Forgiveness is a long dark walk to a quiet room.

Lately it’s been hard to live in my body.
My heart is full of skeletons. My palms
are bleeding from clinging to a love like
like the sharp edge of a knife.
But you kiss me like forgiveness. You
hold me like I’m hope. Like a promise to
leave more than scars. Your arms are gauze.
Loving you heals me.

something is wrong.
I have lost you."

"People only ask questions when they’re ready to hear the answers."
"I tell you this
to break your heart,
by which I mean only
that it break open and never close again
to the rest of the world."

the universe is punishing me for thinking mean & judgmental thoughts about strangers in public sometimes
my greatest problem is that i like people too much and it is honestly ruining my entire life

it takes so much to make me angry you could probably come up to me with a loaded gun and try to kill me and i would be like “I love & forgive you friend i understand that sometimes life is hard don’t worry i’m not mad at you”

I love people i wish i could know more of the people in the world there are so many wonderful people out there who i will never get to know but i am excited because there are so many wonderful people i haven’t met yet

“so you’ll go your way
and i’ll go mine
i hope we meet later on down the line”

i don’t think anyone in the history of the world has ever loved anything as much as i love literature


Day 56/365
Salt Pepper and Spinderella 

You hate me. You are just too kind to say so.
I’m really sorry I lied. Forgive me, I couldn’t tell you the truth. 
I’m sorry we can’t talk about it.
I'm sorry we can't talk at all.
I’m sorry that it comes like this.
I’m sorry you’re so far. Sorry, I have no intention of coming to find you.
I’m sorry that I don’t call anymore...

Words have weight, something once said cannot be unsaid. Meaning is like a stone dropped into a pool; the ripples will spread and you cannot know what back they wash against.

"Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart."
The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd; the longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. all these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are. 


"I’m so good at beginnings, but in the end I always seem to destroy everything, including myself."

What’s going to happen? I’m going to love you as long as you’ll let me, and then you’ll break my heart.

As I am writing this
I want to make it so you are here
with me right now.
I change the time of my
clock to whatever
city you are in. 

"Maybe I didn’t even know who I was til I saw you holding me."

We are surrounded by the unknown and unknowable and it’s bigger than us and always will be, and I think that’s what the magic of being alive is. 

"But some people can’t tell where it hurts. They can’t calm down. They can’t ever stop howling."

"Your eyes make me shy."

I miss everything. I miss talking to her, hearing about her day. I miss her voice all gravelly and smoky, I miss hearing her laugh, I miss getting her letters, writing her letters. I miss her eyes, and the smell of her hair, and the way her breath tasted. I fucking miss everything. I miss knowing she was around, because it helped me to know that she was around, someone like her existed. I guess most of all, I miss knowing I would see her again. I always thought I’d see her again. 

I’ve always thought there’s a difference between a man breaking your heart and life breaking your heart and the latter always seems to find a way to break you in ways you didn’t even think you could break

If it’s meant for you, you won’t have to beg for it. You will never have to sacrifice your dignity for your destiny. 

To my friends,
I can’t promise I’ll never talk shit about you. But I can promise you’ll never have to hear it from someone else. Whatever I say about you, I will also say to you.

Sometimes when you work hard at something you really want it’s good to take a step back and ask yourself if it’s worth all the effort.

It’s not fair to punish someone because of your own insecurities.

If God doesn’t like the way I live, let him tell me, not you.

i see you’re paying attention to someone who is not me. why is that.

Question everything, the unexamined life is not worth living. 

Everything I love has either ruined me or watched as I ruined it instead. 


— Carl Jung

It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone.

I’m so eager to see you again, but I wouldn’t ask to see you. Not because I’m proud. In fact, in front of you, I cede all my pride. Yet only if you asked to see me, our meeting would be meaningful to me. 

I know what it’s like to quietly suffer. I know what it’s like to dig yourself into a hole because you’re too proud to ask for help. I know what it feels like to want nothing more than just moral support. 
Yes of course I’ve been taken advantage of, but who hasn’t? You learn from your mistakes and move on. 
I care deeply and love hard and I only hope that the people I’m there for pay it forward.

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