When she plays you a song, listen to it throughly. This is her way of communicating everything she cannot speak.

Will you allow me to touch even the
darkest corners of your mind? I wish
to be the only one with the ability to
pull at what holds you together until
you reach a release. I desire to be the
one who positions the blade aiming at
the strings that keep your heart together.
I want to be the one who splits your
soul into perfectly fragmented pieces,
leaving room for every piece of mine.

Let me be the one to break you. I will
be the one with a heart strong enough
to love you unconditionally, sheltering
you enough before you can no longer
absorb the heat of the distress and you
reach your ultimate demise. I will act
as the sun flying closer to your heart
to uncover all the deception that has left
your skin torn in two. Like the moon
that revolves around the earth to give
the other half a chance to hide, let
me work to conceal you.

I want to love every seam of you. I will
discover the places where you allowed
the blade to make love to your skin. I
urge you to recover the memories of
the place where you lost yourself in the
darkness, screaming because you have
always been so desperate for help. Let
me find who broke you, and chain them
out. Let me be the one that makes you
whole.

“Your veins create a map
of all the places that my love
longs to call home.”

“They ask me about
the meaning of love,
and the first thing that
comes to my mind is you.

 But your words hit me
harder than your fists ever could,
and your bitterness makes my blood
run cold. I have lost my desire to love,
because I can no longer love you. 

Even in memory you are exhausting, and I am tired of you.

You will always be

a perfect memory

of a first love

gone wrong.

I do not want to 
hear your apology
when you do not
even understand
what it means 
to truly be sorry.

your memory tastes 
of bitter wine and
ashtray lips.

“You never loved me, but I know that you tried to.”

The only thing
keeping me from
telling you
that I miss you,
is now that you
are really gone.

last nights eyes
make me feel naked
in the morning light.

I write about you 
to keep your memory alive, 
because in my mind you 
are more than an empty corpse, 
more than the scars, 
and more than your history. 
You are the light 
that brought my world hope, 
and you are the woman 
that opened my eyes 
to all of the beauty in the world. 
You are more than simple words
could ever convey.”

You have pushed me far enough away 
that the distance between us feels more 
substantial than ever before, but I am 
still here waiting hopelessly for you to 
realize that I always meant it when I said 
I would never let you go. We were meant
to show that forever is still eternal.

You never did tell me
exactly what it was
that made you strong,
what made you weak.

You never did tell me
exactly what it was
that made you leave

“Of all my mistakes,
falling in love with you
will always be my favourite.”

“The silence is deafening and 
I can feel us becoming strangers. 
I know that you think that I am 
a foolish woman that simply wants 
what is no longer mine, but my time 
with you made me feel like my bones 
finally had a place to rest. 
I am miserable without you, and 
your shadow has settled on all 
the things that you ever touched.
Your memory is crushing all 
of the things that I used to love.
I need you to tell me that everything 
is going to be okay.”

— "Where you find her love, you will find me." 

I am addicted to you,
and there is no cure
for that. 

“I never meant to drown myself in you.”

“I never wanted to be
your favourite secret.”

Incase you’re wondering
I still miss you, I still love you
and you’re always on my mind. 
You will always be it for me.

you have never 
needed water
to make me feel 
like i’m drowning.

Sometimes I can feel you beside me, and I wonder if you
can feel me loving you from where I am.

I have tried to let you go, but I understand now that this will likely
never happen. You are a constant feeling within the walls of my life,
and I will never be able to rid you from my mind. I have wanted
to tell you that I miss you, but I am moving forward and now I
want to say that I still love you. I will always love you.

I am not ashamed, I am not proud, I am honest.
It is rare, but sometimes I can find pieces of you
within the silence, and so I like to be alone.

the sky looks as heavy as my heart feels

I have lost myself
trying to find my way
back to you. 

I had always wondered
what it would be like
loving someone like you.
Someone so crippled
with memories and
the heaviness of regret.

You were always the first
willing to tell a lie.
Looking back, I recognize
that this is why you were so good
at keeping me a secret.

I was something unlike
anything you were used to.
I inspired beauty inside of you,
and watched as you grew
from a young girl
to a beautiful woman.
You cried when you realized
I had yet to discover
those parts of myself.

It wasn’t long after that,
that you let me go
to endure these discoveries
all alone.

I always neglect
the parts of my mind
that wear your memory
upon their walls.

”

— "Incase you were wondering, this is about you." - Mariah Gordon-Dyke

sometimes I ache for you
in ways that I will never understand.
your absence is like light being
completely consumed by darkness.
your memory has never acted as my friend;
it was the first to tell me any lies,
and the first to leave me behind.
you are not like anything that I am used to,
and I wonder how I am ever going to
pursue the act of forgetting you.

I will wait patiently 

to hear words that 

you will never say, 

and even though 

I may wish to, 

I will never stray.

1. One Friday night, I did not come home. You worried about me, and you were right to. I spent hours in the bed of a stranger, curled up in sheets consumed in soft skin and wet lips. This was the first time I embraced the caress of a stranger. The air held words full of comfort, and the walls now wear the memory of pleasure. This was the night that allowed me to see that sometimes it’s alright to indulge in spontaneity. It’s alright to go home to an unfamiliar bed. It’s alright to leave your panties on the floor.

I will smile whenever I hear
your name, and I will let go
of everything that defined
my love for you, because
I know that is what you
want me to do.

I am boarding up my windows
and closing every door.
You will never find me.

1 A.M. and
I cannot help
but feel hopeless,
like nothing
will ever save me
from the ache
of your memory.

As 2 A.M. hits
I can once again
feel the pierce
of your lips against
my fragile skin.

By 3 A.M.
I realize that
I will never feel
at home in this
bed again.
Your presence
lives on like
a stain on the
palms of
my hands.

So when 4 A.M.
rolls around, I
allow the darkness
to swallow up
the parts of you
that remain,
and I hope
that tomorrow
will be a better day.

Time never taught me
how to let you go.
I’m losing my mind,
and I’ve already lost you.

I remember that final night and the way
your lips felt as they grazed my own.
I don’t think I ever told you, but you tasted
of cigarette ashes and bitter wine. I remember
you as you were wrapping your hands
around my own, and telling me you would
have regretted it if you hadn’t taken
the chance to allow your lips to taste
what they have craved for so long.
I instantly missed your warmth as we parted,
and from that moment on, I could not
comprehend why we wasted our time
together doing anything but this.

I will never let you go,
   and as hard as I fight
      the idea of forever with you
  out from my mind,
        I will always remember
          what it feels like to imagine it.
  Dark nights consumed with nothing
      but the thought of you
   filling me up, and flowing out.

You hear me say that I miss you,
but what I am telling you is that
the ache in my bones has become
too much to bear alone. I am telling you
that the blood in my veins is laced with you,
and I can feel your pulse on the edge
of my fingertips, begging to be grazed.
Now that I am watching you walk away,
I am trying to hold myself together in ways
that only you could.

I start to forget you, and all of my fondest memories of our time together come flooding back. I see the way you looked when you leaned in to kiss me, and I still feel your arms wrapped around me while your head rests on my back after our first fight. I hear your voice as you are yelling that I am blind if I do not see that you love me; there are tears forming in your eyes. I am watching myself as I look at you in the dimly lit movie theatre, and I remember telling your brothers about how I did not know what it meant, but I knew that I loved you. I remember you holding that cigarette between your lips on our final night together, and I remember every moment of the last time we shared a bed. I remember thinking of how I was going to wake you once I finally reached you, thinking that I could crawl into the bed where your mind was resting, and wrap myself around you. I thought we would spend our time curled around the curves of one another, but reality insisted that the air be so heavy and thick that we would never touch. I do not think I will ever be able to let go of what I know now, and that is that a love like what I held for you is something that I will never rid of. I will wear your memory on my skin, and when people ask why I feel so cold, I will tell them that my body lost it’s warmth when it realized it would never feel your touch again.

What I am trying to say is that I miss you,
and I am afraid that this feeling will never go away.

I have found someone
that holds the potential
to love me deeper
than you ever could.

Unlike with you, I have never
felt like a burden breathing in
the air that surrounds him.
His eyes are warm, and yours
were empty. His fingers
hold more than lines that
represent all his past lovers,
and they graze my skin
with the touch of a gentle
satisfaction.

I cannot keep it to myself.
I have never waited for anyone
past you, but I refuse to be
put on a shelf to never be
touched again.

I am forgetting you
a little bit more as
every day passes,
and I cannot help
but wonder if you
are doing the same.

when people ask what
happened to me, I will
tell them that it was you.
you are the secret I kept
in the corners of my mouth,
hidden under my tongue
like a pill meant to save me,
but in time, destroying me.

I know that you
aren’t sure if you
love me, and I know
that you’re not sure
that you don’t.

I have memorized
so many faces after
finding you in them.

Lovers come,
and lovers go,
but your name
is a name that I
will always know.

I always regret
loving strangers;
you were no exception.

who do you love
when you are not
busy trying to
forget about me?

We will come 
back to each other,
oh my darling just 
you wait and see.

I have never asked for you 
to leave me within the shadows
because it was better for me,
or asked you to forget about me, 
but you, my love, have asked all 
of this of me. 

I am not leaving you, I will never 
leave you, because I am eternally 
in love with you. But you are always 
finding new reasons to leave me.

I do not love you because I am lonely, 
and the fact that you believe that the 
only way for someone to truly love you,
is for them to see you as a last resort
makes me ache in ways I never thought possible. 
I will never choose you because I am “alone”,
I will choose you because you remind me 
that sometimes it is okay to be that way.

You are a part
of my history
that I am proud
to call my own.

I feel your presence 
slipping into absence, 
and I am afraid of who
I will become once you
are gone. But I know 
that you never called 
my heart home, and 
I must do right by you
and let you go.

your love was never
permanently mine,
and i realize now
how useless it is
to hold on to someone
that no longer wishes
to be a part of your life.

be careful who you 
give your love to, 
because they may not 
give it back to you

Whatever you do, do not let her drink. 
When she does, let her dance, 
let her smoke another cigarette, 
and let her yell at you. 
Listen to her, because chances are 
she is telling you that she loves you, 
and this is a memory you do not want to forget.

f she is feeling down, close the blinds
and crawl into bed. Wrap yourself around her
and watch twelve hours of whatever
ridiculous television show she has chosen,
because those are the times
she will appreciate the most.

Repeat to yourself that she will love you one day,
and some day you will start to believe it.

Finally, your time with her will be the happiest
you have been in your entire life. Enjoy it.

At some point in your life,
if you are very lucky, you
will meet a person that
separates your life into
the time before you knew
them, and the time after.
She was that person
for me.

Someday I will
find peace in
forgetting you,
and a home in
your memory.

You told me that
you didn’t know
what you wanted,
but what you meant
was that you didn’t
want me.

And though I may
never be entirely sure,
my memories tell me
that you are worth
fighting for.

I will miss being in her life,
driving down the roads
that confine her, with the
people that define her.
I will miss her eyes and
the constant struggle
she carries around on
her shoulders. I will miss
the way her tongue
rolls to say my name,
and the one time she
kissed my forehead
will forever remain
in my mind. But
we will never live
united; her love will
never be mine.

You may never want
to admit it, but you and I
shared the kind of love
that others crave. 

You remind me
of the parts of myself
that I will never
have a chance
to meet.

I love you in more ways
than I can count. I do not
love you simply because
of your beauty or your 
incredible mind, but rather
how your beauty shines
from your deepest depths,
and how you spread your 
wisdom so effortlessly. 
I love you because I know that
you would run to the ends 
of the earth just to show me 
how much you love me. 
Your soul radiates the warmest 
of colours, your hands are home
to my own, and the love that I
carry for you is heavier than
anything else I have held. 
I cannot help but think that
you are too good to be true.

You spread a
toxic kind of
love and it is
making its way
deep into my
bones. I am
afraid that
there is no
cure for a love
like this.

It has taken you next to no time
to realize that you really do not
need me. And that would be
just fine if I could remember
how to live without you.

Do you remember the days
when I spent hours waiting
on you, making myself look
ridiculous in your eyes. You
used to be my life, my soul.
I used to be so damn in love
with you.

By 3 A.M.
I realize that
you will not
be coming
back to me.

So when 4 A.M
rolls around, I
turn my back
to the door,
and promise
myself that
tomorrow, I
will not call.'

I am just so tired.
Tired of missing you,
tired of loving you and
most of all, I am tired
of remembering
you entirely. 

I am sorry that
it took losing you
for me to see
what you truly
meant to me.

And I know that
it would do no good,
but I would hurt you
if I could

your silence
spoke louder
than any string
of words you
ever spoke.

Of all the things I remember
about you, your lips will be
the hardest to forget

you were never
permanent; you
were never mine.

Loving you has changed me
into someone I no longer
want to be. I feel disconnected
from myself, because I am
so busy always trying to find
you.

there is a difference between
absence and presence. i know
this to be true, because i feel
you, but i know you will never
be here with me. your presence
is now defined by your absence. 

you are gone and yet
still present. you are
everywhere, and you
are nowhere. i cannot
escape. 

She spent the summer
making her way through
multiple lovers, hoping
that as she pressed her
once cherished lips
against the necks of 
new strangers that she
could find her way back
to who she used to be.

you will always
love me the most
when I am not
yours to love.