I loved you in a way I wished someone would love me."// mixing vodka with emotions / "Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness."

You’ll never find the right person if you never let go of the wrong one.

I know you think I don’t talk to you,
But I do.
I tell you everything.
I write essays with my fingertips,
Leave prose on your flesh,
Kiss doubts and insecurities and love into your skin.
Maybe you aren’t listening.

stop calling people sensitive just bc you don’t want to try to understand what they’re feeling

Concept: I finish school. The job I work isn’t my dream job but I enjoy doing it greatly still. It pays enough to cover everything I might need. My bills are never overdue. Money is not a thought in my head. I have a place to live. So do my dogs. It is nice and warm, I have some plants, my bookshelves are full, my sheets are always clean. There is time to read at the end of a day. I read a lot. Thinking is a good thing. I meet up with friends regularly, old and new. They love me. We make memories. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I travel a few times a year, always different places. The places I see steal my breath away. The people I meet teach me of life. They are good. There is no war. The sea calls to me and pay visit. I am independent. I am content.

I’ve stopped being sorry for all my soft. I won’t apologize because I miss you, or because I said it, or because I text you first, or again. I think everyone spends too much time trying to close themselves off. I don’t want to be cool or indifferent, I want to be honest.

memories are like falling leaves
they're blowing in the wind
you try but you can't catch them

There are some people you fall in love with and even though it didn’t workout for whatever reason, you would still be there for them and help them whenever they need you. True love never dies.

'If you look for perfection, you’ll never be content.'

Heaven is this moment. Hell is the burning desire for this moment to be different. It’s that simple. 

Friends are the most important ingredient in the recipe of life.

One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl. I wear colors that I really like, I wear makeup that makes me feel pretty, and it really helps. It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see. Your body is your temple, it’s your home, and you must decorate it.

a little magic can take you a long way.

To find peace, you have to be willing to lose your connection with the people, places and things that create all the noise in your life.

Maybe sometimes, we are the ones breaking our own hearts. We walk into a situation, get attached to someone all by choice. And then we let them break our hearts, because we’re the ones who gave them the opportunity to.

"Just because I don’t show my pain doesn’t mean I don’t feel it."

I found I was more confident when I stopped trying to be someone else’s definition of beautiful and started being my own."


All I wanted was to own a dog with you and eat unlimited amounts of pizza with you but you had to be an asshole and fuck that shit up.

“ https://instagram.com/p/BIuDZ0sAkn4/

i wish u knew how bad it fucked me up

time doesnt always heal, sometimes it just leaves you with the question 'WHY?'

I am both worse and better than you thought.

I tell myself I am searching for something. But more and more, it feels like I am wandering, waiting for something to happen to me, something that will change everything, something that my whole life has been leading up to. ”

 I have many lovers, at least, I think I do. I have lovers I have never touched. Lovers I have never seen. Lovers I have only shared words with. Lovers both platonic and sexual. I think a lover is someone who is genuinely interested in the thoughts and feelings you keep deep inside. A lover is someone who wholeheartedly cares for you. ”

'Not everyone deserves to know the real you. Let them criticize who they think you are.'

Don’t get mad. Don’t get even. Do better. Much better. Rise above. Become so engulfed in your own success that you forget it ever happened.'

'Don’t worry if you’re not where you want to be yet. Great things take time.'

'If someone makes you feel, let them.'

'They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.'

'I don’t want to remind you of anyone. I want to be the first me you’ve ever met.'

"It is like an illness: the desire to see someone, the strong, deep yearning. No, I have not explained it. I was working today, writing. My head was busy: my mind was filled with the work. Yet all the while I was conscious of a physical pain–a gnawing–as if a piece of me had been cut off. And the mind could do nothing about it. It was physical: it was in the veins, in the blood, in the skin. That is why human relationships are dangerous–because the mind has no power over them."

I like boys who have warm hearts, but I always meet heartless ones. 

be your own sun and be your own moon

I miss you and I have missed you but somehow I’m at peace with not having you anymore

it’s hard being a person who is full of love, but has learnt that not everyone deserves it… constantly holding myself back because I want to adore someone but I know they’ll just end up hurting me

When you lowkey hurting inside but you gotta act like you chilling all the time.

communication = understanding

"Loving too much always kills you. It rips you apart and messes up your mind. It leaves you wide awake at 3 in the morning wishing you never had any feelings."

I miss you deeply, unfathomably, senselessly, terribly."

It breaks my heart that I spent so much time being such a good woman to someone that never appreciated or reciprocated it. It breaks my heart that I knew I was being neglected and still kept trying and trying and trying even though things never changed. It breaks my heart that I made myself go through this for so long. It breaks my heart that I still nurtured and loved them while knowing how much of me was missing and breaking more and more every day from giving so much and never receiving love. It breaks my heart that I sacrificed so much of my well-being for someone who will never understand, realize, or apologize for the trauma that stems from years of me being neglected.

"When I miss you, it’s like every song I listen to is about you."

I just don’t know how to love with anything less than my whole heart.

"Love is the art of forgiveness."

"Everyone you meet has a part to play in your story. And while some may take a chapter, others a paragraph, and most will be no more than scribbled notes in the margins, someday, you’ll meet someone who will become so integral to your life, you’ll put their name in the title."

"Perhaps the butterfly is proof
that you can go through
a great deal of darkness, yet
become something beautiful."

"I’m not afraid of commitment. I’m afraid of surrendering control too quickly–of
placing my heart into hands that won’t know how to hold it."

"We don’t mean
to hurt each other
but we do.
and perhaps
no matter how
right we are for
each other,
we’ll always be a little
too wrong."

"The more time
and distance
you put
between us,
the larger
you grow in my heart."

"I’m beginning to recognise that real happiness isn’t something large and looming on the horizon ahead, but something small, numerous and already here. The smile of someone you love. A decent breakfast. The warm sunset. Your little everyday joys all lined up in a row.""Because it is easier to destroy something you love than it is to watch it leave."
Everything is gonna be ok, dont' feel sorry for meI only lost you.And you lost me. 
"Settling for something
that does not make
you happy is like diving
underwater for air."

"I came to realise that there were some things in life you would never get over, some transgressions you could not forget or forgive yourself for, some pains that would not pass, some people you would never stop missing."
"Goodbyes are important. They are how we know we’re doing the right thing. If they come easy then by all means leave and never look back. But if you open your mouth and feel the words get stuck like glue in your throat, you are making an awful mistake."
"I gave you a second chance.
I ran back into a burning house
to save the things I loved."

"Love me like you're drunk and lonely at 5am with no one else to text."
"Whoever said actions speak louder than words has never been silenced by the deafening howl of a small, unexpected goodbye."
"How can I trust in love? How can I trust in anything that can be so present one moment and so absent the next?"
"You don’t know distance until you’ve shared your bed with someone who’s falling out of love with you."
I love you,
But I don’t know if that’s enough. 

I’m glad that I forgave you.
I wish I never had. 

I’m good at remembering things
Which is both a blessing and a curse.
I remember what you wore
The first time you kissed me 
And the way it felt right
To finally get to kiss you back.
I remember the sound of your voice 
And the messed up way you played guitar,
Not good enough to be good 
But not bad enough to be bad.
I remember loving you,
Like a dream I’ve had on repeat for years.
I guess the words I write are a reminder 
That I don’t get to forget you. 

I guess it’s too much to ask
That I don’t cry when I see your face now.
I guess I don’t get to know what it’s like 
To make you happy anymore.
The person you turned into 
Is more than I had ever dreamed of,
And I guess that says something
About the way I thought of you.
Id be lying if I said 
I was still laying in your arms,
But I honestly can’t deny
That I notice that his don’t feel the same.
That’s the best and worst thing about him. 
Someone Better than Me will Love You
I’ve always been good at loving people 
And terrible at showing them I do.
I’ve never been made of soft edges
And spaces to hide away,
I’m just a ridged spine
And cold hands.
There’s nowhere to feel safe 
In the cage I call my ribs,
No kind words spilling
From the spaces between my teeth.
All I’ve got is love 
And no way to show it. 

I’m sorry for the days I make you regret loving me.
I hope one day I can stop being sorry.

2014: Just because I write you love letters doesn’t mean I’m in love with you. I can’t even remember the last time I kissed you. I think they’re break up letters.

2015: You taste like spring and that scares me because I know what’s coming up next. Summer burns make my skin peel and autumn reminds me that flowers don’t last through winter.

I breathe underwater
And it feels like new life.
I feel like it’s love.
It feels like I want it to be. 

I wanted to find love
That didn’t look like
An empty room 
Or a phone flashing a missed call.
I wanted love 
To sound nothing like
Shattering glass
Or a slamming door.
I wanted love that tasted like spring
And not ashes.
I thought I had that in you.
The room was full
But we were both packing.
The glass was fine,
But only because we pieced it back together.
And the taste of summer reminded me that we’re about to lose our leaves.
I wanted to find love
That didn’t hurt.
I think that means
It wouldn’t include me. 

Did I need it? No. Did I buy it? Yes.

How to turn anger into dollars

got a broken heart?? put it in rice

In my dreams, you are stupid enough to love me.
In my dreams, I am stupid enough to let you.

I thought that if I stopped writing about you, I’d stop missing you. I was wrong. I always am when it comes to you. 

The old me would have died for you.
And she did.
The dragon she kept locked up in her ribs
Turned into the lamb you sacrificed.
The sinner became a servant,
Moved from standing tall to bended knee,
And the acid that left her lips
Became butterfly wing kisses on hands that wouldn’t hold her.
The new me has learned to live for herself.

All my words are the right ones,
But you’re wrong person to tell them to.
The truth is, I could be lying to you everyday
And you’d never know the difference.
I mean it when I say it’s not our time now.
I mean it when I say I’m not sure if it ever will be.

I have seen the sun.
It is short brown hair
And big hazel eyes,
And a smile that shines so bright my skin burns.
It is night drives
And a shared glass of wine,
And a shirt I think I’ll never get back.
I have seen the sun,
But I am drawn to the moon.

Chase me. Write me a love letter and beg me to stay. Swear that you won’t ever make a mistake like that again. Mean it. Say that you’d rather die than lose me. Tell me that you’re gonna be the last boy I ever have to forgive. Show me that this wasn’t a waste. Remind me what we’re fighting for. Fight for it with me. Fight for me. 

Maybe I’ll let you go one day 
But I hope you won’t mind
The imprints on your skin.
I’ll hold on to you too tight,
I’ll really want to keep you.
There’s nothing worse I can do. 

 My mind feels cold
Without you in it.

And if you stay, I will show you my best. I don’t know what that is yet, but I’ll make something up for you.

You’ll break my heart.

I’ll let you. 

But just once,

And then nev
er again. 

I’d lose my mind before I lose you but I guess it’s the same thing. 

I hope you know I haven’t stopped thinking about you. You haunt me everyday. I look for your ghosts everywhere. 

I have no idea what you see
When you’re dreaming with your eyes open.
I just hope I’m there. But I Doubt I Am 

I’ve never told you about anyone else before. I never thought I was going to. It was always you or nothing for me but I don’t think of you when I hold his hand anymore and it terrifies me. I haven’t been so scared since you. 

It’s easy to love you at your best,
When the sun shines out of your eyes
And all the right words slip off your tongue.
It’s easy to love you at your worst,
When you’re vulnerable and weak,
And look at me like you need me.
But in between,
When you are everything and nothing
All at once,
Is hardest.
I love you still.

One day, someone will break my heart so bad I’ll finally stop thinking of you. 
but not today.

You told me you would be
The greatest love of my life,
But your eyes aren’t brown,
Like 7:00 AM coffee,
And your hair isn’t black,
Like ink all over my paper.
You’re green like spring
And you change with the seasons.
So do I.

I gave you love. I gave you time. I gave you my dignity. All of it was yours and you’re still asking for more. I have nothing left to offer. I don’t want to give you anything else. 

Isn’t it enough for you that I stayed even if you didn’t love me? Do you have to make me hate myself for this too? 

And maybe I’m selfish for making this about me but you sure didn’t think it was stupid when I made everything about you. 

Honestly, my goal is to build a life, and career, where I’m not constantly waiting for the weekend. I don’t want to live that way, where I hate five days of the week because I hate my life and job so much, that the only relief I get is Saturday and Sunday. I want to enjoy my life, and not wish it away every week. I want each day to matter to me, in some way, even some small way. I want to like my life, all of it, not just my life on the weekend.

current mood: thirsty for new music.

Jeśli możesz, napisz kiedyś na blogu, że kobiety potrzebują racjonalnego wytłumaczenia. Logicznego, takiego prosto z mostu i konkretnego typu: sorry, nie możemy być razem, bo masz za małe cycki, poznałem inną czy coś w tym rodzaju.
Po podaniu konkretnego powodu kobietom łatwiej dojść do siebie. Natomiast, jeżeli rozstajesz się z kobietą i mówisz jej, że jest dobra, idealna i można z nią planować życie, ale nie możecie być razem i tu podajesz serię błahostek, to po prostu jesteś tchórzem, a ją narażasz na to, że się nie pozbiera. Albo, że zacznie robić głupie, nieracjonalne i niebezpieczne rzeczy.”

dont get too attached to a person cause nowadays u neva know what they doin, who they talkin to, missin, waitin on, or wishin they fuckin w/

Can’t stand a “why didn’t you text me first you know I missed you” ass person. Phones work both fucking ways.

Resting sad face

don’t do SHIT for a boy. don’t shave for a boy. don’t fake your interests for a boy. don’t leave school for a boy. don’t lose weight for a boy. and don’t cry for a boy. the world is full of boys but there is only one of you.

Don’t be afraid of losing people, be afraid of losing yourself trying not to lose someone else.

Play with my hair instead of my feelings thank u

Fall in love with someone who wants you, who waits for you. who understands you even in the madness; someone who helps you, and guides you, someone who is your support, your hope. fall in love with someone who talks with you after a fight. Fall in love with someone who misses you and wants to be with you. Do not fall in love only with a body or with a face; or with the idea of being in love"

i think the worst feeling ever is when someone means more to you than you mean to them

“ I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me. ”

“ Something great is about to happen to me: I’m about to love somebody very much. ”

“ There’s an opposite to déjà vu. They call it jamais vu. It’s when you meet the same people or visit places, again and again, but each time is the first. Everybody is always a stranger. Nothing is ever familiar. ”

“ You are not accidental. The world needs you. Without you, something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it. ”

“ I loved you on this day. I love this memory. ”

“ Stop loving people who will never know how to pronounce your name with the magic that it deserves. ”

“ Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but ‘Mom’s’ probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes. ”

“ She’s a paradox. She is faithful and yet detached. She is committed and yet relaxed. “She loves everyone, and yet no one. She is sociable and also a loner. She is gentle and yet tough, she is passionate but also platonic. In short she is predictable in her own unpredictability. ”

“ Some people are good at loving, others are good at being loved. Two very different things. And some people, perhaps the luckiest of all, are good at being loved and giving that same love in return. ”

“ Maybe the people that don’t get it aren’t supposed to. ”

“ People change. There’s no warning and they usually don’t care if it hurts you. ”

 Je ne sais pas si ce n'est qu'une jolie rencontre ou bien si c'est le début d'une belle histoire. ”

“ tacenda ”

—    (noun) A Latin word, meaning things better left unsaid; matters to be passed over silence

Plus tard il sera trop tard, notre vie c'est maintenant.

Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to write it down, and either you over dramatize it, or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to.

Avoir peur de choses dont vous ne savez rien n'a pas de sens.

one of the most toxic things i’ve ever done is ignore the bad in someone because i love them
does anyone else just feel the strong desire to change, to travel, to meet new people, to just start over somewhere you’ve never been before

You can’t find someone who doesn’t want to be found.

"Jeśli kobieta cię o coś pyta nie okłamuj jej. Skoro pyta, to znaczy, że zna już prawdę i tylko czeka

there was
a space between us
that kept
pushing me away
every time i tried
to reach closer

I started to look
for someone like you
I wanted to meet someone
with the same brown deep eyes
as yours
the same warm smile
the same soft hands
and the same everything
and then I remembered
the way you hurt me
and I never wanted
you or someone
like you ever in my

 wanted to delete everything
i started by messages
and then i wanted to delete time
all the things i did wrong
when i met you
and then i thought
how foolish of me
i just wanted to get back
and have you once again

i found love
in your eyes
but maybe i should
have never looked
i found love
in your lips
but maybe i should
have never kissed
i found love
in your hands
but maybe i should
have never touched
i found love
in your heart
but maybe i should
have never hold
i found love
in you
but maybe i should
have never think of forever

we started to blame
our mistakes on things like
wrong place
wrong plans
wrong coincidence
wrong weather
and then we started to blame
one another
wrong words
wrong actions
wrong kisses
and in the end of all
we didn’t know
who to blame anymore
for where we went wrong

But when I was with you I was so happy you know? I just completely stopped writing and you know how much it means to me it was like the air that I breath and then you became it. You became my air and everything was about you. You made me happy in a point where I just wanted to live it not analysis it. I don’t know either it was a good thing or not but you made me forget everything. And I loved you more than anything and anyone and you left me and took all the pieces of happiness and I wad just left with nothing but my paper. Maybe I should write more and forget about you. Maybe I should have written since first. I will write until I no longer do it for you.

there are a millions way
to get drunk
but i choose
your lips always

I walked so far away until I felt my feet sore. I looked at a thousand faces but I was only searching for yours. How much I wanted to see you. Maybe your hair have gotten more darker or curlier. Maybe the sound of your laugh has changed or the way you walk or just you. I wanted to see you, to know if my heart would still beat for you, if my hands would still reach for yours. Maybe I still love you or maybe not. I got so tired today. Another day without you.

Alessandra Barilla for Atlas Magazine

Malgorzata Juchnik for Atlas Magazine

Malgorzata Juchnik for Atlas Magazine

Shelley Richmond for Atlas Magazine

Shelley Richmond for Atlas Magazine

i know i said
as long as it last

bur maybe by that
i meant forever

maybe it was meant
to be this way
sometimes when things fall
they break
they can’t be fixed
or changed
or maybe loved again
sometimes some things end
even when we thought
they never would

it hurt
when i looked into
your eyes
and you never looked back

without knowing how
or when
or why
and how i wish i never did

maybe i was wrong
your heart never beat fast
when i was close to you
it was only mine
beating out of me
so loudly for you

start with little things
words that bring out the best of you when you write them
feelings you want to get out of your chest
write about what you love, what makes you happy, what hurts
write about anything that makes sense to you and what doesn’t 
just write to breath again
start somewhere and you’ll see yourself in a beautiful process and you’ll love it

it was love
or maybe not
or maybe close to it

but it was also the kind
of feeling i had never
felt before
and never feel it again
after you

sometimes i feel
sometimes i don’t
i fall asleep with the warmth of your hands
and i wake up cold
sometimes we are
sometimes we aren’t
one minute you are the blood in my veins
the next you bleed out of them
sometimes i hate you
but always love you
i love you always

I did it all wrong right?
Since the very first time when you hold my hand I was more focused on the veins in your wrists rather than the warm feeling you gave me.
I was more focus on my sadness rather than the ways you tried to make me smile.
When you cried I was more concerned in the way you could barely catch your breath or how your hands shake rather than the light your tears burn in your eyes or the words in your tongue.
You said you preferred tea and I made you a dark coffee pouring a little milk like the color of your hair.
I did it all wrong.
I should have held your hand longer and hug you tighter.
I should have loved you better.

his love was strange
and addictive
it felt like forever
and goodbye
at the same time

your voice was
my favorite sound
to fall asleep
i have been
sleepless since
you fucking stopped
talking to me

your hands
were never
mine to hold
your love
were never
mine to keep
you were
made for me

We didn’t met at the wrong time. It happened in the perfect heartbeat we just didn’t loved right. We ended up leaving each other empty. Maybe we will meet again on the stars, in another life, on heaven, or maybe on a train station or a coffee shop and we will learn how to love

maybe my love
wasn’t enough
to make you stay
or maybe
it was just too much
for you to handle

“But why? Why do you make someone fall in love with you when you are not going to stay?” she asked him almost crying

I’ll never be able
to forget the color of your eyes
or the softness of your hands
or the curve of your lips
or the way you hurt me

I stopped looking for reasons why you left.
It doesn’t matter anymore

how many words
we left unsaid
how many kisses
were yet to taste
how many hugs
we forgot in our way
how every part of me
aches you

maybe it wasn’t
but it was so close
i could almost
feel it in my bones

to me you
are like a deep blue
and all i wanna do
is swim into deep
even if it means
i can drown

the sky is
blue today
it reminds me
of your eyes
once they were
filled with love
when you looked
at me
now they’re
empty blue
it’s like
you never felt me at all

If I keep looking at your lips while you’re talking just so you know I wanna kiss the fuck out of you

Please tell me
I’m not as forgettable
as your silence
is making me feel.

I miss you sometimes, I really do, but it’s not like swallowing pills or drinking alcohol till I can’t remember your face. It’s not like those lines “I can’t live without you I’m gonna die”. I know I can breath without you but I swear I can barely catch my breath sometimes when I think about you holding me tight and how your soft hands felt on my skin. I loose it sometimes and the only thing that comes in my mind is how beautiful you look when you read or how you would kiss my head when I was sick. I know I can do it without you but oh God how much I need you closer. How much I love you.

i hope you find someone that matches your capacity to love

This is what I like about photographs. They’re proof that once, even if just for a heartbeat, everything was perfect.

I think part of the reason people take photos is because they’re afraid that moment will never happen again.

Stop running after the waves. Let the sea come to you.

How odd is it that we can find so much happiness in someone who is so sad

— Everyone rebloggs the same word but no one sees the same face

Le vacarme de son silence et la présence de son absence

Speak your heart. If they don’t understand, the message was never meant for them anyway.


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