the truth is
there’s plenty of fish in the sea
but for some reason
I keep catching you.”
in my sleep
you were there
right next to me
holding my hand
and kissing my neck
i tried to look at you
but then i remembered
that dreaming is all about
keeping eyes closed.
“I’m trying to fill myself with something that isn’t your absence, but it’s no use. Cigarettes taste like your lips.”
nyone asks who my first kiss was, I always say your name.
2. Do you ever go to that park and sit down on our bench anymore? Because I do.
3. I can’t sleep in my own fucking bed, I can feel you in every inch of it.
4. I miss the way my hands used to smell like yours.
5. I saw you from the bus window today. The way you walk is still funny but you’re still perfect.
6. I don’t miss fucking you. I fucking miss you.
7. The Piglet plushie I got from you for Christmas asked me to tell you that he misses you so much.
8. It wasn’t the plushie. It was me. I miss you so much.
9. Is that creepy that I couldn’t throw away the empty cigarette box you left on my desk?
10. I’m drinking red wine and it tastes the same like it did when you were here and I’m getting a bit drunk and I miss you like hell and I love you so much.
11. I feel like I’m drowning, I can’t breathe, I want to call you but I don’t even know your phone number, oh god, I haven’t heard your voice in five months.
”“Don’t tell me I only miss the memories, not the person. How could I miss the memories? They are here, with me, in my heart or mind, I don’t even know where I carry them. I miss the person I love more than anyone in this world. Even though it’s been months since we stopped creating memories together, I still say I miss him, not the memories.”
You never know how sick you are until you try to recover.
'But that’s the problem isn’t it? Even when they leave, they’re never really gone. You can always find them within the melody of a song or in the creases of your hand that they use to trace. You can feel them inside that little pocket on your heart that you have specially reserved, no matter how many times they show you that they don’t want to be in it. You can never change their minds. Even when you pour every bit of desperation, love and need you have into a pleading ‘stay’, all they hear is a word.'
— Why don’t we let people leave when they want to?
'1. You said you missed me, then you left again. Why do you seem better off without me?
2. Would it really be so bad for her to think you like me?
3. Don’t you get confused with all the different signals you’re sending?
4. It’s been too long, but I think I’m over you.
5. I had a really good day, but somehow I’ve ended up crying over you tonight. I thought I was done missing you.
6. It was my birthday. I thought you might call. I wasn’t surprised when you didn’t. My friends think I’m crazy for hating my birthday just because you’re not around for it, but they don’t know you. Then again, neither do I.
7. Come home, I’m about to do something stupid. I don’t want to be sad anymore.
8. You should have treated me better. I’m the only one that actually cared about you. Your loss.
9. Do you remember that day we laughed until we couldn’t breathe? Even though it burns my heart and my head to think about it now, its still one of my favorite memories. But that’s all it is now.
10. It’s very late and I’m still blaming myself for your mistakes. This is all your fault. Or maybe it’s mine.'
2. Would it really be so bad for her to think you like me?
3. Don’t you get confused with all the different signals you’re sending?
4. It’s been too long, but I think I’m over you.
5. I had a really good day, but somehow I’ve ended up crying over you tonight. I thought I was done missing you.
6. It was my birthday. I thought you might call. I wasn’t surprised when you didn’t. My friends think I’m crazy for hating my birthday just because you’re not around for it, but they don’t know you. Then again, neither do I.
7. Come home, I’m about to do something stupid. I don’t want to be sad anymore.
8. You should have treated me better. I’m the only one that actually cared about you. Your loss.
9. Do you remember that day we laughed until we couldn’t breathe? Even though it burns my heart and my head to think about it now, its still one of my favorite memories. But that’s all it is now.
10. It’s very late and I’m still blaming myself for your mistakes. This is all your fault. Or maybe it’s mine.'
“The thing about on/off relationships is… They’re great until they’re not, they’re the things of dreams, until, suddenly, you’re living a nightmare. They’re the perfect song, on a broken record. They’re a great book, possibly the greatest, but with key chapters missing. They’re breakfast in bed on a powder blue morning, and then days in bed, without eating. They’re breakups that you don’t know how to mourn, because you can’t fathom that this one, this is the last.
They’re drunk break-up sex and drunk make-up texts at 3am. They’re feeling cheated and feeling guilty. They’re feeling loved, they’re feeling special.
They’re intoxicating. Because you keep making the same mistakes, over and over again, because you keep falling into the same pattern. They’re familiar and safe, and like a home you come back to - no matter where, or how broken - it’s a home no less; they know you and you know them.
But see, the thing is, after a while, you no longer hear the music on the broken record - you just hear silence; and you no longer care about the characters, you just want the book to end. Every off, every break chips away.
At some point you realize that love should be more than drunk-3am-s that make you afraid that life will never be that perfect again. At some point you no longer want love to be a roller coaster.
Or so I’ve heard. I hope it’s true. But right now, if you called and asked me to - I’d go back, I’d do it all over again.”
“You are a souvenir shop, where he goes
to remember how much people miss him
when he is gone.”
Don’t you dare
Shrink yourself
For someone else’s comfort -
Do not become small
For people who refuse to grow.
Shrink yourself
For someone else’s comfort -
Do not become small
For people who refuse to grow.
“I lost you, and the world loves to remind me.”
"For me it was a kind of death, and I was forced to keep living
"I hope someday
You’ll find an old photo of me
And you’ll wonder
If I still hate strawberry milkshakes.
Or if I still make silly wishes
At 11:11pm.
Or maybe you’ll wonder
If I still wonder about you
And the answer will be yes,
Everyday ."
You’ll find an old photo of me
And you’ll wonder
If I still hate strawberry milkshakes.
Or if I still make silly wishes
At 11:11pm.
Or maybe you’ll wonder
If I still wonder about you
And the answer will be yes,
Everyday ."
"you shouldn’t have to
break yourself
and move your pieces.
if he was designed for you
he would fit."
break yourself
and move your pieces.
if he was designed for you
he would fit."
there are people watching films,
making love for the first time, opening mail with the
heading of ‘i miss you’, cooking noodles with
organic spices and red sauces, buying lemon detergent,
ignoring ‘do not smoke’ signs, painting murals
of his lips in abandoned warehouses, chewing
the words ‘i love you’ over and over again, swallowing
phone numbers and forgotten birthdays, eating
strawberry pies, drinking white wine off of each
others open mouths, ignoring the telephone,
reading this poem
somewhere
You should know that when a husband and wife fight, it may seem to be about money or sex or power.
making love for the first time, opening mail with the
heading of ‘i miss you’, cooking noodles with
organic spices and red sauces, buying lemon detergent,
ignoring ‘do not smoke’ signs, painting murals
of his lips in abandoned warehouses, chewing
the words ‘i love you’ over and over again, swallowing
phone numbers and forgotten birthdays, eating
strawberry pies, drinking white wine off of each
others open mouths, ignoring the telephone,
reading this poem
somewhere
You should know that when a husband and wife fight, it may seem to be about money or sex or power.
But what they’re really yelling at each other about is loneliness.
"
I want to
Forget the nights.
But then,
What would I
Spend my days
I think we must be
In love with lust,
Because darling,
What we have,
Is too broken
"Do not play with people’s feelings. Do not lead people on. One day you’ll want to be with someone for real and they won’t believe you."
March 4, 2013
I was unpacking when I heard you walk in. I had on light pink lipstick that I found at the bottom of a box. You put a few things on the counter and handed me my car keys. I kissed you and asked if you could help me move the bed. You said you needed to talk. I keep replaying this over and over in my mind. I don’t think I’ll be able to unpack the rest of our boxes.
I was unpacking when I heard you walk in. I had on light pink lipstick that I found at the bottom of a box. You put a few things on the counter and handed me my car keys. I kissed you and asked if you could help me move the bed. You said you needed to talk. I keep replaying this over and over in my mind. I don’t think I’ll be able to unpack the rest of our boxes.
April 4, 2013
It’s been a month since you left.
Mark says you’re not coming back.
I can’t sleep.
Are you awake?
It’s been a month since you left.
Mark says you’re not coming back.
I can’t sleep.
Are you awake?
May 4, 2013
I finally went to the doctor like you had begged me to.
You were right and yeah, I’ll be fine.
I finally went to the doctor like you had begged me to.
You were right and yeah, I’ll be fine.
June 4, 2013
I sold my engagement ring at a pawn shop today. I bought expensive lipstick and flowers. I also bought a lot of beer and a carton of cigarettes. I’ve lost a lot weight since you last saw me. My friends from high school that I haven’t seen in years hardly recognize me. It’s weird being back in this town without you. I spend most of my afternoons at the beach. I saw a sea turtle today while I was swimming. I miss eating breakfast food at midnight with you.
I sold my engagement ring at a pawn shop today. I bought expensive lipstick and flowers. I also bought a lot of beer and a carton of cigarettes. I’ve lost a lot weight since you last saw me. My friends from high school that I haven’t seen in years hardly recognize me. It’s weird being back in this town without you. I spend most of my afternoons at the beach. I saw a sea turtle today while I was swimming. I miss eating breakfast food at midnight with you.
July 4, 2013
I stumbled across the video of you in the car singing Taylor Swift. I deleted it before it played all the way through but I have to admit it made me laugh. I can’t remember how your voice sounds saying my name. I broke down and called you. Thank you for not answering.
I stumbled across the video of you in the car singing Taylor Swift. I deleted it before it played all the way through but I have to admit it made me laugh. I can’t remember how your voice sounds saying my name. I broke down and called you. Thank you for not answering.
August 4, 2013
I dropped my cigarette in my lap when you drove past me today.
I dropped my cigarette in my lap when you drove past me today.
September 4, 2013
I went on a date.
He thinks Bud Light is “quality beer”.
It just isn’t going to work out.
I went on a date.
He thinks Bud Light is “quality beer”.
It just isn’t going to work out.
October 4, 2013
It doesn’t hurt anymore to say your name.
It doesn’t hurt anymore to say your name.
November 4, 2013
Hope you’re doing well.
Hope you’re doing well.
December 12, 2013
Thank you for setting me free.
Thank you for setting me free.
"I do not desire mediocre love. I want to drown in someone."
I guess
I just woke up one day
and realized
your name no longer
made my chest tremble,
I fell asleep one evening
and my dreams
were free from your lips.
I just woke up one day
and realized
your name no longer
made my chest tremble,
I fell asleep one evening
and my dreams
were free from your lips.
It seemed impossible,
for so long,
and then suddenly -
not loving you
was the easiest thing.
for so long,
and then suddenly -
not loving you
was the easiest thing.
I have perfected the art
of missing you
at 2am.
of missing you
at 2am.
Until you I thought
I didn’t want to be
anybody’s anything,
then I realized -
I wanted to be your
everything.
I didn’t want to be
anybody’s anything,
then I realized -
I wanted to be your
everything.
I have other people, I do, people I can call, and ask for advice, people who make me laugh and who I can text in the middle of the night. I have friends, and I have family and I have people I love and who love me. But when it’s 3am and I can’t sleep, because I’m thinking about our last kiss I don’t want any of them. I have other people. But I want you. God help me, but I want you. And I may even need you.
m.v., They don’t know my lips taste like mint.
When you miss them,
When you hear that song,
In that cafe,
When you smell their perfume
On someone else,
When you see their smile
On an unfamiliar face,
What you feel isn’t sadness -
It’s nostalgia,
A moment when you wish,
You could travel back
To a perfect memory.
When you hear that song,
In that cafe,
When you smell their perfume
On someone else,
When you see their smile
On an unfamiliar face,
What you feel isn’t sadness -
It’s nostalgia,
A moment when you wish,
You could travel back
To a perfect memory.
It isn’t sadness -
It’s your mind playing tricks,
It’s your heart trying to heal.
It’s your mind playing tricks,
It’s your heart trying to heal.
There are some people, sometimes one, a few if we’re lucky who keep coming back into our lives. After periods of absence, periods of drought, they seamlessly make their way back into the fabric of our everyday. Don’t fight it. Don’t waste your time trying to push them out. Instead, try and figure out where they fit in, because maybe, the reason they keep leaving is that they don’t know how to stay, they don’t know which role in your life to play. Try and re-cast them.
I’ll never love anyone the way I loved you-
Dear God I hope that’s true,
I hope,
To never again
Feel a love so desperate,
So hungry for
Love, itself.
Dear God I hope that’s true,
I hope,
To never again
Feel a love so desperate,
So hungry for
Love, itself.
I miss the way
I needed you
More than I needed air.
I needed you
More than I needed air.
m.v., There was a time when you were enough.
Skin cells regenerate
Every three weeks,
So how does my skin
Remember your lips?
Every three weeks,
So how does my skin
Remember your lips?
I was never as afraid
as I was with you,
as I was with you,
I was afraid
of not being enough,
of being too much,
of being both too small
and too large;
of not being enough,
of being too much,
of being both too small
and too large;
With you,
I was afraid all the time -
afraid you’d change your mind,
afraid that one day
you’d no longer see
your universe in my eyes;
I was afraid all the time -
afraid you’d change your mind,
afraid that one day
you’d no longer see
your universe in my eyes;
I was afraid
of feeling your kisses
too deeply,
of letting them linger
on my skin;
I was afraid of missing,
of feeling your kisses
too deeply,
of letting them linger
on my skin;
I was afraid of missing,
Missing you
as I try to fall asleep,
and missing you
as I drink my morning coffee,
of missing you
even in my dreams.
as I try to fall asleep,
and missing you
as I drink my morning coffee,
of missing you
even in my dreams.
I was never as afraid
as I was with you.
as I was with you.
Now I know,
it was for a good reason.
it was for a good reason.
Don’t pray for forever-
pray for a clean cut,
for an ending
with a kiss goodbye,
for a clear morning
after a stormy night,
for tears that will
run dry.
pray for a clean cut,
for an ending
with a kiss goodbye,
for a clear morning
after a stormy night,
for tears that will
run dry.
Pray to not have to live
in forever of uncertainty.
in forever of uncertainty.
One day,
I will come into a crowded room
And I will not look for your face,
My heart will not sink
When the person I thought was you
Turns out to be a stranger.
I will come into a crowded room
And I will not look for your face,
My heart will not sink
When the person I thought was you
Turns out to be a stranger.
Sometimes,
Love is
The loneliest feeling.
Love is
The loneliest feeling.
I have to believe
That this time
We won’t make
The same mistakes,
We won’t fight
The same battles,
We won’t die
The same death.
That this time
We won’t make
The same mistakes,
We won’t fight
The same battles,
We won’t die
The same death.
But here’s the thing-
I know we’ll sin,
We’ll make the wrong choices,
We’ll fight
And we will die.
I know we’ll sin,
We’ll make the wrong choices,
We’ll fight
And we will die.
We are wiser,
But we’re still
Us,
Burning is how we
Love.
But we’re still
Us,
Burning is how we
Love.
Some games you just can’t win.
So either surrender,
or change the game.
So either surrender,
or change the game.
Never,
Quiet yourself down
For someone,
Instead,
Find a person
Just as loud.
Quiet yourself down
For someone,
Instead,
Find a person
Just as loud.
I keep coming back to you,
but it’s not for love,
it’s for pain-
I want you to hurt me,
over and over again,
until leaving feels like survival
and not a quiet death.
but it’s not for love,
it’s for pain-
I want you to hurt me,
over and over again,
until leaving feels like survival
and not a quiet death.
I wish I wanted
you to be happy,
but really, I want
you to be with me.
you to be happy,
but really, I want
you to be with me.
m.v., love is selfish.
Don’t you dare
blame me
for trusting the words
you wanted me to believe.
blame me
for trusting the words
you wanted me to believe.
m.v., I didn’t get hurt, you hurt me.
Stop wishing you had
thicker skin
just so
you could take more hits.
thicker skin
just so
you could take more hits.
m.v., There’s a reason we have bruises.
I don’t disappear in drugs
I get lost in your eyes,
I don’t drown in alcohol
I am burned by your love,
I don’t crave nicotine
I yearn for your skin.
I get lost in your eyes,
I don’t drown in alcohol
I am burned by your love,
I don’t crave nicotine
I yearn for your skin.
I wish
My mother had warned me
About being addicted to people.
My mother had warned me
About being addicted to people.
1. Why wasn’t it me?
2. Give me a song that will make it better.
3. I miss talking to you. You’d probably be a dick now and give me crap for being drunk. It’s weird that I miss that. It’s weird. Right?
4. I reread the story. Not for you I was just curious. I think that maybe his father was gay. I want to write to him and ask if that’s why the banana. Maybe tomorrow. Then I could tell you. OK. Maybe I reread it for you.
5. I slept with someone else.
6. You were right. I should stop drinking.
7. She’s cute. Your type. I hope you’re happy. And no, I’m not drunk.
8. I wish I had the guts to call you.
9. I’m sorry. I don’t really know what for, it’s all a blur now, and I’m still angry, but if it brings you back, I’m sorry for everything. Even the crap you did.
10. I wonder if your eyes would still have the same effect on me now. I think they might, but I don’t know how. I feel like a completely different person.
11. I wish I had your number.
12. I got your number back. But I have nothing left to say.
2. Give me a song that will make it better.
3. I miss talking to you. You’d probably be a dick now and give me crap for being drunk. It’s weird that I miss that. It’s weird. Right?
4. I reread the story. Not for you I was just curious. I think that maybe his father was gay. I want to write to him and ask if that’s why the banana. Maybe tomorrow. Then I could tell you. OK. Maybe I reread it for you.
5. I slept with someone else.
6. You were right. I should stop drinking.
7. She’s cute. Your type. I hope you’re happy. And no, I’m not drunk.
8. I wish I had the guts to call you.
9. I’m sorry. I don’t really know what for, it’s all a blur now, and I’m still angry, but if it brings you back, I’m sorry for everything. Even the crap you did.
10. I wonder if your eyes would still have the same effect on me now. I think they might, but I don’t know how. I feel like a completely different person.
11. I wish I had your number.
12. I got your number back. But I have nothing left to say.
m.v., 12 drunken texts I wasn’t drunk enough to send.
The truth did not set me free. It made me want to crawl out of my skin, because I realized -truth is not a thing, it’s relative, words have different meanings to those who speak and those who hear.
The truth did not set me free. It just made me lonely.
The truth set me free, because I now know it’s not a magical fix.
The truth did not set me free. It just made me lonely.
The truth set me free, because I now know it’s not a magical fix.
The truth did not set me free. It made me feel crazy, because you saw the truth differently, and suddenly what I knew was nothing more than a dream.
I love you,
But I love me more,
Or at least I know I should,
And I owe it to myself
To try to.
But I love me more,
Or at least I know I should,
And I owe it to myself
To try to.
Everyone thinks I’ve lost my mind,
for going back to us.
They don’t understand that
the only way life hurts less,
the only way we hurt less,
is if we’re together.
for going back to us.
They don’t understand that
the only way life hurts less,
the only way we hurt less,
is if we’re together.
You said-
For a girl like me,
Nothing will ever be enough,
No person, no place, no love.
And the thing is-
You were right.
I am restless,
I am hungry for life,
I am searching,
For things I know I cannot have,
Cannot keep,
Because my fingertips
Are in habit
Of letting moments slip,
Fall into memory,
So that on days like this-
I have something to sustain me.
Because people leave,
Places change
And love fades.
For a girl like me,
Nothing will ever be enough,
No person, no place, no love.
And the thing is-
You were right.
I am restless,
I am hungry for life,
I am searching,
For things I know I cannot have,
Cannot keep,
Because my fingertips
Are in habit
Of letting moments slip,
Fall into memory,
So that on days like this-
I have something to sustain me.
Because people leave,
Places change
And love fades.
I got my old number back. You don’t know. I haven’t told you. And yet, somehow, against all odds I catch myself hoping you’ll call. And it’s silly and pathetic and I know, I know that. But I catch myself hoping anyway. I think that maybe, you’re looking at your phone right now, just like me, and 3am scares you just as much, because staying up until dawn is no longer the exception, and maybe, just maybe you’re as lonely, as lost as me. Perhaps you, too, realized that we made a mistake, perhaps you, too, regret giving me space. But you never make the call, and neither do I - because it’s 3am, and maybe you’re asleep, and not at all lonely, and maybe, and this is the scariest one, the one that keeps me up until dawn - maybe you don’t think we made a mistake, maybe letting me in is the only regret you have.
The problem was-
you saw me as something to be won,
and I saw you as something to be lost.
you saw me as something to be won,
and I saw you as something to be lost.
m.v., We were both wrong
I’m fine,
And sometimes-
when the sun is just right
and light fractures as it hits the glass
waltzing through the air
until it kisses my face;
and when my coffee is just the way I like it-
1/3 coffee, 2/3 milk
and as I’m discovering perfection in worn out pages,
-I almost feel happy.
I feel like if happiness was a thing-
I could touch it, but my fingertips would not feel it.
It would be light
that does not dance across my face,
and it would be coffee
that’s just a little bit too bitter,
and a book that
lacks that one great line that captures my mind.
After you
happiness is skinny,
it is worn and faded,
a ghost touching my soul.
And nothing,
nothing scares me more
than the possibility of never feeling
as alive as I did that night,
so wonderfully alive
that I could feel happiness bursting
from underneath
the skin you were kissing.
And sometimes-
when the sun is just right
and light fractures as it hits the glass
waltzing through the air
until it kisses my face;
and when my coffee is just the way I like it-
1/3 coffee, 2/3 milk
and as I’m discovering perfection in worn out pages,
-I almost feel happy.
I feel like if happiness was a thing-
I could touch it, but my fingertips would not feel it.
It would be light
that does not dance across my face,
and it would be coffee
that’s just a little bit too bitter,
and a book that
lacks that one great line that captures my mind.
After you
happiness is skinny,
it is worn and faded,
a ghost touching my soul.
And nothing,
nothing scares me more
than the possibility of never feeling
as alive as I did that night,
so wonderfully alive
that I could feel happiness bursting
from underneath
the skin you were kissing.
m.v., What if you were it for me?
In some ways,
you were my first,
and in some,
you were my last-
with you I learned
how not to love.
you were my first,
and in some,
you were my last-
with you I learned
how not to love.
Today,
I didn’t miss you
for the first time
in a while.
I was too busy
living life.
I didn’t miss you
for the first time
in a while.
I was too busy
living life.
m.v., But now I’ve taken a moment to indulge.
If they missed me, they’d call… See, no! You miss them. You miss them so much that sometimes you think you’ve seen them on the street, and you turn around, your heart beating wildly in your chest, drumming in your ears, and it turns out it’s just someone with a similar hat. And sometimes it seems like they’re calling your name, and you turn around, but no, it’s a different couple and really it’s not their voice and not your name, but it’s what love sounds like and you miss the sound of love. And sometimes you stay awake because you keep trying to stop your mind from wondering what they’re doing and if they miss your presence as much as you miss theirs. And then it’s 3am, and you’ve been staring at their number, the one you wrote on a torn-up piece of paper before deleting it from your phone, you stare at it - and you don’t call. Not because you don’t miss them, but because missing them is like missing a part of your being, and the potency of that scares you; how much it hurts scares you. And the thing is - you’re just starting to do better and the thought of going back, of having to go through missing them all over again terrifies you. Don’t think you’re alone in this, just because you’re lonely. There’s probably two of you out there, trying to escape from ground zero with as little damage as possible. There’s probably two of you, struggling to stay away, because just like you, they did care.
m.v., What I learned from the 100 phone calls I never made.
You taught me
how to kiss
with my heart
and not my lips.
how to kiss
with my heart
and not my lips.
The problem is-
all of my dreams
are memories.
all of my dreams
are memories.
m.v., I still spend my nights with you
Our goodbyes were never final,
they were just a way for us to love-
they were promises we’d made,
so we’d have something to break,
they were a way to walk away,
in order to find each other again,
they were moments of pain so bad
that what we had always seemed better.
I never thought that one day
goodbye would be the last time and the last place,
I never thought we’d get lost on our way back,
I never thought our ending would be so quiet.
they were just a way for us to love-
they were promises we’d made,
so we’d have something to break,
they were a way to walk away,
in order to find each other again,
they were moments of pain so bad
that what we had always seemed better.
I never thought that one day
goodbye would be the last time and the last place,
I never thought we’d get lost on our way back,
I never thought our ending would be so quiet.
Sometimes - I still wake up at 3 am,
breathless,
and think, for a blissful moment-
It’s just another break,
and then, I shatter.
breathless,
and think, for a blissful moment-
It’s just another break,
and then, I shatter.
m.v., It was meant to be an interlude
I cared,
And I’m sorry
I ever let you
Wonder.
And I’m sorry
I ever let you
Wonder.
m.v., Winning a battle lost me the war
I can’t tell,
if I dreamed about you
all night,
or if you were just
the first thing on my mind
when I woke up.
if I dreamed about you
all night,
or if you were just
the first thing on my mind
when I woke up.
m.v., And maybe it was both
I’m running out of
Pretty words
For loving you
And
Metaphors for pain;
I’m running out of
Ways to say-
I miss you,
And
I need you,
Like I need air.
Pretty words
For loving you
And
Metaphors for pain;
I’m running out of
Ways to say-
I miss you,
And
I need you,
Like I need air.
We were fire-
Beautiful
From afar,
Destructive
At the slightest touch;
We burned each other,
We turned love into ash.
Beautiful
From afar,
Destructive
At the slightest touch;
We burned each other,
We turned love into ash.
m.v., I miss playing with fire
It’s not just a song-
It was a beginning,
It was that night
And your arms wrapped around me,
It was kisses and swollen lips,
Whispers between entangled sheets,
It was us, before we grew apart,
It was the good times.
And now-
It’s a memory that bleeds,
As I wrap my arms around my knees,
As I kiss the scars on my wrists,
As I whisper the lyrics,
It’s us, in the aftermath,
It’s the lost times.
It was a beginning,
It was that night
And your arms wrapped around me,
It was kisses and swollen lips,
Whispers between entangled sheets,
It was us, before we grew apart,
It was the good times.
And now-
It’s a memory that bleeds,
As I wrap my arms around my knees,
As I kiss the scars on my wrists,
As I whisper the lyrics,
It’s us, in the aftermath,
It’s the lost times.
If someone’s pushing you away maybe you should let them.
I hope that one day,
When the dust settles
And we meet again
You’ll look at me and see
Your biggest regret.
When the dust settles
And we meet again
You’ll look at me and see
Your biggest regret.
m.v., You should have made me stay
I drop my phone,
For the 10th time tonight,
Because if I called
I’d say I miss you,
But I can’t go back,
And you’d say-
I can’t either.
And then, we’d be quiet,
And I’d listen to your breaths
Until the line went dead,
And tomorrow-
I’d want to do it all again.
For the 10th time tonight,
Because if I called
I’d say I miss you,
But I can’t go back,
And you’d say-
I can’t either.
And then, we’d be quiet,
And I’d listen to your breaths
Until the line went dead,
And tomorrow-
I’d want to do it all again.
m.v., Addicted
They say-
Write about what you know.
I write about loss,
Of you,
Of me,
About clocks that stand still
Because no,
Time does not heal.
I write,
About the little things I miss:
The taste of your lips,
The dance of your fingertips
And the haunting, haunting blue irises.
I write,
About us,
The fights and the smiles,
The moment we were found,
And the moment we died.
I write,
Hoping one day-
The words will make sense.
I write,
To understand.
Write about what you know.
I write about loss,
Of you,
Of me,
About clocks that stand still
Because no,
Time does not heal.
I write,
About the little things I miss:
The taste of your lips,
The dance of your fingertips
And the haunting, haunting blue irises.
I write,
About us,
The fights and the smiles,
The moment we were found,
And the moment we died.
I write,
Hoping one day-
The words will make sense.
I write,
To understand.
m.v., I keep us alive
My scars-
they’re like
stripes of a tiger;
a warning-
that I’m a fighter.
they’re like
stripes of a tiger;
a warning-
that I’m a fighter.
m.v., Lessons in self love
I knew we were over,
Before we ended.
We fought,
And I was sitting
Outside, alone,
At that party-
Hoping you’d come
And find me.
You never came
And then one day-
I just stopped waiting,
I walked away
And we faded,
We ended.
Before we ended.
We fought,
And I was sitting
Outside, alone,
At that party-
Hoping you’d come
And find me.
You never came
And then one day-
I just stopped waiting,
I walked away
And we faded,
We ended.
m.v., Almost a love poem
We were both broken
In different places,
Our shattered pieces
Didn’t fit;
Our sharp edges
Didn’t click;
Instead-
They cut deep;
Instead-
We hurt,
We wounded,
We ruined.
In different places,
Our shattered pieces
Didn’t fit;
Our sharp edges
Didn’t click;
Instead-
They cut deep;
Instead-
We hurt,
We wounded,
We ruined.
m.v., Goodbye was a remedy
They say it takes
21 days
To break a bad habit.
Today is day 22-
And you’re still
The first thing I think of
When I wake up in the morning;
The last thing on my mind
Before I go to sleep,
And the single most recurring thought
That haunts me in between.
21 days
To break a bad habit.
Today is day 22-
And you’re still
The first thing I think of
When I wake up in the morning;
The last thing on my mind
Before I go to sleep,
And the single most recurring thought
That haunts me in between.
Maybe 23
I wrote you
Down.
I turned you
Into art.
I made you
Immortal.
Down.
I turned you
Into art.
I made you
Immortal.
I needed an antagonist
I was afraid-
of intimacy,
of details,
of knowing,
how you like your coffee
and what you smell like
in the morning.
I was afraid-
of learning,
the taste of your lips,
memorizing each of your
fingertips.
I was afraid-
of having to forget.
of intimacy,
of details,
of knowing,
how you like your coffee
and what you smell like
in the morning.
I was afraid-
of learning,
the taste of your lips,
memorizing each of your
fingertips.
I was afraid-
of having to forget.
I wanted us to be a great love story.
We weren’t.
You were bored. And I was lonely.
We weren’t.
You were bored. And I was lonely.
I meticulously
Deleted you
From every
Pocket of
My life.
But you,
Still linger
In my
Mind.
Deleted you
From every
Pocket of
My life.
But you,
Still linger
In my
Mind.
Some winds,
Break your wings,
Others,
Help you soar.
Break your wings,
Others,
Help you soar.
Torn
I wonder how it happens,
going from not caring
if you’re alive, to
wanting to
die with you.
going from not caring
if you’re alive, to
wanting to
die with you.
If only,
The reality
Had been
As perfect
As memories,
We’d still
Have the
Night kisses
Instead of
Lonely dreams.
The reality
Had been
As perfect
As memories,
We’d still
Have the
Night kisses
Instead of
Lonely dreams.
I am not very good at
Building my life,
On shifting
Sands.
Building my life,
On shifting
Sands.
You are my yesterday, my tomorrow.
I find you in silences
Of my favorite songs,
In between the lines
Of the books I love,
In the aftermath
Of tears I don’t cry.
I find you,
Just traces,
In the lost pieces,
Pieces of me.
Of my favorite songs,
In between the lines
Of the books I love,
In the aftermath
Of tears I don’t cry.
I find you,
Just traces,
In the lost pieces,
Pieces of me.
Brave words die on my lips.
I have fallen in love with
The scars we make,
I do not notice
The burning
Pain.
The scars we make,
I do not notice
The burning
Pain.
I want to be
Your choice.
Not,
Your fate.
Your choice.
Not,
Your fate.
I hate that
I remember
Your kisses
Better than
I remember
My tears.
I remember
Your kisses
Better than
I remember
My tears.
Until I believe my own lies.
See the problem with being drunk in love is - the hangover sucks.
If you’re lucky you’ll have regrets, regrets that you never read that book you got from your mom for your eighteenth birthday, that you never asked that boy out, the one that used to sit in the coffee shop, by the widow and look out, his shy eyes taking the world in. Regrets that you spent too much of your twenties too drunk to marvel in the freedom that is the life ahead, and not enough of your thirties, to help with the anxiety that hits once you realize - this is it, the life, it’s happening. You’ll regret kisses and arguments, missed phone calls, deleted voicemails and unsent emails. You’ll regret the small things, missed chances, wasted opportunities. If you’re lucky. Because regret, regret means you still have the hunger, the hunger for more, for better, the hunger that feeds the audacity to start over.
Better get up. The day isn’t going to fuck itself up.
My mind: graveyard for wasted potential.
I want to
Forget the nights.
But then,
What would I
Spend my days
Remembering?
We don’t end,
We fade,
Until we
Begin again.
We fade,
Until we
Begin again.
Love Reincarnate
You are,
The end of me,
A beginning of
Insanity.
The end of me,
A beginning of
Insanity.
Our story
I think we must be
In love with lust,
Because darling,
What we have,
Is too broken
To be love.
I blink. Moment becomes a memory.
I go through conversations,
In my head,
Pour over details,
Look for meaning,
In your kisses,
Trace my lips
With shaky fingertips.
I remember words,
And what was unsaid,
I remember remembering,
Now, as well.
I look for signs of trouble,
But all I find is
Fallible love.
In my head,
Pour over details,
Look for meaning,
In your kisses,
Trace my lips
With shaky fingertips.
I remember words,
And what was unsaid,
I remember remembering,
Now, as well.
I look for signs of trouble,
But all I find is
Fallible love.
Life after you
I vomit my guts out
trying,
to get you out of my
bloodstream.
Like cheap wine
that clouds my mind;
like pills
that numb,
I turn myself
inside out
trying,
to get you out
of the pockets of my fading
consciousness.
Like dreams
that haunt me;
thoughts
that paralyze,
I turn myself
inside out.
But you’re still
here,
like a toxin.
And I am
no longer me.
A Love Story
I love you. But maybe time will prove me wrong.
I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.
sometimes I think I have felt everything I’m ever going to feel. And from here on out, I’m not going to feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I’ve already felt."
"Do not play with people’s feelings. Do not lead people on. One day you’ll want to be with someone for real and they won’t believe you."
my body isnt a temple my body is a castle with a moat and crocodiles and a dragon who will set you on fire if you touch me
You told me to wait, but you never came back.
"Maybe it was time to at least pretend to be a nicer person than I knew I was."
We found out a long time ago that we weren’t meant to fall in love with each other. But a part of me still fell in hope with him."
doctor: have u taken anything in the last 24 hours?
me: i took some selfies B)
Somewhere between fuck you and I’d fuck you
even the essays i write sound sarcastic
"What we had meant nothing. This crying and sobbing is just for show. I don’t love you. You are not my world, you don’t put the stars in my night sky, and you are certainly not trapped in my veins. I am okay."
All of a sudden
I miss everyone
even the ones
who are not gone
yet."
I miss everyone
even the ones
who are not gone
yet."
you know you’re fucked when those late night thoughts start hitting you in the middle of the day
"if someone were to ask me if i’d been in love, i’d immediately think of you. think of the way your eyes turn a deep shade of green when you look into certain kind of light, think of the way you grabbed my hand on our first date, i’d think about how much i loved the smell of your aftershave, i’d think about the way you kissed my for head right before you got out the car and told me you loved me for the first time, i’d think about the first time you met my father and looked him straight in the eye and asked him if you could take me to the school dance, i’d think about how you smelt of cheap whiskey when you snuck through my window and about the fight we got in, i’d think about how when i asked you to leave, you told me you weren’t coming back. and you kept your promise. if someone asked me if i’d ever been in love, my heart would drop to my stomach and my heart would began to break all over again and i would look them straight in the eye and say “no.”"
Yes hello 911. I’m bored you wanna chill or some shit
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