Either come closer or stay away, having you in between is very exhausting.

"I fell in love once. In fact, if I close my eyes I can still see the way he would dance. He had no rhythm and it was only for me.  He was so at home like my dorm room was his bones. Taking off his shoes to jump into my bed as soon as I answered the door. Like a flash, he would be inside before the damn thing even creaked. He would lay uncomfortably with me in his arms because it meant I laid comfortably. Sometimes we would share a pillow taking up all the space with both our heads. I would say, “we belong in this bed. ” My hand naturally rested on the nape of his neck. His body consisted of various freckles he called them angel kisses, and I would argue they were beauty marks. I wish those were the only fights I could never forget. I would fall thousands of times in one night battling my most natural human right to sleep. I figured if I closed my eyes for too long he would disappear. It had to have been love. It had to have been because the very thought of him leaving would make tears suffocate my speech. I had a bigger nose, he had a brighter smile, I had a pessimistic opinion, and you wonder why he couldn’t find it in himself to stay for a while."

Shame on me for loving
you more than I loved myself.

Shame on me for loving you
so whole-heartily so blind.

I shut my eyes closed hard
countless times praying our
children would one day have
a love like mine.

I’m telling you now you won’t last
I will compare you to every fucking person
who has hurt me in my past and you will get
tired of it and no one will blame you
cause they have all left too.

I’m telling you now you can go
and I won’t hate you, I won’t love you any less,
just know that underneath this misery,
underneath this depression, and doubt was
a girl worth giving a fuck about. You missed out.

'Cause I knew lonely
looked lonely in the eye
cuddled with it and fed it
the peas I refused to eat
threw under the table for it
scraps and bones
lonely was always home
with my mother commonly
referred to as, “I’m alone."

tell you friends are like stars see some will fade, some will change directions, but some like the sun will last and last. Burning you up in time, memories, affection lighting paving their way in your futures and your pasts.
Never the mothers that tell you that lovers who make birds sings means wedding bells and sparkly symbols for eternity such as diamond rings. Weak with love, weep with love. No matter the gender of the lover, love.

I was young. So if I went out naivety would be my go-to accessory.
I translated “I love you” into “I’m staying”.
Oh, how foolish of me.

"I miss your face. So sit down and drink coffee with me. I will attempt to contain all of my sarcasm and my shock when you order tea. I will remember you as the boy worthy of so much praise who prays and loved me for days. Until I fucked it up ‘cause I wanted you to chase me, always on my trail. Yet I was too lazy to ever go for a run. We should get coffee sometime, catch up (fall in love again). It’ll be fun."

"You learned big words and you used them thinking they would magically fill your lips with tidbits people wanted to hear. For you, it was only ever either to be acknowledged or to disappear."

"You were not raised with love in your lungs to expel it. Gasping for air in tears over someone who didn’t care to stay. You were born better than that. Stronger."

"I hope you find love. 
I have no doubt that someone as lovely
as you will be blessed with a love
so grand and so pure it will make you forget
all the poison I gave you in small doses
with every kiss. ’Cause Baby, you deserve better than this."

"She has beautiful hair,
she has a nice smile, 
and I am certain she could 
make even the most sane 
men crash into the sea. 
I bet that’s why he didn’t 
pick me."

I walked across the campus 
shredding my last tear for the boy 
who almost, not quite, but almost 
loved me an entire year."

"Making someone feel amazing and loved is the most terrifyingly beautiful feeling you could ever be blessed to give. Because just as much as you make them feel alive, you may determine whether or not they live."

I hope you think of me
as you are flicking through old movies
as you are kissing lips thinner
far thinner than my own
as you are hearing words that trigger
past text messages exchanged 
as you are glancing across crowded rooms 
with stories that leak from your dilated pupils 
every time your ears detect something that
merely resembles my name
I just hope you remember me."

Sure, you left me with a
longing sigh and a sad goodbye
but don’t get it twisted 
you only ever taught me how
useless it was to cry."

Still, it made my heart flutter nonetheless
Like an actor who is featured in a Romantic film 
Take after take
You were on queue 
See that is what you did
To someone who was quit fond of books
To someone who adored a book about a train
Your voice, yea that train wreck
Was good to me like a soft violin 
And it was bad to me like too much sun on salted skin
Somehow, still, I would love nothing more than to hear it all over again"

"If you live off a man’s compliments, you’ll die from his criticism"

"I have come to terms with what you 
and you and I do 
and didn’t do or have done 
and should’ve done better
This is where I draw the line
I love you and I fucked up
I messed up and I won’t stop loving you
These have become trying times
The times that try
The epoch of my realization
The peak of my self-discovery
The climax of immense hatred I feel within me because I left you
I left you in a pit
I allowed you to be picked up by someone unworthy of “it”
Of your “it”
Of my you
So this is it
this is what karma will do
She will resurrect herself in my heart
You can call it heartbreak
And I see it fit cause I now rest on stakes and crosses
Dying and bleeding
praying that you will grow 
and love and be loved happily and sinlessly
Even if it means through the death of me"

I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. She was the type to like things that were concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it was. I think that’s why she also struggled with love. She couldn’t touch it. She couldn’t hold on to it and make sure it never changed."

You’re every reason I get high, that’s why you don’t judge me.

Listen, you can hear them calling my name-

the xans in my Advil bottle keep saying fuck thinking about it until your head hurts, take a few bars & forget how your heart works.

The weed keeps promising me peace & the pain killers are trying to kill what’s inside before it kills me.

I should be ashamed but I’m not at all.

I’m still trying to find the pieces you left scattered of me, let alone another soulmate, I’m just saying.

I gave you everything-
I loved you through everything-
I forgave you for everything, this was supposed to be a forever thing,
I hate that you made it a whatever thing.

This shit was everything to me. You’re everything to me.

Are you still down?

Because all these other men are indecisive & it makes me anxious.

Finally I got high enough to call you tonight but your number was disconnected.

I should probably call your sister & get your information.

Because who else am I supposed to give all this love I have for you?

Who can replace you?

You can’t just make me different and then leave. -Looking for Alaska, John Green

Why do people drink alcohol it tastes disgusting

you don’t drink it for the taste. u drink shit like apple juice for the taste. you drink alcohol to get rid of the bad taste that every awful person in your life has left

The only reason you’re calling me is because she’s not there right now.

Why am I the one you come running to when you’re lonely?

You got alot to say but bullshit is the last thing I wanna hear right now.

Time spent with her, got you missing the nights you spent with me… The irony.

But I don’t have it in me to give into you again for things to end how they always do.

Sometimes I wonder if you call me because I’m the only one who will listen to you..

I told you about crawling back to her- she’s not teaching you how to swim, she’s the reason you’re drowning.

The other night I found myself on the balcony, a blunt in my hand & wine in my glass. I kept thinking about how my mom said if it’s real, it’ll come back. And I was thinking about you.

You always come back but you never stay down.

I think it’s because you only love me when she’s not around.

- So those nights when you need someone else.. Delete my number.

You told me I was the one,
Mean while you were writing her name on my body with your tongue.
I’m still not sure which one of us you really loved.
But I’ve got traces of her all over my skin;
You touched me after you held her, I could feel her on your fingertips-
I’m willing to bet she tasted me on your lips.
I’ve watched her dreams die in your eyes-
Because no one wins loving the boy who locks his phone at night.
We both should’ve known you had something to hide. - What a talent it is to break two hearts at one time.

Nothing would have changed the reality that the person you were in love with had stopped loving you somewhere along the line, whether it was in the middle of a conversation or while driving under a bridge or when they made eye contact with someone new and wonderful. It doesn’t matter. Stop wasting your time on them. You don’t need to stop your story just because they are no longer a main character. Do not take back what has already poisoned you. Instead start healing and start healing soon.

I don’t need you.

I write sad poems when I’m coming down but I’m convinced that me needing you is complete bullshit because the peace I’ve found since you left has brought me pure bliss.

Happiness looks good on me, better than loving you ever did.

You took alot from me but I’ve still got diamonds under my tongue, traces of gold in my eyes, rubies deep in my skin & a priceless pearl in between my thighs.

Loving me made you rich.

But my worth doesn’t decrease just because you stopped seeing it.

I never needed you.
You needed me.
Until you didn’t.

- But with or without you, I shine just the same

You asked me to say something, do anything
that could make you stay,
but if you were already thinking that way,
then, there is no way I could keep you by my side.
Me comparing you to fire on the wick of candles,
to the drugs that you do every Friday night,
or to the music we made love to would do nothing
for your heart except make you realize
when we kiss, my lips no longer burn your insides,
when we touch, my hands no longer intoxicate you,
when we love, my heart no longer harmonizes with yours.
I cannot make you stay if you already want to go,
and you know that deep down,
but you want to find a way to blame me.
Though I was not perfect,
you cannot blame anyone for the loss of love
because love goes where it wants
and leaves when it must. - you must know I do not blame you for a second

 When you see him on the streets, your lungs might collapse. You’ll want to fall to the ground and fold into yourself - anything that will take the ache away. Keep walking. Stare straight ahead. You were going somewhere before, now keep going. He’s gotten in your way enough already. Ignore the splintering pain in the backs of your knees that tells you to drop the facade. Walk until it’s not a facade anymore. Tonight you can curl up with a Nicholas Sparks movie and eat ice cream from the container knowing I’m the last person who will judge you for it, but for now, keep walking. You’ll never get past this if you’re curled up on the side of the road.

4) I know that you miss him like your left lung but I promise texting him will not help. You will be speaking to the shell of the person that you loved, and it will only make you miss the actual person more. Put the phone down and go for a walk. Remind yourself that there is plenty of the world left to see and you do not need him with you to see it.

We met in the summer. You were hot for her and I was cold from my past lover. We shared a moment or two before the weather started to change. We were in love, but not with each other.
We met again the next fall. You were sweet to me and I was bitter over the path my life had taken. We shared a night, spent speaking of everything there was to speak of. I learned that your mother was your best friend, and you read to me your favorite poems in a language more beautiful than I. I showed you what was in my heart, and you showed me the bed. We were in love with the thought of being in love.
I asked if you wanted to leave, the last thing I heard before I fell asleep was “Goodnight princess I love you.” I woke up that morning to the sound of your snoring. You were there. I fell asleep happy and woke up happier. We were in love because we were there.
We met again the next night, and every night after that. I gave you pieces of my heart, and you traded them for pieces of yours. I gave you pleasure with my body, and you gave me comfort with yours. We fell so fast we didn’t know where we were going, but we didn’t care. We were in love, but we wouldn’t say it.
You were in the car with your grandpa the night I told you I was in love with you. I anxiously waited for your response for too long before you told me you’d been waiting to tell me that for a long time. So had I. We were in love, and we knew it.
We were together. We were happy. Everything was okay.
We met again in the winter. Several frosts had left us cold. You spent nights drinking alone and I spent them trying to keep warm. You were never there. I cared too much, but you didn’t care at all. You stopped calling, I stopped waiting. We were in love, but we weren’t.
We met again in the spring. I looked at you, and you looked at her. We were never in love.
We met in the summer, and our love burned like the sun. You left in the winter, and our love froze like the earth. - were we in love? 

You spend all your time finding ways to make him stay and when you finally think you’ve got it he’s falling asleep with someone else. - I really thought I had you 

One day, you’ll miss me.. and you’ll search for me but won’t find me. 

And i wonder if you had forgotten..

I wanted to scream from rooftops
about how much I loved you.
I wanted my throat to be raw from
the adoration that filled my heart -
that’s what you did to me.
I don’t know; it just blows my mind that you can let your voice
bleed words for someone,
whisper their names in your sleep,
just fucking love them to pieces -
and they can feel nothing.
but I mean,
plants need the sun to survive
but the sun doesn’t even know they exist. - I thought I loved you enough that you could love me but I’ve learned things just don’t work that way, e.

I wish you could feel the love I have for you,
pumping through my body like blood.
I think you’d finally understand what I mean
when I tell you that I need you.

I crave you the most at night when I need my fix,
when I need your lips- you’re my favorite drug.

But coming down is never fun especially when you’re not around-

But your friends are.
And they tell me that I’m pretty but it’s not the same.
When they speak to me,
they fail to make my name sound sweet,
And they don’t make my bones weak;
They’re not you.

It’s ironic how I want your attention, the way your friends want mine.

I keep telling myself that maybe I go so unnoticed by you because love is blind.

I hope I’m around when you decide to open your eyes.

(I don’t know how to forget it.
I think I can’t forget it because it feels unfinished,
like there’s still so much to say between us.
So I grab my car keys off the counter & drive to your house.
I knock on your door & it’s not you who opens it.
She’s beautiful really,
standing there in your over sized sweatshirt,
she asks me who it is I’m looking for,
And I tell her that I must have gotten the wrong address.)

But really I’m screaming inside,
because I couldn’t drive to the wrong house if I tried,
your beating heart has always been my home.
And I know every road there,
like you know every curve on my body.
But you’ve been busy learning new curves.
I tell her to have a good night,
pretending like that sweatshirt didn’t belong to me first,
pretending like I didn’t teach you that thing you do with your tongue,
that I’m sure you’ve showed her.
I almost drove my car off a bridge that night,
but then I remembered that losing you is what drowning feels like.

- (And I don’t need to feel it anymore.) // 

I never needed you.
You needed me.
Until you didn’t.

You are the main
character in your story,
remember this.

You are the architect
of your own happiness,
everyone else is simply a visitor.

’m willing to bet the other half of my heart,
That these days, you wouldn’t recognize me.
My hair matches the color of your eyes;
A honey blonde sunrise.
Although you said I was beautiful,
with my midnight curls…
I’ve been trying my hardest to let go of that girl.
She’s still so lost in you.
Trying to make it all make sense in her head.
She writes poems at 4 a.m around why you left.
Your name is the on the tip of her tongue,
Your words are on her breath.
She stays up at night and repeats everything you’ve ever said.
She’s afraid she’ll forget.
Your fingerprints are all over me.
I’m waiting for this skin to shed.
I’m waiting for the day that I become someone your hands haven’t met.
If I could go back, I wouldn’t.
But the girl that loved you even after you left,
she would surrender to you again;
And to admit that hurts more than you’ll ever know.
So, if you ever see me out & realize who I am,
for the sake of who I’m becoming, please let me go. 

Women should make you nervous, son; they are so beautiful, yet half of them don’t realize it. They could kill you with a smile and have no idea.

I feel desperate when it comes to you. Desperate and a little bit insane. All I can think about around you is what you taste like.

It is okay to want your own happiness. It’s okay to care about yourself the most. You are not obligated to sit there and smile and swallow every bit of shit everyone heaps on you. You are more than furniture, you’re more than window dressing, you’re not their shiny toy. You’re human, and you have the right to say ‘That was shitty of you.’ You have a right to protest your own mistreatment and set boundaries for respectful interactions. The rest of the world doesn’t realize you have this right, and they will act offended and appalled when you exercise it, but it is yours.

Your heart will become a dusty piano in the basement of a church and she will play you when no one is looking. Now you understand why it’s called an organ.

You have no idea how much I want you to feel your legs intertwined with mine as we lay asleep, knowing you’re right there and not going anywhere.

Date someone you can have rough sex and deep conversations with whether it be at 2am or 2pm.

MY GOAL IS TO CREATE A LIFE THAT I DON’T NEED A VACATION FROM

A woman has to be intelligent, have charm, a sense of humor, and be kind. It’s the same qualities I require from a man.

She is something new, something hopeful. Like spring to my deep winter.

I’m so detached and distant and cold at times, but I swear if you spark my interest, I can become so clingy and you’ll become so important to me and I will put so much of my time and effort towards you.

“

I started making plans, thinking we would get that far.

I crave affection and run from it.

"what’s a queen without her king?" well, historically, better

Never confuse a single failure for a final defeat. - F. Scott 



don't let a man say twice that he doesnt want you

“

And then she told herself, “Stop being so weak. Grow up and get over it.” and then she never felt anything again.

“

I dont know how to keep you.

I dont know how to let you go.

“

I’ve been dancing with the devil. 

I love that he pretends to care.

“

for everything my heart has ever loved, you’re the best so far.

Don’t wait for extraordinary opportunities.Seize common occasions and make them incredible.

i guess our timing was just bad

I refuse to chase anyone, anymore