If you think of someone enough, you’re sure to meet them again. // I don’t want a happy ending, I want more story.// One day you lose something, and you say: ‘Oh my God. I was happy. And I didn’t even know it.’ // You were my cup of tea, I drink coffee now-

 I’ve finally learned to love someone who deserves it

"I’m sorry
I never learned anything
But to love
And to leave."

— I’m Trying to Stay for You

The best part about loving you,
was that
for a while,
I loved myself too.

The only thing I tasted on his
lips
was vodka and her
name

Tears are truly words that you don’t dare utter.
And I’ve wasted so many unspoken words on you.

But Tears Are Temporary, And So Were You

I can hear the wind
howling your name,
and I think,
maybe it misses you
just as much as
I do.

I loved him. I loved him.
I could have loved him an entire lifetime,
but life has a funny way of changing plans 
and changing people until you can’t really recognize them anymore.
Even the days you swore you’d always remember
are begging to be forgotten eventually. 
We all have phantoms we are trying to fall out of love with,
so here’s to the ghosts in the next room,
here’s to the parties we never danced at,
the people we never kissed,
and all the time we didn’t spend in love.
I wonder how many people could have chosen me,
could have carried me past the threshold of a house 
that isn’t haunted and stayed there because they wanted to.
It’s a strange thing to know that even the living
aren’t all really alive at the same time. 
And it’s a shame we couldn’t have all loved each other
the way we talked about,
with our hearts and our skin and our hands 
and no time for sorry or polite or please.
I can’t tell you how many times I showed up
in the wrong dreams looking for his face.
One of these days my own will come back to me.
I just can’t remember what it looked like
when he wasn’t the one touching it.

Sometimes you’ll meet someone, 
and they’ll be everything you could’ve ever hoped for. 
And you’ll even start to think that maybe they’re your soulmate. 
But there’s something in both of you,
that just destroys one another.
In theory, 
you guys sound like a perfect match. 
But in reality, 
you use each other as matches to start a consuming fire 
that will inevitably burn one another.

I write to you like a lover
but we have never been in love.
Three AM and I’m sending snapshots
of my heart because you are the only one
who isn’t afraid to look at them.
Sometimes we kiss for no reason.
Sometimes I go crawling into your bed
because I need a space to belong to
and your hands are steadier
than mine have ever been.
Sometimes you get lost
and you wind up on my doorstep,
but it’s okay—
you’re always welcome here.
I tell you all the secrets I’ve been
keeping from myself while you
peel apart at the edges and admit
to all the soft things you pretend
you don’t know how to feel.


I have pretended to go mad in order to tell you the things I need to. 
I call it art. 
Because art is the word we give to our feelings made public. 
And art doesn’t worry anyone.

It would be a miracle if I ever stop loving you.

Caring for someone is scary, 
because you both know how it feels to lose someone 
in the span of a heartbeat.

Silence stood between us. 
Silence put his hands around our throat and strangled our will to speak. 
Silence was a killer.

sext: i don’t ignore you as much as i ignore other people

I ask you how you are and we engage in meaningless small talk, when really, all I want to do is tell you I still love you.

nd things were good for a while, until of course, they weren’t. 
And it was this constant cycle of ‘I’m sorry I fucked up,’ 
And I don’t think I can do this anymore. 
I think the best thing for both of us to do, is just to live our lives as if we hadn’t even met one another. 
Because no matter what, you’ll come crawling back, 
But this time, 
For the best of both of us, 
My silence will be the answer you never expected to receive, 
And maybe this time you’ll leave and stay away. 
And maybe one day, when everything’s all said and done, 
We would see each other, 
As if in another lifetime, and smile, because we both turned out alright, 
But no thanks to one another.

Just because some parts of you 
Died,
With her,
Doesn’t mean you can’t still
Live, 
With me.

I can never unlove you. I’ll just love you in a different way now.

This summer, put your phone away for a few days. Make some memories that no-one knows about. Make some memories that are just yours.

"each day
i am finding
new ways
to love you.

There was never going to be an us 

because you wanted to be missed

more than you wanted to be loved." 

"The hardest thing about losing you is that it didn’t just happen once. I lose you every single day that we don’t speak. When I wake up in the morning and reach for my phone and hope to see a message that isn’t there, and when I go to sleep at night after I realise that the only person I want to moan to about how crap my day was, isn’t there. And I lose you in all of the moments in between, in all the hours of silence that go by where I do nothing but think of you, go to call you, and then I don’t. I lose you when I watch certain films, listen to certain songs, and go to certain places that are all tainted with certain parts of you and how you make me feel. And I used to think I could only miss you when I was alone, but that’s not true. I miss you when I’m around everyone else, too. Because they are not you. But you’re always there…somewhere. I can’t not think about you. It’s only when I’m asleep that I get a break from it. From thinking and wanting and missing. But, then I wake up the following day, roll over, check my phone, see that you didn’t call and I just know I’m going to feel it all over again."

Even if you know what’s coming, you’re never prepared for how it feels.

You are the knife I turn inside myself; that is love. That, my dear, is love.

…if I ever feel far away know I am not gone.

You are the stars
And I am
the midnight they
fling themselves upon.

My body is an ocean
and you are every river.

Hell exists.
it’s here.
3 a.m.
awake and
without you.

Watch my soul bathe in memories, and weep.

Please tell me
I’m not as forgettable
As your silence
Is making me feel.

I think about you. But I don’t say it anymore.

we are like
night and day,
you and i.
there’s nothing
but stars between us.

I do not even need to look at you
to see you.

I wish that I had known in that first minute we met, the unpayable debt that I owed you.

"I am on your side. But you have no way of knowing it, because our heart is blind.

Today is your birthday.
I wish you would answer my calls
so I could tell you how much
I wish you were never born
miss you.

My life is nothing but room for you,' I said. 'It could never be filled by anyone but you.'

Memory was supposed to fill the time, but it made time a hole to be filled.

I don’t know if love’s a feeling. Sometimes I think it’s a matter of seeing. Seeing you.

Tonight, there are people here who are in love, who are touching each other for the first time. It is beautiful like demolition. In the flashing lights, we turn our faces upward, our cheeks so shiny that our tears could be mistaken for glitter."

You were the ending to a novel I’ll never finish.

You are more home than
the house I live in.

In my mind,
in this house
of memories,
I sleep with you
every night.

You go your way,
I will meet you
at the end.

We never stop loving silently those we once loved out loud.

It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight.

I fall in love with you again
every single morning when I
remember what it was like
to wake up next to you.

I was better at missing you
than loving you,
and I guess that’s why
you left.

I don’t care if you hide me away, as long as you come find me again.

The memory of your rough voice undresses my memories.

If we are silent for long enough,
we could start over.

I haven’t seen you
in 18 months.
And yet,
I still
come home
to you
every night
when I
fall asleep.

Good-bye, and hello, as always.

I hope someday we actually end up together
even if it’s just in someone else’s memories.

You speak almost no words, but your heart screams. And somehow I hear it.

Even a painful longing is some form of presence.

i remember you as someone i want to forget,
but at the same time as someone i want to discover
and rediscover again and again,
until i no longer recognize you for what you once were.

with you.
my eyes
become
hands.
and
i touch you everywhere.

There was too little 
or too much to say,
not enough words, 
too much emotion 
between us.

I was too little or.. maybe you were too much.

I returned

to confirm

there can be no return.

I wish you weren’t a cliff
I wanted to jump from

I remember you 
like a dream 
tattooed to the inner walls 
of my long term memory, 
but some days
I wonder 
if you even existed 
at all.

Before it was over I wanted to send you a postcard that said:
Don’t try and kill something
that’s too big to bury.

I wonder, love, are you
a long farewell that never ends?

And I am jealous
of your tattoos and how long
they will stay with you
after I go.

But it happens that I want you, and so I just haven’t room for any other desires.

Even when I hate him, I love him. Even when he stops calling, I hear his voice.

I am still at war with a battle
that is already lost.

 The last eight times I told you I loved you, they sounded like apologies.

"3AM: the time to miss people who don’t miss you."

You look like a winter night. I could sleep inside the cold of you."

"I turned off my phone
Because I could not
Handle the certainty
That you were not
Even trying to talk
To me."  -

"Two types of people who can’t look at you in the eyes:
Someone trying to hide a lie,
And someone trying to hide a love."

"Remember, we bathe under the same sun, and sleep under the same moon. We are much closer than you think.

It hurts to love, but it’s worth it.

Love wouldn’t be so beautiful if you didn’t have to die a little bit to create it. Love has always cost pain.

I made love. He just fucked.

You told me I was the one,
Mean while you were writing her name on my body with your tongue.
I’m still not sure which one of us you really loved. 
But I’ve got traces of her all over my skin;
You touched me after you held her, I could feel her on your fingertips-
I’m willing to bet she tasted me on your lips.
I’ve watched her dreams die in your eyes-
Because no one wins loving the boy who locks his phone at night.
We both should’ve known you had something to hide.”

I breathe easier
with the weight of your body
lying on my chest. 

 You will know
when you meet
her, and want
all of her.

Do not take
it all. No matter
how much you
ache for her. 

 

 I live in the hollow

space between
swallowed promises
and forgotten
kindnesses.

Somehow, I have
managed to build
these walls up
around me without
disturbing the
emptiness I have
come to harbor.

I think I found you
inside of these walls,
sometime closer to
yesterday than the
tomorrows I expect
to exist through.

I cannot yet tell if
it was a dream or
some dangerous
reality, though neither
is any less terrifying
than the other.

 

 I remember
how seeing the shape of your mouth
that first time, I kept staring
until my blood turned to rain.

Some things take root
in the brain and just don’t
let go. 

I write poetry 
to make love to you
even when I know 
you are making poetry
with someone new. 

 I hope she tastes
like all the words
you never could
pull out of me. 

 Only give her
what you are
willing to lose. 

 I feel your name
between my legs
and hope that, 
somewhere,
underneath your
skin, you are 
shaking with the
taste of mine. 

 I want your
touch without
having to wish
that I was the
only one feeling
it when I closed
my eyes. 

 Stars were
born from 
the smiles
of people
like you. 

 

I walked past you on
the street today and
I could not make myself
breathe right.

I had to remind my
heart that the pieces
of you I had once fought
to help you keep had
drowned long ago.

I place flowers by
the water every morning.

I had to remind myself
that those lips were not
the same ones that opened
gates that had been
rusted shut, not the same
ones that filled my body
with music and this vibrato
of wanting.

I think of the day you
told me you no longer
loved me. I walk
faster.

I think of the skin I
slept against all those
nights we could not
convince ourselves to
move. I stumble on
flat concrete.

These are the days I
miss you most, when I
see you and am forced
to remind myself that
you no longer live in
the body I once knew so
well. You moved away
so long ago. 

the boy you loved has moved away from the body you know to be his

Some people will
only reach inside
of you to find lost
parts of themselves. 

 

I am wondering if
someone, somewhere,
falls asleep with their
arms wrapped around
the thought of me, as if
the more they wanted,
the closer I’d become.

My fingers are numb
with reaching. I wake,
arms outstretched
toward faces I have
been missing and lips
I can only dream of.

I am wondering if
someone, somewhere,
knows that I fall asleep
hoping that they are
content in whoever’s
bed they have chosen to
dream in for the night.

I want only to know if
I am alone in these
places. I want only to
know if I am the lone
inhabitant of this
wondering.

 

 You’ll always be my favorite what-if. 

The friends you will call extensions
of yourself the day you graduate high
school may not be the first people
you call when you get engaged.

Not all kisses will be good ones.
Some will be wet and miss your
mouth by so much, you’ll start to
wonder if they’re looking for
something beyond you, something
your skin will never add up to.

The first time you go home with
a stranger, tell them they are
beautiful and spend the night
begging them to show you
more of their heart in between
your crescendos and releases.

When you leave in the morning
without saying goodbye, hope
they understand that it was
for their own good.

The people you love can be
untouchable and hard and mean
when they have been hurt, but
do not let that stop you from
breaking down their bathroom
doors and holding them together.
You will find that people often
insist that they are whole far
more when they are falling apart
inside of your arms.

It took me so long to learn that other
people are not limbs. You can hurt
for them when they break, but your
pain will not be one in the same with
their experience. Do not tell her you
“know how she feels”, tell her you
will be here when she needs to
release it.

Pain can be so great, but the
sky is always the most beautiful
after nasty storms, bent on
knocking down trees and keeping
homes in the dark.

Buy an umbrella.

Don’t let anyone tell you
that you do not already
have everything you will
ever need.

 

I expected to want
you for all the reasons
I have wanted before,
the ones with names
I don’t remember and
phone numbers I
never wanted to ask for.

You climbed inside of
me some night while
I was sleeping, you
must have.

I feel the weight of
another body settling
somewhere in this
skin, making itself
comfortable, as if
to claim a corner of
me otherwise left
untouched.

 

thoughts from the unexpected

 Taking from me
has always been
easy, I never
hold on very
tightly. 

 

You are a blessing,
like all the other
curses before you. 

i never thought i would call you a stor

 

I do not think you met me.

I do not think you loved me
or touched me or felt me, I
do not think you dug a hole
inside of me.

I do not think you knew me.

I think you happened to me.
I think you continue to
happen to me.

I will not give you the
satisfaction of knowing
that you earned yourself
a story in this skin.

 

can we pretend that this past year was nothing but a dream with a bad ending

I am meeting new people and still falling asleep with the thought of you tangled up underneath my skin.

There are new boys here that you ask me not to kiss. I hear your girlfriend asking you to get off the phone on the other edge of the line we are balancing on. You will hang up soon enough.

I have learned to listen to your words as if they are lighter than the air they live in. I cannot make you jealous because you do not care for the beautiful things inside of me, just as you pay no attention to the condition these hands are in. I shake in 100 degree heat.

I miss feeling you against me, cold and rigid, a love meant to be earned.

I miss feeling unwanted by you, the only one I ever asked for.

 

 I cannot make
these dreams
stop because I
never gave them
permission to
begin. 

 How could I be such a fool as to think I could love anyone after you? 

 I love even
the pieces
of you that
you never
let me see. 

 You were never
the words, you
were the god
damn paper. 

You will always
know me in this
way no one else
ever will; my heart
has always been
the problem. It
is not strong
enough to endure
you anymore. 

it’s never goodbye

 I knew I loved
you the day I
realized I had
allowed you to
hurt me. 

 The people you
love will be the
ones who hurt
you worst, if only
because they 
know how to do
it best. 

Do not abandon
yourself for those
who would
abandon you. 

 I want to be
remembered
in my absence.
Like the stars,
I want to be
seen even when
I am gone. 

 I have always
loved you like
I love myself;
no wonder you
left this home
so heartbroken. 

 I have never been
your best choice;
always the ‘maybe’
that you trip on
when your girlfriends
ask you about home. 

 Why is it that
you search for
your own
beauty in the
eyes of others? 

you’ll never feel whole if you’re only ever looking to a reflection

Kiss the stars
goodnight; all
they do is look
after you, and
you only speak
to them when
you are wishing
for more than
they gave you. 

 I am often
mistaken
for the people
I have been. 

i am trying so hard not to go back to them

 I will never
stop loving
the ones
who left. 

i still hear footsteps as i am falling asleep

We wrote songs
about the love we
felt for ourselves;
songs you never
let us play.

 

I broke 3 promises
this year, all of them 
were to myself.

 haven’t stopped
writing poetry for you,
and so I know I must
still love you.

 Dare to lose
yourself in
the things
that will not
remember
you. 

if you knew it was going to end this way, would you have done anything differently?

 

Growing up meant
learning that others
would not always
love me the way I
wished for them to.

It was understanding
that movies are simply
stories, like ours, just
without all the grime
and the hideousness
and the torment.

It was understanding
that truth was not
always so easy to find,
and if found, could
not be swallowed by
the weak.

We spent so long
trying to shape
ourselves into people
who never existed;
into pretend bodies
coated with promises
of stories worth
telling.

 

 We have lived
through too many
storms to drown
in calm water. 

 I can feel you
starting to forget
what it’s like
not to regret me. 

 I forget those
things I loved
before you; I
often wonder
if I was one of
them. 

 By the way he
touched me, I
knew it would
hurt when he
left me. I was right.

 I am a raging
fire; if you 
choose to kiss
me, you choose
to be burned
to the ground. 

"And I learned ‘You deserve better’

was sometimes no more

than a synonym for ‘I don’t want to hurt you,

and I want you to be happy,

but I don’t love you anymore’"

You are my 1 in 7.063 billion.

"'But people are oceans.' she shrugged.

‘You cannot know them by their surface.’



my wallet is empty just like my soul
Cry tonight.
Have a cup of coffee in the morning.
Breathe.
Get through work.
Breathe.
Remember that you’re better off on your own than with someone who keeps hurting you.
Don’t look back.
Don’t look back.
Repeat. -

. The sound of your footsteps as you walked away echoes in my mind. You used to be my favorite song.

2. You were my dream. You felt like heaven. Now you star in my nightmares and I feel like I am a living hell.

3. The look in your eyes when you turned away engraved into the back of my retinas and not even smoke can burn it away.

4. Where do you go when home leaves you?

5. Your eyes are cyclones swirling with pigments that trapped me in a never ending hurricane.

6. I’m scared I’ll forget the color of your eyes.

7. You had caution signs all around you but I walked into you like a death trap.

8. I spilled my heart to you and I guess that’s my fault because I know you’ve always walked away from messes.

9. I have a scab on my left arm and I’ve been picking at it for weeks now just to see how many times I can break and then heal again.

10. I’m angry and exhausted and I would swim every ocean for you but you wouldn’t even walk out in the rain for me.

11. I find myself yelling and cursing at the moon because it reminds me of you.

12. I’m sick of screaming “come back” when you couldn’t even sigh out a goodbye.

13. I wish you’d come back.

"i remember 
the way your fingers
traced my blue veins;
because of your touch,
the only marks I want
left on my wrists
are your fingerprints."

1. 3 weeks into knowing each other, I distanced myself so far from you I might as well have moved across the country. I am so sorry.
2. Once you start falling in love, you can’t stop. You just keep falling and falling until you fall forever for that one person - or you fall and you break. I broke you, and I am so sorry.
3. There’s different types of fears. There’s hesitance and there’s suffocation with a scent of death. You were the latter. I am so sorry.
4. When you give into fear, you either cope with it or it kills you. When you killed parts of me, I killed all of you. I am so sorry.
5. Handing someone your heart is like handing them a gun and giving them permission to pull the trigger. I should have warned you; I love to flirt with tragedy. I am so sorry.
6. I’m more stubborn than a hurricane on acid. I taught winter how to be cold. I’m more inconsistent than cell phone reception in the middle of a forest. You dealt with my cruelest flaws but I couldn’t even deal with your habit of short fingernails and coffee breath. I’m so sorry.
7. You spilled your heart to me and I forgot to mention all I do is walk away from messes. I am so sorry.
8. You were in such a dark place, so I ran. I guess I was scared of seeing something so similar to me besides in my own reflection. Fuck dammit, I am so sorry.
9. I never cheated and I never lied or hit you or cursed at you or used your flaws against you, or anything like that but oh god, did I hurt you. I am so sorry.
10. I remember lots of “I’m sorry’s” and “I can’t do this anymore’s” and “I don’t want to hurt you’s” — but I don’t remember a single “goodbye”. I am so fucking sorry.
11. You were 11 when you lost your mother. Not to a coffin, but to burning vodka and poison-filled needles. I am so sorry. (I hope she is too.)
12. 11 months and 12 days later, I’m counting up to our year anniversary. Since I left, all I’ve been doing is drinking and smoking and fucking until I feel that distinct feeling of feeling absolutely nothing at all. Happy Anniversary, darling - I am so sorry.
13. I’m not sorry because of my countless mistakes. I am sorry because you loved me and I love you and I lost you. I am so sorry. I will always be sorry.
"

-

13 apologies // (everyone usually writes about someone who hurt them, so I thought I’d try something different i should plant you in the ground so you can grow the fuck up "You waste your time questioning life instead of living life. When you order something and you say “Can I have?” instead of “I’ll have.” Before every act of impulse you ask, “Should I?” or “What if..?” Stop questioning, kid. If you keep on doubting throughout your whole life, on your death bed you’ll still be questioning “what could have been.” Do you want to die wondering? Or do you want to live entirely?" - stop questioning life, and live it.

So those nights when you need someone else.. Delete my number



\\ What a talent it is to break two hearts at one time

“You always come back but you never stay down.”

don’t let him ruin your favourite songs, don’t let him ruin your favourite movie, don’t let him ruin yo
i don’t like your clothes take them off

"MARRY SOMEONE WHO CAN MAKE YOU LAUGH IN PUBLIC AND SCREAM IN BED

I’m not a complicated person to figure out. you’re just not listening to the words my soul is screaming to you.

Because maybe you’re right.. Maybe everyone does deserve another chance to make it right.

- And if we can’t, it was a beautiful try. 

My hips were just something for you to hold onto at 2 a.m.

My collar bones were just something for your tongue to trace.

You didn’t love me as a whole.

You loved my lips for the way they felt against your skin. You loved my eyes for how wide they got when you whispered “mine”, with your hands in between my thighs.

You loved my legs because they only opened that easily for you.

But you didn’t love me.

You loved the way I fucked you & screamed your name & rolled your blunts & crushed down your pills & how I made you feel.. I was the only one who could make you feel.

But you didn’t love me.

- You never fucking loved me.

you wrote your name on my heart in permanent marker but only let me write on yours in pencil

I still taste you when I breathe
and I still hear you in my sheets.
The pillow smells like menthol
and the bathroom reeks of your listerine.
I think I was meant to break your heart
and be broken by your absence.

I did not ask for this.
I did not ask for this.
I did not ask for this.

You’re acting like I never mattered, which contradicts all the rivers you cried

 Remember, you touched my body, not my soul. You don’t know me at all

don’t think I would’ve smiled at you that August in the library if I did.

2. You’re as beautiful as you are cruel-

3. You never called me back. Do you make me wait because you know I will?

4. I’m not sure if I’ll ever hear your voice again & I’m not okay with that but you didn’t give me a fucking choice. You never do.

5. I don’t know why I always think this time will be different. You were born to rip insides out & leave hearts thirsting for you; I met your mother, I know she tried her best, I don’t understand.

6. Apparently, sometimes someone’s best isn’t enough.

7. But your mother’s still lovely & your sister loves me, doesn’t that mean anything to you? Tell them I said hi.

8. No. Don’t. Tell them I’m sorry I couldn’t show you what love was. Tell them I tried.

9. I never tried so hard at anything in my life until I fell in love with you- I never failed at anything so much until I fell in love with you.

10. I poured everything I had into you & you poured it into another girl.

11. You were the first person to make me question my existence.

12. I’m not sure if you were ever really in love with me & that thought alone devours me like a flesh eating disease.

13. I know you’re not sorry. I wouldn’t believe you if you wrote an apology letter in your blood & sealed the envelope with your tears.

14. I gave so much to you & I don’t want it back, I just want you to act like you fucking remember.

15. You have no idea how much it hurts every time I look at my phone & I don’t see your name. Wars are happening inside of me & I bet you’re somewhere smiling.

- 15 text messages I haven’t been drunk enough to send. (via

I miss the way my body melted into yours, like we were one…

Maybe that’s why I can’t remember who I was before you.

Maybe that’s why I’ve felt so fucking lost since you’ve been gone.

- I hope you feel just as empty without me

I am that clumsy human, always loving, loving, loving. And loving. And never leaving

This vodka tastes like I’ll be calling you later telling you I love you

If we’re meant for each other, I pray that we end up together but until then, please help us to be happy on our own. 

Well maybe i’m just too young 
To keep good love from going wrong… -

He isn’t one of those people you plan on falling in love with,
he didn’t come straight out of a Nicholas Sparks book,
it doesn’t happen right away,
but after some time you’re just going about your business
and in between inhaling and exhaling it just occurs to you
“oh shit, I’m in love with him.”
And once you realize that it stick to you,
you can’t go a day without remembering that you love him
and honestly it will kill you.
Because after he had his heart broken once,
he decided that staying for too long was too dangerous
so instead he breaks hearts,
and he does it so well it seems like an art. -mnb- I’m prone to addiction so I should have known that after tasting your lips I would be hooked 

i swear to god i’d rip open my own heart just to show you you’re all that fills it

 You kissed me with ecstasy on your lips, no wonder I got addicted.

dont you think its crazy right when you start to think about someone,and they suddenly appear somehow in some way

She flirted
"write about me" 

and I told her
"break my heart first"

WHEN I MET YOU, YOU TOLD ME YOU LIKED BLONDE HAIR
I DIED MINE BLACK

YOU BOUGHT ME FLOWERS
I DID NOT WATER THEM

I MET YOU AND YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE LOOKING FOR LOVE
SO I HID YOUR BINOCULARS AND RAN

BUT NOW MY LEGS ARE TIRED AND MY HAIR IS LIGHT
AND I’M STUCK WITH A DOZEN DEAD ROSES

Legend tells me that when I can’t sleep
it means someone like you is dreaming of me

but what happens when I lie awake at night
with tossing and turning and a heart endlessly pounding 

when I know that you’re wide awake across town
kissing him and giving him love until you have nothing left? 

do you still dream of me then? 

What if you don’t complete the person that completes you? 

dear professor i couldn’t finish my homework because life is pointless

I want to text you. Just to remind you that I’m still here.

But then I remember that you know I’m here. You just don’t care.

I would rather die of passion than of boredom. - Vincent Van Gogh (via screeches)

When he’s bad, he’s bad
But when he’s good, no one’s better.

I never asked you to save me, but if you knew all you’d ever do is break me, why did you fucking touch me

This is not for you. When I light those cigarettes after one another.

This is not for you. When I drink 8 shots of tequila.

This is not for you. When I cut my hair short.

This is not for you. When I cry because my shoulders feels so heavy and my lungs are tired of breathing.

This is not for you. This is for me. I don’t want recognition, nor attention. This is for me, because these are the processes to get over you.

- This is not for you. This is for me.

If they ask you about me, tell them “She was the only girl who loved me with honesty, and I broke her.”.

One day, you just looked at the life we built
And decided it was not enough for you.
You turned and ran so fast
That I never even saw it coming;
You never even had the decency
To tell me goodbye.
It was never about me;
It was you deciding that you wanted more
Than I could give you,
More than us,
More than me.
You left.
You have no right to pop back into my life
With faux apologies and sad eyes,
As if I’m the one who broke us.
You don’t get to tell me
How it should have been us in the end.
I already know.

It should have been us.

Maybe the world shapes you up as the person you thought you’ll never be.

When people say my poetry is beautiful, what they meant was that you’re beautiful, too. And that I lost you.

If she’s too good for you, my God, don’t leave her. Instead, make an effort to be good enough.

You know you’re starting to fall for someone when your first thought in the morning isn’t how you are, but how they are.

did your cocaine heart feel something when i said that to you

But what if I never get over you?

What if I continue to wake up every day of my fucking life & want you so badly that my bones shake so much that they feel like they’re going to break?

What if I keep waiting for a call or a text or a sign from God that never comes?

What if you were the one but I wasn’t?

Sometimes I just want to remind you that I’m still alive.

I’m so desperate for your lips to speak my name.
Two boys have said it since you but it never sounds the same.

I think they could see you inside my eyes.

Your eyes put fires to shame.

I’m sorry that my eyes aren’t beautiful. They’re as black as your soul- maybe that’s why it hurt to love me. Maybe you saw too much pain when you looked at me.

I tried to forgive you for bruising
my ribs with your lips, the same lips you used to kiss her.

Do you remember that night I cried until 4 a.m? You layed me down & wrote an apology letter with your tongue; You weren’t sorry but my God, it felt like it.

Realizing that you were never sorry, that you still don’t regret breaking me like I was your mom’s favorite vase, taste like the very last time you kissed me goodbye.

You were never sorry & you knew you weren’t coming back.

- It’s been two years & I’m just now starting to accept that.

 ou called me.

It took you two fucking years but you called me.
I bet you heard my heart stop & start again,
My heart was beating in my ears-
Drowning out an apology I’ve written books around.
I was days away from forgetting the sound of your voice, I just know it;
But it was kinda like hearing my favorite summer love song,
I wasn’t sure if I’d remember the words,
But I found myself singing along.
It was like we picked up right where we left off-
Funny how you always love me in the Summer,
Then forget the way you held me by August.

You held me like I put the fucking stars in the sky,
But then you left.
And you didn’t look back for two years.

And it hurts to remember that-
But I have to,
Because when I heard your laugh I almost forgot,
I almost forgot all the poems I wrote in my blood for you.
I almost forgot the nights I drowned all your words in vodka-
there wasn’t an apology in any of the bottles.

I missed you in ways I can’t put into words.
I ached to my core,
even my bones hurt.

I cried so many tears for you.
I cried when I read what you said to her,
…You said you loved her.
I cried that whole day,
You called me at work,
to tell me you were catching a bus back to her in so many words.
I cried oceans on my way to watch you leave.
You didn’t change your mind. You didn’t come back.

You broke me in ways every man in my future will hate you for.
When I have a daughter one day & I talk to her about heartbreak,
I’ll tell her your name.

You nearly killed me & you didn’t even blink.

- I’ll forgive you but I won’t forget