“I can’t even look at you anymore, all I see is this stranger that once meant everything to me.” // Why should I be sad? I have lost someone who didn’t love me. But they lost someone who loved them.

“Why do you put your self esteem in the hands of complete strangers?”

“You held on to something that never held on to you, and that was the problem.”

“The people I have loved in my life have never been easy to love. I’m not used to normal. I’m used to disaster.”

“I was always hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it – to be fed so much love I couldn’t take any more. Just once.”

i heard your voice today
i heard you laughing
and in that short moment
my heart ached
like it always does 
(for you)"

“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.”

1. Your strength is not all you are, showing a soft side does not make you weak, it makes you human. Be selective about who you open up to, but don't be afraid of opening up. It will make you whole.
2. Taurus: You are wiser than you let on, stop playing the victim. You know what you have to do in life, and you know what you should be doing. Stop pretending you don't. You are not lost, go after what you want, you know how.
3. Gemini: You're not letting yourself live, and living through everyone else isn't fulfilling. Let loose, and stop trying to control those around you. Take charge of your own life and let go of others. Toxicity has no room in your life.
4. Cancer: You need to shift your focus, this game you're playing is not healthy. You may not realize it but you are stronger than your weakest point. Pick yourself back up. You can do this.
5. Leo: You may seem like you have everything under control but you are the biggest disaster you've ever seen. Scream, go for a run, vent, say what you need to say. Stop hiding from yourself. You can't do this forever. Let yourself shine, if they can't accept that, they aren't meant to be in your life.
6. Virgo: Your life is out of control, and you're barely keeping it together. Please, take a day or two and just relax. Let your hair down, wear sweatpants, and don't even worry about it. Don't feel guilty, just do it. You deserve it. You work hard enough as it is.
7. Libra: You are worth it. Every second, every day, all this heartache you're going through, it'll be worth it in the long run. Don't give up. I promise, you'll thank me.
8. Scorpio: You need to understand that other people are important in your life. They matter, and you know they do, deep down. Stop pushing them away. They have feelings, and they love you. Show them that you love them too, okay?
9. Sagittarius: You don't have to brush everything off, sometimes it's okay to get upset. It is not okay to dwell, though. If something really does bother you, talk about it, let it out. Do not continue to let it rule your life, though. Find your balance.
10. Capricorn: You may not realize how appreciated you really are, but the people around you don't realize that either. Let them know how you feel, and they will return the favor. Get your feelings out in the open, and beautiful things will happen.
11. Aquarius: You need to stop hiding from everything, because you're still very transparent. It's just hurting you even more. Please be honest more often, it'll be a work in progress, but do your best.
12. Pisces: You have to try and remember that it is not you against the world, you are not alone. You have shoulders to lean on, and there's a whole world out there that loves you. You are part of the universe, and it loves you too.

tbh i’m here for my boys too, like i’m here for every boy who cried alone, wiping away tears quickly and guiltily, because crying wasn’t “manly”, i’m here for fat boys, skinny boys, boys who rejects hyper-masculinity and are shamed for it, i’m here for every boy who was laughed at in the locker rooms, every boy who loves lipstick and mascara, and every black or brown boy who is afraid to walk home at night because of violence that may come from anywhere in society but is always targeted at him, i’m here for every boy who was told he wasn’t a boy, i’m here for every conflicted boy who must choose between what he believes is right and what he was raised with, i’m here for every boy who was manipulated by this twisted patriarchy we all exist in and is trying in some way to make things right.

When I told you to move on,
I didn’t really want to see you go, I thought maybe you would fight for me like you had numerous times before.
But you didn’t.
You just nodded your head and said ‘okay’, you let me go. I thought at least we would remain friends, but now every time I see you we just walk past each other, like we didn’t spend years learning everything there was to know about one another.
But I think we both know that it wasn’t supposed to end like this."

- B.L letters I never sent

Aries: kind, helpful and very confident/ fucking bossy but gets shit done

Taurus: cute, quiet and sweet/ strong minded and a giant shit talker

Gemini: funny, loud and annoying/ emotional trainwreck that hides it w/ humor

Cancer: nice, emotive and happy/ giant nerd that makes bad puns

Leo: warm hearted, giving and generous/ stares at the floor a lot, likes hugs

Virgo: shy, anxious and talented/ nice af and always thinking about space

Libra: beautiful, social and oblivious / super intelligent and really clumsy

Scorpio: grumpy, distant and a bit rude/ totally cute, dorky ball of anxious fluff

Sagittarius: strange, optimistic and hot/ really attached to their music, ditzy

Capricorn: passive, well liked and adorable/ super aggressive when mad

Aquarius: super smart, quirky and stubborn/ will love you no matter what, total sweetheart

Pisces: weird af, shy and artsy fartsy/ totally talented weirdo who gets excited by art supplies

“Keep your relationship private without keeping your partner a secret. There’s a difference between privacy and secrecy.”

Aries: no number to describe how much they actually care

Taurus: information unknown 

Gemini: literally nothing they don’t care about anything it’s great

Cancer: infinite amount of fucks

Leo: we talkin hundreds

Virgo: 3 on a good day 16 on a bad day

Libra:  a lot but no one will ever know

Scorpio: 69

Sagittarius: ZERO

Capricorn: 1+6-3+14

Aquarius: minus three hundred

Pisces: the same amount as 1D singles sold worldwide

“If it was meant to last, it would have.”

“I like it when it rains hard. It sounds like white noise everywhere, which is like silence but not empty.”

“If you love beauty, it’s because beauty lives within you. If you love art, it’s because you are creative. If it wakes up your heart, a receptor for it already exists within you. Your soul is drawn to the things that will help you unfold your most glorious expression. Give in.”

I think being vulnerable and telling someone you care about them is one of the bravest things you can do at any point in your life.

“Everything has changed and yet, I am more me than I’ve ever been.”

"Unfortunately I’m the type of person that you can screw over 1 million times and I would still be there for you if you needed me."

“Revenge is never a straight line. It’s a forest, And like a forest it’s easy to lose your way… To get lost… To forget where you came in.”

“But then again, maybe bad things happen because it’s the only way we can keep remembering what good is supposed to look like”

do you know this feeling when you listen to a few songs from a band you already knew but you never really listen a lot to them and then you discover how good a band actually is and you’re pissed bc you missed this wonderfulness

“It’s so beautiful to kiss someone who actually means a lot to you.”

“If you’re feeling down, ask yourself “what’s wrong with this moment?” Chances are that you’re upset about something that happened in the past or you’re anticipating something that MIGHT happen in the future. But is there anything wrong with this exact moment? Probably not. So stop worrying. And if there IS something wrong with this exact moment, there’s only 3 things you can do to fix it: remove yourself from the situation, change something or accept it.”

“In life you will meet two kinds of people. Ones who build you up, and ones who tear you down. But in the end, you will thank them both.”

“The biggest lesson I’ve learned is, ‘It’s okay.’ It’s okay for me to be kind to myself. It’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to get mad. It’s okay to be flawed. It’s okay to be happy. It’s okay to move on.”

“She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No, she wasn’t beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul.”

“the space between you and your goals is temporary”

“If we both look at the same moon and you still don’t want to call to say goodnight then maybe we’re not looking at the same moon anymore. Maybe the moon has nothing to do with it. Maybe you’re not the same person. Maybe I’m not.”

She’s too big for small talk;
do you not think that
her presence demands
something more of you?
Like the core of your breath and
being, the pulse of your storm,
your undivided ascension
to the pupils pulling you in.
She’ll knock the wind out
of you so that you can name
the destruction after her when
she’s left. There is a trail of
bodies and rubble and smoke
if you should ever choose
to follow. If you ever muster the
courage to look her straight
in the very eyes you both

love and fear most.

I'm so jealous of all the places you get to be. But in the same time i think that u deserve to be in a peaceful place, bcz your soul needs resting too

You told me once that a soul isn’t something a person is born with but something that must be built, by effort and error, study and love. And you did that with more dedication than most, that work of building a soul―not for your own benefit but for the benefit of those that knew you.

You experience life alone, you can be as intimate with another as much as you like, but there has to be always a part of you and your existence that is incommunicable; you die alone, the experience is yours alone, you might have a dozen spectators who love you, but your isolation, from birth to death, is never fully penetrated.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Say you’re running and you think, ‘Man, this hurts, I can’t take it anymore. The ‘hurt’ part is an unavoidable reality, but whether or not you can stand anymore is up to the runner himself.

I put on an act sometimes, and people think I’m insensitive. Really, it’s like a kind of armour because I’m too sensitive.

“You have this one life. How do you wanna spend it? Apologizing? Regretting? Questioning? Hating yourself? Dieting? Running after people who don’t see you? Be brave. Believe in yourself. Do what feels good. Take risks. You have this one life. Make yourself proud.”

“People are like books. We all have a story, yet we still judge them by their cover”

I like people who have a sense of individuality. I love expression and anything awkward and imperfect, because that’s natural and that’s real.

I must learn to love the fool in me - the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries.

“I think I want to be in love with you but I don’t know how.”

“Some people say you are going the wrong way, when it’s simply a way of your own”

I wish for the same thing I’ve hoped for since the beginning. I wish for a life so brave, so unpredictable, so full of unexpected joys and unforgettable love that no box could possibly contain all my memories.

our sufferings do not magically end; instead we are able to wisely alchemically recycle them. they become the abundant waste that we use to make new growth possible.

If it’s darkness
we’re having, let it be extravagant.

Imagine, I might really become somebody. Someday.

Bravery is a choice, not a feeling.

We move forward by doing difficult things. That’s how you know you’re moving forward.

Sometimes it’s difficult.

My darling, you are allowed to fail without being a failure. You are allowed to make mistakes without becoming one. More opportunities will present themselves, you will find hope again.

I like the scars because I like the stories. Bravery, stupidity, pain—none of them come free.

Van Gogh didn’t start painting til his late 20s, incase you feel like you haven’t found your talent

Mad people, people who stand alone and burn. I’m attracted to them because they give me permission to do the same.

Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer.

aries-
sarcastic, bright, lost. the most beautiful smiles i’ve ever seen. don’t know their own strength or their own value. kind to those that they care about.

taurus-
cruel sometimes, unbelievably stubborn and extremely kind. uncompromising, bad with change, willing to settle. good taste in music, great taste in people.

gemini-
needs reassurance often, always willing to help someone they know. hard workers, strong, athletic, intelligent. never trust that the people they love are going to stay.

cancer-
withdrawn when worried, the brightest thing in the room when happy. bright laugh, naturally downturned lips, issues with expressing emotion. silver tongues but terrible at keeping friends.

leo-
golden like the sunlight, blinding like the sun. kind but harsh, perfect hair, willing to work for what they have. beautiful but sometimes unapproachable.

virgo-
awkward but sweet, never seems to sleep, loves animals. hard to pin down emotionally, mentally, or physically. strong, capable, unwilling to sugarcoat anything for anyone.

libra-
athletic, fierce, independent. when they fall in love they never really fall out of it. a great friend, beautiful smiles, odd taste in food. when they stop something, they tend to not start again.

scorpio-
intelligent and determined, all hard edges and uncompromising ideals. physically fit, likes to help other people, animal lovers. extremely close to their family and friends.

sagittarius-
strong pillars to lean on, supportive of others, good teachers. polite but not overly kind, caring but not overly involved. independent, gorgeous, extremely capable of doing basically anything.

capricorn-
sometimes too much to handle, extremely caring. always put themselves first. feel things deeply. strong eyebrows, bright eyes, big laugh. values material objects and family.

aquarius-
dislikes people as a whole, loves select individuals fiercely and unfailingly. harsh, very smart, materialistic. lazy but once they decide they want something they will go to the ends of the earth to get it.

pisces-

dramatic, loud, fills up the whole room with their presence. bad days are really bad, good days are really good, there is not often an in between. lover of philosophy, deep thought, and beer.

I don’t regret it at all, in fact I’d make the same choice over and over again if I needed to.

Don’t you dare, for one minute,
believe that my kindness makes me
anything but insurmountable.
I did not unzip my chest to every kind of hurt,
and stagger back, wounded and alive,

just to hear you call me weak for trying.

If you are going to leave, just go, and shut that door tight on the way out. I don’t want to play the ‘half in, half out’ relationship game and you’re letting the cold air in.

"And I guess fate just had a different plan for us."

"A guy out there was meant to be the love of your life, your best friend, your soul mate, the one you can tell your dreams to. He’ll brush the hair out of your eyes. Send you flowers when you least expect it. He’ll stare at you during the movie, even though he spent $8 to see it. He’ll look in your eyes and tell you, you’re the most beautiful girl in the world, and for the first time in your life, you’ll believe it"

"There will always that one person in your life who is an exception to all your rules no matter what they do."

“her vibe is attractive. people think she’s stuck in her own little world but i like the fact that all she cares about is her own happiness.”

“Perhaps we’ll meet again when we’re better for each other.”

“And it makes me sad that I don’t cross your mind,
when you’re the reason I lost mine”

“I wonder how many people would still be who they really are without the body and the bank account they have?”

I’m not sure I would recognize myself last year so I definitely think I’ve come a long way. A year ago today I was fairly dependant on another person as a huge source of my happiness, but right now anyone could walk out of my life and I can’t change that, so there’s no point trying to force something to stay out of fear. I am the creator of my own happiness and my life is amazing with or without the presence of the people currently in it.

Whatever you do, never run back to what broke you.

A snake was hit by a car. A woman picks him up, feeds him, and gets him to a full state of health. But then he bites her, injecting her with his deadly poison. On her death bed, she asked “after all I did why me?” The snake responds “you knew I was a snake when you picked me up.”

i dream of ... 
traveling the world,
matinee trips to the movies,
  lazy sundays in bed 
with a book,

riding an elephant in africa,
living by the beach,
or not,
but living none the less 

i believe in ...
unity,
expensive cheese,
& the oxford comma

My body still remembers what it’s like to be your corresponding puzzle piece

Maybe if we were older or wiser or not so afraid. I was too giving, too close, too much too soon. She was just a girl who had no idea what to do with the love of someone who worshipped the ground she walked on. No idea how to handle someone who wasn’t going to leave. Maybe if we could’ve been more kind or patient or maybe we could’ve fought harder. The timing wasn’t right, we were in two different places, we wanted different things. The end of something so beautifully tragic is hard to rationalize, but all I know for sure is that you made me forget every bad thing in this world, even just for a moment, and for that you will always have a place in my heart.

If you’re try to explain to someone how you feel and they tell you that you’re being dramatic/needy/clingy/annoying, walk the fuck away

• I vow to always bring you a coat just in case it gets cold, even though you ensure me that you’ll be fine.
• I vow to kiss the little scars from childhood mishaps while learning the story of each and every one.
• I vow to cook you your favorite meal when you’re sad, when you’re scared, and when you’re sick.
• I vow to leave you surprises around your bedroom to remind you that I love you, even when I’m not home.
• I vow to be your big spoon, your taboo partner, your white knight, and your best friend.
• I vow to always protect you from all the harm I can, and take care of you if you’re harmed by things that are out of my control.
• I vow to love you and love you and love you, until I no longer know the meaning of the words without associating them to your name.

I didn’t realize how much I would miss little things, like saying goodnight to you, or asking you how your day went, or holding your hand while I drive. Even just hearing you say my name or your laugh. I knew I was going to miss kissing you, and going on dates, and sex but I had no idea that the thoughts consuming my mind would be that of holding you close and watching Netflix, while we fall in and out of sleep. Or of us sitting on my kitchen counter at 2am sharing an order of cantonese chow mein. Who knew that finding your hairbrush in my bathroom would leave me sobbing on the tile floor. I was never anticipating this at all.

I’m tired of people saying that you should drop everything for love and put your heart on the line and not give up and keep fighting and all that other bullshit. Sometimes mutual love and passion and caring is not enough. Sometimes it’s more complicated than that, and sometimes you need to respect yourself enough to walk away.

It sucks to know that you’ve had your heart played with by someone who doesn’t know what they want. There’s nothing worse than that, to realize that you probably didn’t mean half as much to someone as they did to you.

If they don’t need you, want you, or miss you, then do yourself a favor and move on

Date any girl your heart goddamn pleases. You don’t have to date a girl who writes, or a girl who reads, or travels. They will not love you more. They will not show you a whole new world outside of your own where fights are majestic and mistakes are forgettable. Date any girl your little heart desires. Date her and love the shit out of her. Date a girl who loves you, and appreciates you, and treats you exactly how you deserve to be treated. Date a girl that’s worth it because of her mind and her heart, not her hobbies.

Sometimes I get hit with overwhelming waves of loving you. Waves that fill my lungs with fresh air rather than water, clearing my mind in it’s wake and strengthening my heart as it beats double time at the mere sound of your voice. Pulsing life through my veins as your lips graze mine and I realize, that this is what it must feel like to be alive.

I promise to care for you when you’re sick and when you’re not. To lean over your body and place a kiss on your forehead when you’re stressed and to always overuse I love you. I promise to mean it. I promise to hold your hand in mine whenever time allows because lord knows the simple gesture makes the world stop spinning. I promise to plant seeds across your skin in the form of kisses and nips and the touch of burning fingertips, coming to life as we grow. My touch etching our story like words on pages in the creases of your body and the softness of your skin. I promise to rid the whole world of hate just to eliminate the darkness overhead and make you smile. Well, that one may be a bit far fetched but I promise to shower you with so much love that the hate rolls off like beads of rain hitting our windshield as we drive in silence. The kind of silence that says everything. I promise to carry you up the bean stock until there’s nowhere left to go but the night sky, as you take your rightful place amongst the constellations like the star that you are. My own piece of heaven shinning bright for all to see but for me to keep. I promise not to take that for granted because lord knows how lucky I am. Truly. I promise to love you like my life depends on it. Like you are holding me afloat amongst the thrashing tides of change, life, and love. And let’s face it, maybe you are.

I love words because they have the ability to elicit such emotion. I also love them because they pose a challenge due to often finding ourselves victims to “what words miss”. The emotions so powerful and so strong that they are unable to be conveyed accurately through text or spoken word. Emotions that, no matter how hard you try, cannot be explained in a way that does them justice. This hurdle of articulately explaining an emotion is exactly what I try to do a lot of the times through writing. Although difficult, one delivered with care, sometimes words are the most beautiful things you can give to someone.

• Never start off a sentence with “no offence”. If you feel the need to do so you should probably re-evaluate what you’re about to say.
• Keep a sweater in your car. Weather is a funny thing.
• “I’d kill myself” is not an appropriate way of saying “that would suck”. There are people who could be contemplating this very thought. Smarten up.
• Go to bed earlier. Your body and mind will thank you later.
• Stop putting off the inevitable clean up of your room and the organization of your closet. It has to be done stop being lazy.
• Voltaire makes a valid point but don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
• People really don’t notice your mistakes as much as you think they do. Don’t worry so much.
• Wear a watch. I mean it, it’s a much classier and more respectful way of checking the time compared to the classic cellphone check.
• That reminds me, don’t rely on your cellphone. Always have it just in case but make silent your new best friend.
• Spend more time with your grandparents. Their days may be numbered (sorry for being so morbid).
• Have your cake and eat it too, in the most literal meaning of the sense. No regrets. You’re allowed to eat horribly once in a while.
• Write more lists, they really do help to wrap your brain around priorities and such. Seriously.

There’s something about the way you look. Not your appearance. I guess look isn’t really the right word, it’s more like the way you see. The way you see beauty in everything. The way that on some days, you don’t. The way your lips twitch every time I catch your eye. It’s the smallest twitch. One that you wouldn’t even notice unless you knew what to look for, but I know. I know you. Your quirks. Your little habits that never cease to make my heart beat just a little bit faster. Things that I often found annoying, that are now endearing because it’s you. It’s always been you. The way you’re constantly late. The way you never,ever turn the dishwasher on, even when you know it’s full. The way you’re always leaving the house without your phone, even though you know I worry. You’re such a scatter brain you know that? These things, these small insignificant things that should set me on edge and boil my blood simply don’t matter. Like when I call out your name to an empty apartment and see your stupid cell phone sitting on our kitchen counter. All I can do is shake my head and smile. One of those real, genuine smiles ya know? The ones that only spread across my face for you. You calm me down and spike my blood at the same time. You’re everything I could have ever dreamed of. You’re it for me ya know? I really hope you know.

I can’t be shaken anymore, by anyone. I’ve got to that point in my life that if you’re not a good person, and you can’t make me feel good with love and life, then fuck off, basically.

if you have someone in your life who genuinely cares about how your day went, and listens fully to the fucked up shit that goes on in your mind, and answers your texts or calls you back, and lets you know you’re important to them and/or generally makes you feel cared for, you’re really fucking lucky and i hope you tell this person you appreciate them and i hope if they treat you right and make you feel safe and loved, you hold onto them really tight.

I lost myself last year, I’m not losing myself this year



I’ve dated people who didn’t have the capacity to love me the way I now understand I ought to be loved. They just weren’t in the position to and that’s okay.



You really want to know what happened to us? I was sick of dealing with all your confusion. Half of the time what we had was amazing, you gave me butterflies and I was so comfortable around you. But that was only half the time. One day you loved me & the next it was like you couldn’t even stand to be around me. I opened my eyes, I don’t deserve someone like you and honestly, I feel so sorry for the next girl because she will be left broken.

Everything in life is so irrelevant compared to loving someone. To be able to love someone so much…that’s just enough. It’s all you need.

Spend your time on those who love you unconditionally. Don’t waste it on those that only love you when the conditions are right for them.
whenever I have my weak days about letting someone go.. I come here and look at all your posts and the things you post about "their priorities" and "if someone says you're being dramatic- walk away" I then realize why I'm walking away and I get my shit together again 👌 thx

You threw her away. You threw away the girl that would do anything and everything for you. You threw away the girl that gave her all and trusted you with it. You threw away the girl that put her whole self into being there for you. You threw away the girl that shut every other person out in her life because she told herself she couldn’t trust them. You threw away the girl that sees the entire world in you. You threw away the girl that went through hell just to be with you. You threw away the girl that was willing to wait as long as it took until she could call you hers. You threw away that girl that still wanted you even when you treated her as if she was nothing. You threw away the girl that spent months hoping you two could be together eventually. You threw away the girl that stays up at night, wondering if you’re okay. You threw away the girl that continued to do so much for you even though she got nothing in return. You threw away the girl that didn’t listen to the bad things that others said about you. You threw away the girl that would do anything in the world for you. You threw her away. And guess what? You lost her.

Romance isn’t about proving to someone you love them with flowers and greeting cards and chocolate. Or even a lock on a fence. It’s a daily reminder. It’s saying, I choose you. Today and every day.

"Never give up on something you really want. It’s difficult to wait, but worse to regret."

I need you. Because you make me laugh more than anyone else, and i’m the best me when i’m with you. And because when you’re gone,nothing feels right until you return.

Sometimes home isn’t 4 walls, it’s 3 cheese pepperoni pizza- Something I always wanted to tell you but never had the courage to say


I hope you know that every time I tell you to get home safe, stay warm, have a good day, or sleep well what I am really saying is I love you. I love you so damn much that it is starting to steal other words meanings.

avoid people who mess with your head

avoid people whointentionally and repeatedlydo and say things that they know upset you 

avoid people who expect you to prioritise them but refuse to prioritise you 

avoid people who can’t and won’t apologise sincerely








I don’t chase people anymore. I learned that I’m here, and I’m important. I’m not going to run after people to prove that I matter.

Removing toxic people from your life is actually not the difficult part. Not feeling guilty about it is.
I want to start 2015 without you in my life— and I want to keep it that way.I won’t beg someone to love me. I learned long ago that there is no use in hopeless pleas of trying to make someone stay. I am too good to chase someone who does not know my worth and I am too wild to keep waiting for someone who doesn’t acknowledge my value. I want to be loved unconditionally. I shouldn’t have to fight so hard for it. I do not have the time to prove to someone that I am worth it. I shouldn’t have to prove any of that; I am worth more than that.

Date someone you can be fucking weird as hell with who at the end of the day still wants to get naked with you.

If you love someone, let them go if you have to. If they love you back, they won’t let you.

Sometimes you’re too busy trying to give someone the world to notice that they’re not putting in any effort at all. This is your wake up call.

A lot can happen in 6 months, but I never expected this.

He’s gone,
You’re sad, 
I get that. 
He left because he doesn’t want to be a part of your life anymore,
I understand. 
However,
You need to fill that hole he left in your chest when he acted like it was a wall and punched through it when he got mad. 
I want you to break your bones back into place, 
I know you broke them all when you fell for him. 
Stop thinking about him kissing you, 
Replace that taste on your tongue with something much sweeter than he ever was. 
I know school didn’t teach you to stop loving someone and how to cope with life when someone leaves, 
But you can battle through this. 
Right now, 
You’re probably numb. 
Every morning you wake up and think about him, 
I know, 
I’ve been there,
Eventually you won’t think about him all the time, 
Memories fade, 
One day you’ll wake up and stop torturing yourself with the thought of him. 
When you realise you haven’t thought about him for a while you will smile, 
You will learn to love and be happy again. 
You will be mended. 
I want you to stay strong, 
Don’t give up,
Do what you have to do to fix this. 
Stop making 11:11 wishes for him to come back,
He’s not going to."

 Nothing hurts the way that emptiness does. Nothing makes you sadder than emptiness does. You have all this pain, and zero drive to stop feeling like shit. I keep telling myself that I’m happier than I was, and I believe myself. However, I’m still not at my prime. I still feel dread when I drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom so I can prepare for the day. 

 We can never go back. I know that now. We can go forward. We can find the love our hearts long for, but not until we let go grief about the love we lost long ago, when we were little and had no voice to speak the heart’s longing. All the years of my life I thought I was searching for love I found, retrospectively, to be years where I was simply trying to recover what had been lost, to return to the first home, to get back the rapture of first love. I was not really ready to love or be loved in the present. I was still mourning — clinging to the broken heart of girlhood, to broken connections. When that mourning ceased I was able to love again. I awakened from my trance state and was stunned to find the world I was living in, the world of the present, was no longer a world open to love. And I noticed that all around me I heard testimony that lovelessness had become the order of the day. I feel our nation’s turning away from love as intensely as I felt love’s abandonment in my girlhood. Turning away we risk moving into a wilderness of spirit so intense we may never find our way home again. I write of love to bear witness both to the danger in this movement, and to call for a return to love. Redeemed and restored, love returns us to the promise of everlasting life. When we love we can let our hearts speak. 

 You will not find happiness in the hands of the person who stole it from you

 I am tired of being the “understanding” friend. I am tired of being the “really nice” friend. I am tired of being the “she’s always going to be there friend”. I am fucking tired of composing myself. I am tired of people expecting me to just deal with their shit. I am more tired of how when I do say something, they joke about it and totally disregard my feelings. You know what? I am fucking livid. And you can STOP taking me for granted. I may give second chances, hell maybe even third chances, but even I have my limits. 

 We haven’t spoken in two weeks and I think I’m finally starting to be okay without you. The truth is, you were never really there. For the past thirteen months, I’ve been prioritizing someone who never put forth the same effort. Never once did I wake up to missed calls or sweet texts from you, all my friends would brag about the adorable things their boyfriends did for them and never once was I able to brag. Never once did you make me feel loved when you told me you loved me. Never once did you show me you cared; telling me wasn’t enough, but you didn’t care about that either. You thought you could just have me whenever you wanted, and god, you were right. I was there for you when you had nowhere to go. I was there for you when no one else was. I was there for you to make you feel loved, to make you feel anything, when you couldn’t. I was there for you, always, whenever you needed me, I dropped everything for you. But when were you there for me? Sure, you were there when I hit rock bottom, when I thought that my world was ending. You told me you loved me and you wanted to make me happy, but I never told you that you were the reason I wasn’t. You were the reason I couldn’t eat. You were the reason I went days without sleep. You were the reason I got as bad as I did. You thought you could fix me, but you were the reason I was broken in the first place. I was a fucking object to you, and I accepted it. I built you up in my mind, I made you the center of everything and that blocked my view of the reality of who you are. And who you are is an asshole. 

 Sometime love just isn’t enough. Sometimes we have to let go of something that once meant the world to us. Not because we want to, but because we have to. But life will keep going with or without them. Life doesn’t stop for you, or for anyone else. Life is life. It’s hard but there are those amazing moments that make you who you are. Don’t sit around crying when you let someone go. Someday you’ll be okay again. Promise. 

 People think that if you love somebody hard enough then everything is just gonna work out. People are wrong. 

 I fell in love with him. But I don’t just stay with him by default as if there’s no one else available to me. I stay with him because I choose to, every day that I wake up, every day that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me. 

 We’re like parallel lines: always close - never together. 

 I wish I could tell you I still love you. But I don’t. And I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. But I can’t put myself through this anymore. I was so lost for so long. And you helped me find myself again. And I need to thank you for that. You made everything bright again. You gave me a reason to love again. I will always love you. But not like I used to. I will love you as a friend. As a friend of a friend. I will love the memory of who you once were. And maybe one day he will come back. And I’ll love him again. But although you gave me more joy than anyone in the world, you’re the only person who’s ever put me through this much pain. And you knew you were doing it. I realise now that you’ve always known how I felt. And you used that against me. So I can’t love you anymore. Because I need to let go and move on. I need to fall in love again. And I think I’m close again. I don’t want to be. And I don’t want to let you go. I never want to let you go. But I have to if I’m ever going to be able to love him. And I can’t hurt anyone like you’ve hurt me. I will never do that to a single living soul. Because any normal person would have killed themselves if they’d been put through all of this. And I was close. But I had to be strong. And I was. I was so strong and I proved that I didn’t need you. I proved that I could stand on my own two feet. And most importantly I proved to myself that loving you wasn’t a curse nor a blessing. It was simply a part of my life. A part that helped me grow. A part I will always treasure. 

 

There’s a difference between somebody who wants you and somebody who would do anything to keep you.

 

Remember that.

 

 I ruined myself for a lot of people that werent even worth it 

 You’ve got too much soul to be handled by someone who has never been passionate. 

 I hope memories of me hit you like a train. I hope you remember that I was the one that talked to you all night when your grandma died and it was me that held you in my arms on the days where all you wanted was to be dead to the world. I hope you remember when we made KD in our underwear and that you kissed me while I was sitting on the kitchen counter. I hope you remember that I was the one who sat through those horribly made horror movies with you just to make you smile and that I was the one who listened to you rant on and on about how much of an asshole your dad was. I hope you remember that I was the one that convinced you to quit smoking cigarettes and that I was the one that always accepted your dumb apologies. I hope you remember that it was always me. You know it was. I hope you know that it was always you too. I hope you remember that I loved all of you. I hope you know it was exhausting. But above all, I hope you’re happy. 

 It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it’s so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn’t coma back. You’re left so alone that you can’t explain. Damn, there’s nothing like that, is there? I’ve been there and you have too. You’re nodding your head. 

 I know I probably don’t cross your mind much anymore but I hope someday you see something that reminds you of me and the things we use to spend hours talking about at night and then your throat gets tight and your heart skips a beat and you finally miss me back. 

 to me, there is no such thing as “moving on”, I think people just deal with it differently. I believe that once you truly love someone, that never really goes away. We cope, we accept that there is no other option but to try to go on with our lives as best as we can without that person, but deep down we all wish that no matter how bad it got, they were still here. 

0. On the tenth day
I changed the garage
combination, the locks on
the doors, my telephone
number and the color of my hair
that you loved so much.
You are no longer welcome
in my home, in my head
and in my heart. 

You can be in a relationship for two years and feel nothing; you can be in a relationship for 2 months and feel everything. Time is not a measure of quality; of infatuation, or of love.

 I don’t miss him anymore. Most of the time, anyway. I want to. I wish I could but unfortunately, it’s true: time does heal. It will do so whether you like it or not, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. If you’re not careful, time will take away everything that ever hurt you, everything you have lost, and replace it with knowledge. Time is a machine: it will convert your pain into experience… It will force you to move on and you will not have a choice in the matter. 

 I know that you miss me, and that you wish things would have gone differently, or that we would have had more time. But do you think you are the only one who has been taken for granted? Do you think that just because I am trying to move on means that I no longer love you? Because no amount of months filled with silence that are put in-between us will ever change the fact that I still love you and always will. We were both so selfish when we first met. We never seemed so be on the same page, let alone the same topic. I was always waiting for you to speak first while you were always waiting for me to touch you. I am sorry for this mess that we both made. This mess that is too heavy for either of our hands to clear. But everyday we are pushing through these heaps of cruel words and mislead assumptions, and everyday we are realizing that not even love could make enough noise to fill in the silence that we created for ourselves. I’m trying to think of new ways to apologize to you, to tell you that I do not think you are the only one to blame. But as I write out letters of regret I am always left with a blank ending, an empty pen, new reasons to why we should have waited. I spend most of my time looking for my courage in the things you left behind. I’m trying to find it because I want to use it for when you come back. I want to apply it so you can see that I am not all talk but over analyzed actions. I want you to think better of me like you did before you were in front of me. I want to be your muse again, your perfected poetry, your everything is still good thoughts. Maybe I will use this mess of bitter thoughts and passive aggressive confessions in your next letter. Maybe this will help you understand a little bit more to why it is that I’m still holding on. Maybe you’ll write back. Maybe you’ll come back. Maybe you’ll help me come to terms with our love suffering in the way that it did. And maybe, just maybe this will help you see that even though it feels like I’m moving on, I’m somehow still right beside you. 

 I don’t care that you got into drugs for three months straight, or how much sleep you lost in that period. I don’t care that you went home and fucked that person and woke up at 6am hating everything about yourself, or that you smoked so much you sounded as though your lungs were giving out. You’re not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness. You’re just human, and being human means you need to survive and you do so whichever way you deem fit, fuck everyone else. 

 

“I miss you. I do.” She whispered over the phone.

“But if I spend all of my time waiting for you, whole seasons will pass without me noticing, and you may be beautiful, but you will never be more beautiful than the first snowflakes of winter or the summer light cascading through the windows.”

“I could wait for an eternity if only I knew you were coming,” she said, “But time is precious, and darling you are not worth the spring blossoms. You are not worth the autumn leaves.

 Don’t ever come back to a relationship that was already ended, it just like repeatedly reading a book that you have already know the ending. 

One second i’m telling myself that i don’t need you anymore, that i’m fine on my own, that you were the biggest mistake i’ve ever made and i’m glad you’re gone
but it’s 3am, and i’m missing you terribly, i need you now more than ever, and i am not okay because even though you’re a mistake, if i could go back i’d still make this mistake all over and over and over again even if it will kill me.

 

please don’t go.

 

 How can someone be the best thing that ever happened to but also the worst thing that ever happened to you? 

 Someone will tell you that she’s seeing someone someday and that she’s happy and your hands will stop working. You’ll have to work hard to hold onto whatever you’re holding. I hope it’s not glass, I hope it’s not breakable. Suddenly you’ll remember everything that you ever loved about her. Everything that ever moved you to tears, made your insides feel like they were tying themselves into knots. That she was loyal, that she was open for you, that she smiled against your mouth when you kissed. That it felt easy, like God had put the two of you together deliberately, like it had been the plan all along. But for whatever reason, you let her go and you thought that it was the right thing and for a little while, it felt like you knew exactly what you were doing. Except now all the parts of you that touched her knows that you’re never going to be able to touch her again and that hurts. Even your fingers are sad, even your stomach is aching from the loss of it all. You’re never going to get that again and that’s why your regret looks like artwork that would have been masterpiece if you’d finished it. Your regret looks like plucking a flower before it’s bloomed. So maybe you’ll call her and you’ll tell her that you miss her and she’ll sound gentle on the phone but not in love with you anymore. She’ll say ‘we happened and we were important but you let me go, I’m sorry, but you let me go’ and that’s how you’ll know. 

 I called because I wanted you to know that despite everything that’s happened and all the miles between us right now, I still think about the way it was in the beginning. 

 The saddest part was realizing we could have made it work. If you were truly in love with me, you would have fought for me. But you didn’t, and that just means I loved you more than you loved me. 

 Sometimes I start missing you. But then I realise I miss what I thought we were and who I thought you were. 

 Do you know how it feels to be so unwanted by the one person you would give anything in the world for? 

 The hardest part about walking away from someone is the part where you realize that, no matter how slowly you go, they will never run after you. 

 I wish i could go back to the days when you and I were crazy over each other. Before I took all that time we had together for granted. When my phone rang and I knew right away it was you. When you texted me smiley faces, hearts and made me feel so perfect. When hearing your voice soothed my soul. When we would fight over who loved each other more and got into cute little arguments. When we didn’t care what others thought about us. When we expressed each others feelings and cried into each other. When we would talk for hours and just enjoy each others company. I wish we go back to the days when I belonged to you, you belonged to me, and we were HAPPY BEING TOGETHER.. 

“I will walk by myself 
and cure myself 
in the sunshine and the wind.”

I hope
you never 
regret me.”

— 5:00 p.m. (Please don’t ever think of me as a mistake)

“A pretty face doesn’t mean a pretty heart.”

“I understand. That’s the trouble. I understand. I’ll understand all the time. All day and all night. Especially all night. I’ll understand. You don’t have to worry about that.”

Marks of all those old songs and memories, still burning inside.

Everything I cannot have
And everything I have ever wanted
What a beautiful contradiction you are”

“Dear Mom, thanks for this beautiful life and forgive me if I don’t love it enough.”