"I’ll never forget the night
We held hands when
You still had a girlfriend.
I knew you didn’t love her
As you reached for my hand.
We were on a dark back
Road dimly light by lantern
Like streetlights.
You told me you hadn’t
Felt this happy in years.
As we came to a stop
In the middle of the road.
You said you couldn’t
Continue to drive while
Being so distracted by your
Urges to kiss me.
I knew it was wrong, and it wasn’t
Fair to your girlfriend.
I knew I would regret it
But I leaned over and kissed
You.
I kissed you right on
Your perfect lips.
I kissed a boy
Who belonged to someone
Else but I swear in that
Moment you were mine."

She wouldn’t matter anyway
She would
Feel so alone watching us
Fall in love.
You were my chance at
Freedom.
Sometimes I still see you
Through the ihop glass
Window.
I don’t bother to wave because
What is the point in waving
To someone who
Wasn’t there to break my fall."

remember the second night i knew you
 and how you covered up my mouth in your bedroom

because i was falling in love too loudly?

You remind me of a summer night.

You seem so endless,
but I know you will come to an end
before I’m ready to say goodbye.

"

Do you think there is a place,
Somewhere out of our reach,
Where you and I are only separated by the clothes on our body
Instead of dark interstate miles and late night phone calls?"

You don’t need to recognize my face.
You will see it in his eyes when he wakes up.

You don’t ever need to hear my voice.
He will talk about it in his sleep.

Please, keep the man you see in front of you.
I’ve already had the best of him.

You’ll never need to compare us.
Darling, I left a mark on that man
In the shape of my name
In a place where your standards will never reach.

You were like a stranger
With familiar qualities.
I tried to kiss your face
But you pulled away
And said you had a girlfriend.
Sometimes it’s best if 
We don’t speak at all. 
Sometimes it’s best that our
Lips don’t meet anymore.
Sometimes it’s best if 
We are strangers.
Atleast if we are strangers
I wont even know
You have a girlfriend.
I don’t know what to think
When I pass your name in my phone,
I don’t know what to think
When we haven’t talked in months.
It’s hard to accept our
Lips will never meet again.
It’s even harder to accept 
Your lips are meeting
Someone else’s.
Lets rewind , back to
When we woke up beside
Each other holding hands.
Can we just hold hands
For old times sake? 
Can our lips meet for old
Times sake?
Can our clothes come off 
For old times sake?
I miss you like the water
Misses the shore when the tide 
Goes back out. 
I miss you like an artist
Misses a painting they
Never finished painting. 
I miss you like a shot 
A basketball player
Took and missed.
I see you everywhere I go
I see you in the darkness we 
Shared when you kissed me
For the first time. 
I see you every time I look
Into the ocean because we
Once shared the water together.
Will my love for you
haunt me forever 
Or will you let me free? 
Will my love for you
Stain my heart like the 
Grease stain you left
On my favorite shirt? 
It’s like my tears have
Accumulated and have 
Formed an ocean 
between us now
And I don’t have a boat
To get me back to you. 
Maybe one day your
Ghost won’t haunt me anymore.
Maybe one day our lips
Will meet again.
Maybe one day you
Won’t have a girlfriend.

"I wish you’d stay.
After all you’ve seen inside this head,
I wish you’d stay.
I wish I had one little piece to
keep you here instead.
Because it’s been empty for so long now,
with just a handful passing through.
Maybe some day one of them will make it home,
but no matter how bad I wish it could be,
I guess it isn’t you."

"These words aren’t about you.
They’re about the person I let rent space
inside my heart.
They’re about the times I wished I could go back
and say to them, “No it’s okay, you can stay longer
I don’t care if your payment is late.”
Because having you there was enough.
But these words aren’t about you.
They’re for the person still hiding behind these drained eyes.
These shaking fingers.
These weak limbs.
And I’m still not sure which is better;
to feel everything at once or nothing at all.
Because sometimes it is both,
and you are the gushing waters drowning my lungs.
And sometimes it is neither,
and you are the words I wish I could take back.
We always left so many of them unsaid,
letting our bodies do the talking.
But now I wonder how many conversations
we’ve had with each other when we
thought we were asleep."

Because I could tell
You didn’t care in the
Way you said you did. 
I saw it in your eyes 
I felt it in your voice. 
Love was a chance
But felt like a choice. 
As I lay hear with
The rain coming down. 
I realize the rain is
All we have in common
Anymore. 
You have probably 
Forgot the way I looked
When I slept
Next to you.
I can’t sleep these days
When my mind plays
Memories of me
And you on repeat.

I hope we meet again someday, Somewhere completely random that takes you by surprise. I hope when you see my face across the way your stomach fills with regret. I hope you won’t even be able to look at me still to that day because you are so upset you hurt me so terribly. I want you to see me and think ” wow she looks so happy.”

I hope by then I am happy. Maybe by then you won’t even cross my mind. Who knows I might just pass you right on by because I have forgot the way your blue eyes shine.

I hope one day we can both be unbearably happy. Maybe together or maybe separately but in the end all that matters is that we end up happy.

You can be lonely even when you are loved by many people, since you are still not anybody’s one and only."

Maybe even though you saw him with another woman, laughing and joking in a smoky bar with their heads held close together, you still think you have a shot with him.

You don’t.

This way of thinking will ruin you; you need to stop looking around corners and walking on eggshells when you’re near…

You still matter to me because I still write about you. I still write about missing you. I still write about you hurting me, me hurting you and the pain we inflicted on each other. I still write about the great and horrible times. It’s all still present with me, meaning you are too. I still write about you because there’s still something left to be written.

Our story left at “to be continued”

I got home and the only person I wanted to see was you. 
The only person I wanted to take the numbness away was you. 
But you’re nowhere to be found and I’m starting to see it’s not just a phase. 
The irony in telling myself, “I told you so”. 

Because sometimes,
I kiss boys who drive jeeps,
Boys that make me feel 
Like I am worth as
Much as that gum on
That shelf. 
Boys who leave when 
All the fun has come
And gone. 
They don’t even know
They took my heart
As they went. 
Boys who fill me with
Hopes and promises
Just to later let them
Flow away as fast
As they flowed in.
Boys that make me feel
like a princess or a queen
Only to realize everything
They ever said, they
Didn’t even mean. 
Boys who lay in 
My bed for hours
On end just to leave
And never plan
On returning again.
I wonder why my 
Heart feels numb
Maybe because every 
Boy that comes takes
A piece of my heart
And I don’t know
If I can get them back.

You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.

I want to wear a
blue dress on my
wedding day because
I’m not pure and
I think the sea
is the most beautiful
thing the most
innocent I have
ever been.

you have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.

Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?

We shall see.

“It’s about misunderstandings between people and places, being disconnected and looking for moments of connection. There are so many moments in life when people don’t say what they mean, when they are just missing each other, waiting to run into each other in a hallway.”

“I will not forget you, though. I don’t think that you particularly deserve my memory, nor do I flatter myself into believing that you return my sense of vague wistfulness. There is no part of me that wants to return to the limbo I existed in for so long, or even the often-imagined parallel universe in which you reciprocated my feelings to the letter. I do, however, want to remember what it feels like to be hurt, to want, to need something so desperately only to find out that your life is perfectly fine without it. As much as the little scar on my knee will always remind me to watch out when I am running, yours on my heart will teach me to be kind. Because I know what it feels like to be cast aside with indifference, and I know that it’s a pain from which the body itself takes a long time to recover. You will live in my mind as a cautionary tale, a fable of how much damage words can do — especially when they are insincere. And though I am not nostalgic for what we did have, I am hopeful about life being filled with everything we didn’t.”

Am I an option? Am I important? Am I just another girl to add to your list? I wanted to be special. I don’t want to be just another one. I wanna be important. I want you to think about me always. I want you to miss me. I don’t think it’s gonna happen like this anymore. I had hope but my hope is fading.

stupid you
Stupid me
Whose the dumber of the two
Me for believing you, 
Or you for being you.

"I don’t have it in me to like someone more than they like me. I can’t continue to have the same conversations with people not looking for serious relationships or only want a rebound. I’m not interested in being someone’s side girl, number two, or back-up plan and I’m equally disinterested in putting someone in that category. There should never be runner-ups in relationships."

It is like a car crash, I know the impact is coming soon
This is slow motion, the dreadful crash is just a loom
Should I stay or should i run
And just assume.

I told you I was upset,
You did nothing to make it better
With every passing second, minute
By minute my eyes grew wetter.

I used to feel so much passion
In this same very heart
Now all I feel is emptiness like
I did before the very start.

Do you even listen when I tell
You about the sadness inside of me
I cry, I cry, I cry, you just leave me be
How hard would it be to just check
Up on she?

So what I’m trying to say is
I don’t think you care about
What my feelings are
I’m not like you, I can’t make them
Go away at a dimly lite bar.

That was a bit harsh I admit it was
But so was inviting the infamous
she,
And disinviting your girlfriend,thee
How silly of i to think this would ever mean anything to anyone other than me.

he used to kiss me
and thinking of it now
i’m not sure how “hello”
turned into intimacy

its over now
i don’t have much
left to say

except that i don’t
know how “then”
turned into today

the middle drops out
and all i have left is
the beginning
and the end

it keeps me from knowing
how to be anything
besides a “friend” 

if you think long enough
everything just becomes reversed 

like how douche-bag guys are just
wounded souls
and bitches are just insecure

and how mirrors only show
what you look like backwards and

common words you use everyday
don’t sound like English

your hopes and dreams aren’t attainable
and the middle of the day feels like
the middle of the night

and the fact that he doesn’t love you
becomes “well he might” 

You aren’t the shooting star you thought you’d be. To me though, you’ve always felt like the Fourth of July, you’ve always acted like a firework.

I wonder what it was like to fall…