"There are times in life
where a single brush of skin
can change everything.

my entire life could be summed up in the word “oop

You unfollow me because you’re afraid of falling in love with me, I know

the heat of my computer evens out the coldness of my heart

I take super hot showers because I like to practice burning in hell.

  • person 1: i can draw really well
  • person 2: i'm really athletic
  • person 3: i write really well
  • person 4: i'm fucking gorgeous
  • person 5: i'm hilarious and likable
  • person 6: i can dance really well
  • me: i can breathe really well!

  • You’re allowed to scream, you’re allowed to cry, but do not give up.

  • If you died, it would be like my bones had been removed. No one would know why, but I would collapse.

  • my english teacher: your essay isn't very well put together
  • me: my thoughts are stars i cannot fathom into constellations

  • The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them

  • me writing an essay: I have absolutely no fucking clue what I am writing but it sounds smart

  • Me after just cleaning my room: Wow, I am never letting my room get messy again!
  • The next day: has anyone seen my bed

  • fact: you eat 28 spiders in your lifetime. always 28. if you are about to die and you have only eaten 3 then 25 spiders arrive at once

  • math test: a farmer plants 7 crops of tomatoes and 3 crops of carrots what is the probablity his moms name is leslie
  • history test: the american civil war ended in 1865, explain how this had a defining role in the extinction of dinosaurs
  • literature test: explain what the author meant by, "the apple was as red as an apple"
  • physics tests: the aliens ate 3.4 doughnuts. their crumbs fell to the Earth because of gravity. calculate how many penguins are eating pancakes at the speed of light.

  • You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.

  • my laptop battery is dying but then again so am I

  • Buying stuff online gives me a reason to live for another 5-7 business days.

  • do you have 11 protons because you are sodium fine

  • you could answer almost anything with “not since the accident” 
    Actually, you can’t.
    Not since the accident.

    how do you tell a guy politely you want to push him against a wall and make out with him
    this wall looks nice, but i think it’d look better with you against it

    I’m really good at keeping secrets because five minutes later I forget what you told me because I don’t care

    Since most of us are in bed with our laptops I like to think it means we’re kind of in bed together
    Not to mention some of us are naked.

    stop making seminarians so attractive, it makes me question my morals or what’s left of them anyway

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