting
even when your fists are
worn out and all they want
to do is surrender. I want
to be the reason that you
will never give up on love,
because you are the reason
that I am still holding on
to this idea of forever.
that you never want to
give up on love. That you
will always keep fighting
even when your fists are
worn out and all they want
to do is surrender. I want
to be the reason that you
will never give up on love,
because you are the reason
that I am still holding on
to this idea of forever.
Forever doesn’t
mean anything
if it doesn’t mean
you and me.
mean anything
if it doesn’t mean
you and me.
If you open my desk drawer
you will find one letter from
every week since you’ve left me.
I don’t know why I keep writing
to you. There is a piece of me
that hopes you might be able
to feel my words against the parts
of your body that I have touched,
the parts that are polluted forever.
you will find one letter from
every week since you’ve left me.
I don’t know why I keep writing
to you. There is a piece of me
that hopes you might be able
to feel my words against the parts
of your body that I have touched,
the parts that are polluted forever.
I don’t know why I haven’t
sent them to you yet. Every letter
is a confession, another fragment
of evidence to why it was
that I could not be strong enough
for the both of us. For why I could
never just give you the truth
of my emotions instead of hiding
them beneath layers of neglect.
sent them to you yet. Every letter
is a confession, another fragment
of evidence to why it was
that I could not be strong enough
for the both of us. For why I could
never just give you the truth
of my emotions instead of hiding
them beneath layers of neglect.
My heart will never
be yours to keep,
to hurt, to break.
I will never give
all of my love
to someone
who is as
cruel as
you.
be yours to keep,
to hurt, to break.
I will never give
all of my love
to someone
who is as
cruel as
you.
i tied you to the sky
so in that case i will never
lose sight of you.
so in that case i will never
lose sight of you.
He called you beautiful, didn’t he? Told you
that there would never be a girl like you who could
have this effect on him. And you believed him, didn’t you?
Looked past the truth because in the end, we all just want to be
someone’s everything. When he took you out, he tied you
around his arm. He made you feel as if he was saying,
”Look. Look at this girl, this woman, this everything
I have ever wanted and received.” It made you feel special,
made you feel above everyone who didn’t belong to him.
You can say that you did, that’s okay that was the point.
That was his intension all along. But tell me, when those months
passed and you could feel his once tight grip around your love
loosening, did you still feel above the rest? Or did you blame
it all on the time changing and not on the certainty of it all?
That this is what he does. Builds a home inside of someone
whose only hope is focused on forever while his is only focused
on how much he can consume before he gets too full and cannot
finish what he started. When was it that you started noticing his
inevitable distance? When he hardly replied to your texts?
When he promised to call you back but got side-tracked
instead? Or was it when he started treating you
like a chore and not what you really are, which is a priority.
When he stopped taking you out as often as he did before,
pushed you out of the center of his universe, did you create
an excuse for your heart because you were not yet ready
to let it down from the reality of it all? The fact is that what
once made you feel so secure is now going to be
the most dangerous thing for you. But right now is the time
to accept the harsh truth, and now is the time to show your heart
that not everyone is sincere as they seem. So do for your heart
what he never could and give it closure. Give it freedom.
Give it everything it deserves, and everything that he could
never keep up with. Show your heart that there is still love
beyond this world that you built with him. That there is still
something worth fighting for, even if that means
that it is no longer going to be fighting for him.
that there would never be a girl like you who could
have this effect on him. And you believed him, didn’t you?
Looked past the truth because in the end, we all just want to be
someone’s everything. When he took you out, he tied you
around his arm. He made you feel as if he was saying,
”Look. Look at this girl, this woman, this everything
I have ever wanted and received.” It made you feel special,
made you feel above everyone who didn’t belong to him.
You can say that you did, that’s okay that was the point.
That was his intension all along. But tell me, when those months
passed and you could feel his once tight grip around your love
loosening, did you still feel above the rest? Or did you blame
it all on the time changing and not on the certainty of it all?
That this is what he does. Builds a home inside of someone
whose only hope is focused on forever while his is only focused
on how much he can consume before he gets too full and cannot
finish what he started. When was it that you started noticing his
inevitable distance? When he hardly replied to your texts?
When he promised to call you back but got side-tracked
instead? Or was it when he started treating you
like a chore and not what you really are, which is a priority.
When he stopped taking you out as often as he did before,
pushed you out of the center of his universe, did you create
an excuse for your heart because you were not yet ready
to let it down from the reality of it all? The fact is that what
once made you feel so secure is now going to be
the most dangerous thing for you. But right now is the time
to accept the harsh truth, and now is the time to show your heart
that not everyone is sincere as they seem. So do for your heart
what he never could and give it closure. Give it freedom.
Give it everything it deserves, and everything that he could
never keep up with. Show your heart that there is still love
beyond this world that you built with him. That there is still
something worth fighting for, even if that means
that it is no longer going to be fighting for him.
"Stop fighting for the wrong kind of love,"
I find myself waiting
for a call from you, a text
message, an email, a letter
in my mailbox with a Vincent
van Gogh stamp in the corner.
I’m still waiting, still anticipating
for the moment when you
will bring me back into your
life, or come back into mine.
It’s been nine months since I have
last heard from you. We went
from being inseparable for three
years to being complete strangers
in a matter of minutes. What were
we thinking when we thought
that this distance between us
could only make us stronger,
only bring us closer together?
We were fools in love from the
very start, and now that we
have reached our end I can
still only see us as those hopeless
romantics who are yearning
for love like it was the only
feeling that we ever needed
to keep us from falling apart.
for a call from you, a text
message, an email, a letter
in my mailbox with a Vincent
van Gogh stamp in the corner.
I’m still waiting, still anticipating
for the moment when you
will bring me back into your
life, or come back into mine.
It’s been nine months since I have
last heard from you. We went
from being inseparable for three
years to being complete strangers
in a matter of minutes. What were
we thinking when we thought
that this distance between us
could only make us stronger,
only bring us closer together?
We were fools in love from the
very start, and now that we
have reached our end I can
still only see us as those hopeless
romantics who are yearning
for love like it was the only
feeling that we ever needed
to keep us from falling apart.
"We may have been fools, but at least we were fools in love,"
I’ve been hiding behind
the truth for months now,
and I’m just trying to find
the courage to face it.
That this is all we will ever
be. Two lovers who have yet
to come to terms that this
is really it. That all we have
ever worked towards was
useless because in the end,
we would be even more
distant than we were
from the very beginning.
the truth for months now,
and I’m just trying to find
the courage to face it.
That this is all we will ever
be. Two lovers who have yet
to come to terms that this
is really it. That all we have
ever worked towards was
useless because in the end,
we would be even more
distant than we were
from the very beginning.
You want to forget about me. You want to
erase everything that we had ever
created together, so you climb onto another lover whose hands will never do the proper justice that my hands once did.
You press your lips against their lips
in hopes of finally forgetting everything that
we had ever shared. But I can assure you
that it won’t be that easy to remove
my memory from every part of your body
because I am a permanent part
of your structure. And if you rid of me,
if you try to move the remaining pieces
of what we have left, there is no telling
what might happen to the both of us.
erase everything that we had ever
created together, so you climb onto another lover whose hands will never do the proper justice that my hands once did.
You press your lips against their lips
in hopes of finally forgetting everything that
we had ever shared. But I can assure you
that it won’t be that easy to remove
my memory from every part of your body
because I am a permanent part
of your structure. And if you rid of me,
if you try to move the remaining pieces
of what we have left, there is no telling
what might happen to the both of us.
You didn’t love me.
You loved the thought
that there was someone
out there who has also
experienced the kind of
hurt that you have.
But no, you didn’t love
me. Because if you did,
you would have never
put me through the pain
that you once claimed
ruined you forever.
You loved the thought
that there was someone
out there who has also
experienced the kind of
hurt that you have.
But no, you didn’t love
me. Because if you did,
you would have never
put me through the pain
that you once claimed
ruined you forever.
I use your absence as inspiration
to make the pain of it a little more bearable.
to make the pain of it a little more bearable.
You took my indifference
between sincerity and passion
and showed me that there is
no in-between. That there is
only one feeling to be felt. And
knowing what I now know,
I know that all you felt for me was
a synthetic kind of love.
The kind that consumes you
until you finally get what you
came here for in the first place.
I saw you the other day,
you know. Your hands were
tied around another woman’s
waist, and I couldn’t help
but to wonder if she is just
another victim caught inside
your web that is made up
of pretty words and poison.
And I would call her a fool,
but if I could, I would trap
myself inside of your web
for the rest of my foolish forever.
between sincerity and passion
and showed me that there is
no in-between. That there is
only one feeling to be felt. And
knowing what I now know,
I know that all you felt for me was
a synthetic kind of love.
The kind that consumes you
until you finally get what you
came here for in the first place.
I saw you the other day,
you know. Your hands were
tied around another woman’s
waist, and I couldn’t help
but to wonder if she is just
another victim caught inside
your web that is made up
of pretty words and poison.
And I would call her a fool,
but if I could, I would trap
myself inside of your web
for the rest of my foolish forever.
"I was too hopeful to see that your love was just a trick,
We miss each other
because we don’t want to
forget about the feeling
that we used to think
was so alive and well.
because we don’t want to
forget about the feeling
that we used to think
was so alive and well.
We love each other
because we don’t want to
give up on this just yet.
because we don’t want to
give up on this just yet.
We need each other
because we don’t want to
lie in this bed alone,
reminding ourselves that we
could have tried harder.
because we don’t want to
lie in this bed alone,
reminding ourselves that we
could have tried harder.
And we cling to each other
because we are still
not ready to let go.
because we are still
not ready to let go.
You broke me for the sake
of your own pleasure, and
I was a fool to ever believe
that you were different.
of your own pleasure, and
I was a fool to ever believe
that you were different.
We will fall in love
and we will not look back
on everything that tore
us apart once before.
We may not remember
why we came here,
or why we left this
behind in the first place,
but we won’t have to
question the reasons
to our own legs moving
in a direction that will
only lead us to each
others arms. Because
when we finally fall in love,
and for real this time,
we will never have to
remind each other
of the past that only
pushed us apart.
and we will not look back
on everything that tore
us apart once before.
We may not remember
why we came here,
or why we left this
behind in the first place,
but we won’t have to
question the reasons
to our own legs moving
in a direction that will
only lead us to each
others arms. Because
when we finally fall in love,
and for real this time,
we will never have to
remind each other
of the past that only
pushed us apart.
The longer you stay away,
the more I seem to miss you.
the more I seem to miss you.
I’m not going to
say goodbye because
I’m not ready to
accept that what we
had is really over.
Even though our love
was toxic, I cannot
seem to rid of the posion
that still remains
in my strung out heart.
say goodbye because
I’m not ready to
accept that what we
had is really over.
Even though our love
was toxic, I cannot
seem to rid of the posion
that still remains
in my strung out heart.
Just because someone loves you
doesn’t mean that they won’t tear your heart
into two. Sometimes it’s the people who try
to convince us that they love us the most
who will only leave us to feel like
we are loved by no one.
doesn’t mean that they won’t tear your heart
into two. Sometimes it’s the people who try
to convince us that they love us the most
who will only leave us to feel like
we are loved by no one.
I still have the desire
to call you up on the phone
and confess to you
that what we once had
is still something
that I want, that I crave.
But there is no use
because no matter how many
times I tell you that I want
you back, there will
always be a reason for you
to keep your heart guarded.
to call you up on the phone
and confess to you
that what we once had
is still something
that I want, that I crave.
But there is no use
because no matter how many
times I tell you that I want
you back, there will
always be a reason for you
to keep your heart guarded.
I do not miss you
because the loneliness
has finally made its way
inside of my heart
where you once
stayed.
I do miss you
because our home
is starting to feel
like vacant rooms
without you
to fill them in.
I do not miss you
because my body
is starting to forget
the way your skin
felt against its
most sensitive parts.
I miss you because
everything I once
thought meant so much
to me means nothing
unless you are here
to appreciate it too.
because the loneliness
has finally made its way
inside of my heart
where you once
stayed.
I do miss you
because our home
is starting to feel
like vacant rooms
without you
to fill them in.
I do not miss you
because my body
is starting to forget
the way your skin
felt against its
most sensitive parts.
I miss you because
everything I once
thought meant so much
to me means nothing
unless you are here
to appreciate it too.
"I miss you for the right reasons,"
If you forget about me
someday I won’t mind.
Because at least I will
have those memories
of when we were happy
pressed against the sky.
someday I won’t mind.
Because at least I will
have those memories
of when we were happy
pressed against the sky.
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