I already said too much. I already shared too much, and I want all my secrets back. I hate getting close to people these days, I always regret sharing too much, caring too much, doing too much, feeling too much.

I have been treating you 
like the bandage
when you might actually
be the wound.

It doesn’t always matter
if I get the joke.

I just like listening to you laugh.

People wonder
where I have gone
I have not left
I am simply
disappearing.



you said go
so i ran
i ran as fast as i could
until i couldn’t see you anymore
i’ve been around
a few times
but only when i’m gone
do i realize
where i’ve been

i should not have said anything i should not have

the fact that i have to choose between my grades and my own mental and physical health is really fucked up

why fall in love when you can fall asleep

do you ever look at a couple and say to yourself, “wow you guys are probably going to break up lol”



what’s the point of anything

MAKING ME FEEL GUILTY NEVER WORKS NO MATTER WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH

you cannot even breathe deeply, and
the night sky is no home, and
you have cried yourself to sleep enough times
that you are down to your last two percent, but

nothing is infinite,
not even loss.

 I want to hug u when you’re sad and I smile when you’re not

Although sometimes you told me you were scared, you never seemed it.

The world seemed an awful lot bigger for the fear of losing you-
but kinder, too, for having you in it at all.

Now I am lying on the sofa, in my own world

I don’t think you ever saw this one
and I feel very small without you
somehow even smaller standing next to you these days.

However long the war goes on, there is only one possible winner
and the winner is you.

For the most part I try
not to believe in hope.

But when it is 3am and I wake up thinking of you, I can’t help but dream a little
of all that might be if I could only shakes these fears within a week and be free.

Between dreaming and waking I see you sleeping next to me, and it hurts, it hurts more to know what was never mine
than to love and to lose

I like the mess of these things we call our lives.
I like that you and I both have probably cried in the rain one too many times
and smiled under it, maybe for the same reason.
I like that every person we meet in a dream is a face we once knew in real life, and I like being awake at night, knowing
I am living then in someone else’s mind.
I like the stranger on the train who smiles as if we knew each other before we were ever born
and I like that there is no real order, yet we all find a place
in one another’s lives.


I smiled when you told me I was special but it also made me horrifically sad
that I still didn’t believe it


I lie when you ask if I want you to stay because you already know that I do and I already know that you have to go anyway, and I don’t want you to see me cry. I liethat I’m fine, I just have a cold, my throat hurts, I can’t sleep. As time goes on I pretend I am forgetting you.
I lie so that I can survive on my own. I lie to myself, too, that it’s better this way. I lie that ‘better’ and ‘easier’ are the same. I lie to stop myself from loving anyone too much.
I lie that I’ve been missing you since you left. (I’ve been missing you since the first day we met.)

I’d stand in the shadows of your heart and tell you I’m not afraid of your dark.

 I fall in love with dreams
far too easily.