I keep reminding myself to never believe all the things people say late at night, because nights are for fantasies and illusions, things that were never true.

i messaged you earlier saying sorry for what i have said the other night, but the thing is, i don’t really know why i did that. i just thought that even though you gave me so much pain, perhaps you don’t deserve half of what i said to you. i am overwhelmed by so much anger and hate that i want to stab you with words that would not just hurt you but would also kill you. but like what i have told you, it didn’t help, it didn’t lessen the pain. i am badly damaged and i don’t know when will i be completely healed. that night you messaged me and you’re asking for forgiveness, but i left your message unanswered. i didn’t answer you because the truth is, i still hate you. i hate you so much that i don’t want to forgive you. i don’t want to forgive you so it would remind you of how much pain you have caused me. but then i have realized that the very reason behind this anger, hate and pain is because i have loved you. and that alone is enough to give you a chance. i want you to know that i am in the process of forgiving, but know, that when you’re finally forgiven that doesn’t mean that you also got the chance to hurt me again. you can’t. 

it’s 11:43 pm and my mind is still wide awake, thinking about the things i should have done and should have not. mistakes, wrong choices, wrong moves, i swear they still burn in the back of my mind. 

There are certain things that are better left unfinished and words that are better left unsaid, for these things and words when learned and formed together, could shatter and kill you. They are like hidden explosives you didn’t know you would step into. Just when they explode that you would realize they are made to break every part of your body into pieces.

We want people to understand us,
yet we distance ourselves to them.
We want someone to love us,
yet we refuse to give in.
We want people to stay in our lives,
but we don’t let them in.

We are demanding beings,
afraid of taking risks.

One day,
we’ll meet again
- in the most unusual time,
at the most unexpected place,
in the most peculiar way,
- and instead of running away,
you’ll see me looking at you
straight in your eyes,
and see me smiling so wide
simply because, I made it.
I got over you.

She is a girl who believes that she’s a perfect combination of unknown pieces, so she plans to spend her life learning herself. She has a heart thirsty for the truth but a mind contaminated with her own fantasies. She writes thoughts that can no longer be contained by her mind. She writes for herself and for other people. She writes to leave marks. Her dream is to wake up one day and realize that she have lived a life worth living. 

I don’t understand why we have to set someone free if we really love them. Why don’t we fight for them? Why don’t we hold them tighter? Why should we give up on them? Then I came up with this realization, that perhaps, this is life’s way of telling us that if things are not meant, even the strongest unconditional love will fail. And I guess, that’s how fate works.

It’s good you broke my heart because you really don’t deserve me. I have realized that I should thank you for tearing me apart and making me realize that I deserve so much better. Thank you for waking my heart from its own fantasies and opening my eyes from the truth. Thank you for leaving and walking out of my life. I don’t deserve you and you don’t deserve me. You’ve given me happiness but you’ve caused me much more pain. You’ve given me your words but they were never true. You’ve given me promises but you just broke them. I know one day, you’ll realize what you have done and caused me. One day, we will meet, but I would never see you like how I saw you when I fell for you. 

Sometimes the only things we can keep are photographs and memories, but not the people behind those. Tragic, isn’t it? You’ll wake up one day feeling the space on the other side of your bed that only another body you have known for too long can fill. You’ll wake up and do your everyday routine, but then you’ll realize things are not the same like it used to be. You’ll wake up with regrets and it will hit you. It will hit you hard that you will realize you have lost that one person whose smile is as sweet as the glimpse of sunlight every morning. You have lost that person whose hands perfectly fit yours. You have lost that person who sees even the little things about you. You have lost your everything. And now, all you have is nothing but the sad truth– you can look at the photographs and you can reminisce about the memories, but you can never bring back that person.

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