Trudno zakończyć coś, co nigdy nie miało początku. // "I loved you on this day. I love this memory." // I’ve realized that one of the worst things in life is being madly in love with someone who no longer exists.

I kiedyś przyjdzie taki czas że zatęsknimy za sobą oboje, ale nie będziemy mieli już odwagi nawet ze sobą porozmawiać.









"There are too many books I haven’t read, too many places I haven’t seen, too many memories I haven’t kept long enough."

"I want to stop running away from everything.
I want to find something to run toward."

— Hannah Harrington, Saving June

"If anybody could have saved me it would have been you."

"I’ve always assumed that love is a dangerous disadvantage. Thank you for the final proof."

I will always be yours even when you don't want me





"Heaven would never be heaven without you."

"You messaged me out of the blue.
I wasn’t looking for anyone,
In fact I was too busy running from someone else,
But I slowed down enough to reply
“Hey.”
You slowly became my good morning text,
My drunken phone call,
My tearful FaceTime when work had wrung me out like a dirty tea towel,
And you were there,
Always."

“Remind me why
the happiest things
still make me cry.”

1.
i liked you because when you spoke you said
things like “blue busses remind me of Easter”
and “God lives inside the walls of art museums”

2.
two days before graduation you picked me up at 4 AM
and we drove down to Michigan, I told you about my
sister and you told me about winters in Connecticut
3.
when i left for college, i wrote you three poems and
handed them to you in white envelopes, you gave me
sea shells you found when you were thirteen and alone
4.
he tastes bitter and i still think about your laughter
i wonder if you look for the moon on broken nights
because my skin burns when strange boys touch me
5.
when i received the invitation to your wedding,
i took a shower and boiled myself into patches
of pain, then i called and said congratulations
6.
she looked beautiful at the wedding and i got
drunk off of red wine and told your mother how
you used to cry when people called you brave
7.
we talked once, you told me you haven’t read
my poems yet and asked if i still had your sea
shells, i told you i was supposed to be in white
8.
i moved to Australia and three years later i
received an apology letter from you which
i burned and then wouldn’t sleep for weeks
9.
i still think about you on nights when my
husband is sleeping and my black lungs
want cigarettes i promised to stop smoking
10.
i saw you in my dreams last night, you
were kissing my neck and stroking my
thighs and i woke up crying in sweat
11.
i went to your funeral last Thursday night,
you were always talking about Autumn so
i didn’t think you should have died in winter
12.
i cut my hair short before visiting your grave
because i didn’t want anyone to recognize me,
i left your sea shells and cried on the way home

“I was on fire
and you used me
to light your cigarette”

me: *dials 911*

operator: hello 911, what’s your emergency?

me: i need someone to cuddle with, rub my back, and play with my hair

operator: someone is on their way, please stay calm

i am happy to have met you
我很高兴认识你
i am happy to have known you
但最后, 没有你我更快乐。
but in the end, i am happier without you.
”

— 再见 (goodbye)

for you, I’d steal the stars, but it still wouldn't be enough." 

Stop.
You don’t love him.
You love the idea of him,
the concept of someone
who will fill the void of your bed
and kiss your scars back into your skin.
You crave salvation,
I can’t blame you for that.
But you won’t find it in his stale words,
rehearsed and abused on his
stagnant tongue.
No, no.
Your saving grace is somewhere
inside that scar tissue you’re
so desperate to peel from your body.

not sure if i’m ready to fall in love or if i’m ready to fall off a cliff

“Soon I’ll grow up, and I won’t even flinch at your name.”

"Friendzoned again!" I shout, pumping my fist in the air. I made a new friend today. Today is a good day.

“Just because you know I love you doesn’t mean you can treat me like I’m nothing. And it also doesn’t mean that I’ll let you.”

“Some people enter your life in a whirlwind and no matter how hard you try you can’t stop thinking about them, even after they leave…especially after they leave.”

“My mouth is a fire escape.
The words coming out
don’t care that they are naked.
There is something burning in there”

“This time, I will not cry
when you tell me I cannot kiss
the sadness from you.
We both know
we’re not looking for love anymore –
it’s time to stop pretending
we were ever something pure.”

he was pointing at the moon, but i was looking at his hand 

Stop asking me to trust
you while I’m still coughing
up water from the last time
you let me drown.

“I’d rather spill
my coffee
than write about
you again.


It will burn less.”

“You can’t always be pushing people away. Someday nobody’ll come back.”

“Nothing hurts more than being hurt by the single person you thought would never hurt you.”

 

“and I know I speak like my heart was broken last night
even though it happened last January,
when I thought I was numb from the cold
but I was numb from you
and sometimes everything you left behind cuts into
my tongue and I find myself choking up your name
even though it’s been 3 months since you’ve called
and I’m not sure how your voice still plays in my head
when I can’t even remember how it sounds
and there are scars and bruises all over me that I
could’ve sworn had faded but everyone looks at me
like I’m about to collapse
and sometimes I kiss boys who grab me like they
want to break me and I let them because there’s
nothing left to break
and sometimes they taste like you
and I used to smile like I wasn’t empty
but you’re stuck in my head
and in my heart
and underneath my fingernails
and I’m so sorry but you can’t stay here”

— I’m a collection of unsaid goodbyes and thrown up 3 AM “I miss you’s” 

I think that if I could fall asleep next to you every night, I’d never really be sad again.

'I love you the first time
I love you the last time.'














My view on sex is this: If you want, have it. Great. More room in heaven for me





"You watched over her, and you made her comfortable, and you let her go when she needed you to. You did what had to be done, even though it hurt you."

"My only hope is
that one day I can
love myself as much
as I love you."

"If I told you that a flower bloomed in a dark room, would you trust it?"

I’ve realized that one of the worst things in life is being madly in love with someone who no longer exists.

i’m the type of person who will miss you to death but won’t do anything about it because i don’t want to seem like the desperate one

I WONDER IF YOU KNOW YET THAT YOU’LL LEAVE ME. THAT YOU ARE A CHILD PLAYING WITH MATCHES AND I HAVE A PAPER BODY. YOU WILL MEET A GIRL WITH A SOFTER VOICE AND STRONGER ARMS AND SHE WILL NOT HAVE VIOLENT SECRETS OR AN AFFECTION FOR RED WINE OR EYES THAT NEVER STAY DRY. YOU WILL FALL INTO HER BED AND I’LL GO BACK TO SPENDING FRIDAY NIGHTS WITH BOYS WHO NEVER LEARN MY LAST NAME. I HAVE CHASED OFF EVERY FOOL WHO HAS TRIED TO SLEEP BESIDE ME. YOU THINK IT’S ROMANTIC TO FUCK THE GIRL WHO WRITES POEMS ABOUT YOU. YOU THINK I’LL UNDERSTAND YOUR SADNESS BECAUSE I LIVE INSIDE MY OWN. BUT I WILL SHOW UP AT YOUR DOOR AT 2 AM, WILD-EYED AND SLEEPLESS. AND TRY AND FIND SOME SEMBLANCE OF PEACE IN YOUR BREASTBONE. AND YOU WILL NOT LET ME IN. YOU WILL TELL ME TO GO HOME.

My pain was never beautiful or poetic. It was answering the phone mid breakdown and laughing like I was fine.

Look like the innocent flower,
But be the serpent under it.

'You spend your life surrounded by idiots who don’t know how the hell to treat you right then you meet someone who’s actually worth a damn but you’re not used to it and you don’t know what the hell to do or how to feel but you know what you shouldn’t do? Don’t let them go. Ever.
This person will make you believe again.'

'Sometimes it is the smallest thing that saves us: the weather growing cold, a child’s smile, and a cup of excellent coffee

romance: eating fruit salad together

The sun fell lower and lower that year
until I was on my hands and knees and
your fingers were knives, cutting
nothing and that smell of charred flesh
carried on the back of the wind and
everything I said to you tasted like
rust, like tarnished earrings and you
unbuttoned my shirt the moment
you walked through my door and this
world could not contain me, you could not
contain me and I watched you leave, bursting,
the walls still echoing your words,
your name and I remember: “You liked it,
didn’t you?” My throat constricting,
wrapping around itself. Somewhere,
a bird singing and

for no one to hear.

Wtedy właśnie, stojąc jednocześnie blisko i daleko od nich, zdałam sobie sprawę, że tak będzie już zawsze. Będę blisko ludzi, ale daleko od nich.



Chcę powiedzieć, że jeśli jesteś zdolna bardzo kogoś kochać, będziesz też bardzo cierpieć. Isabel Allende “Dziennik Mai”

Człowiek nigdy nie wie, kiedy jest szczęśliwy; wie tylko, kiedy był szczęśliwy.Gore Vidal “Stworzenie świata”

Nic nie zmieni tego, że osoba którą kochałeś, przestała w którymś momencie to uczucie odwzajemniać. Nie ważne, czy stało się to w środku rozmowy, czy wtedy, gdy przejeżdżaliście pod mostem, czy kiedy nawiązała kontakt wzrokowy z kimś nowym i wspaniałym. To nie ma znaczenia. Przestań tracić na nią swój czas. Nie musisz zatrzymywać swojej historii tylko dlatego, że ta osoba nie gra w niej już głównej roli. Nie trzymaj się tego, co cię niszczy. Zacznij się leczyć, najszybciej jak to możliwe. Raquel “How to stop loving someone who does not love you”

Przyjaciel to człowiek, do którego dzwonię po wielu miesiącach milczenia, a nie pyta: dlaczego się nie odzywałaś, tylko mówi: cieszę się, że właśnie dziś słyszę Twój głos. Roma Ligocka “Czułość i obojętność”

Nikogo nie obchodzi twój smutek, więc równie dobrze możesz być szczęśliwy.Cynthia Nelms

Być może jestem głupi, ale zostało mi jeszcze kilka komórek mózgowych, które starają się, jak mogą. 

Zawsze znajdzie się ktoś kto zepsuje Ci dzień, a czasem całe życie. Bukowski

To co czasami biorę za uniesienie jest po prostu brakiem bólu. Sarah Kane – Crave

…ból ustąpi i kiedyś ta Twoja pierwsza miłość śmieszna Ci się wyda i jedyne, co Ci po niej pozostanie, to ten przeceniany przymiotnik “pierwsza”. Bo ważniejsze są miłości następne, a najważniejsza jest i tak zawsze ta ostatnia. 

Pamiętaj, że w tej samej chwili, kiedy mówisz: “Poddaję się”, ktoś inny oceniając tę samą sytuację, mówi: “O rany, ale okazja”. H. Jackson Brown, Jr