❝ Stop saying, ‘I’m saving it for something or someone special’. One day you’ll wake up and realize, you’ve wasted it a long time ago. // ❝ I love you and you’ll be the last to know. // ❝ If you can kill people by ignoring them, you are now officially a criminal.

❝ I believe that unfinished things are the loveliest because you keep on wanting them. You crave for them - like this poem. Like the song cut by your mother’s voice calling for breakfast. Like us.


you are light. you are soft. you are magic.

❝ It would be a delight to be ruined by you.

I think you’re an art I cannot comprehend and this thing we have, this could be another bloody poetry.


The sky is feeling blue today.

 Another woman stole her wedding dress.

 Honeymoon before the wedding is mainstream.

❝ Even the stars fall sometimes too.

❝ Her skin was her favorite paper.

 I am real, said the unicorn.

❝ You look like someone who can burn me; someone who will collect the ashes and watch me rise from it.

I am so tired of waiting,

Aren’t you,

For the world to become good

And beautiful and kind?

 People leave and it’s either you cry or do the laundry.

❝ I closed the door and I was happy. I did not even hear the bang. Perhaps I closed it slowly. I do not remember at all. I chewed the quiet and swallowed it hungrily. There I was at the party, my eyes longing for your eyes with the beer iced cold as my heart, my temper. Where have you been? Where are you headed? I am coming with you. Please take me with you.

 We know mornings too well.
We know loneliness.
We know that bees must be saved.
But we like honey so much.
We like pretense sweetness.
We want to be wanted so bad
we no longer care if it is deadly.
I’m dreadfully yet unapologetically
in love with you.

❝ It does not matter if he is not the same person you lost as long as he is the exact same person you want to find.

❝ I will never
truly know myself. 
This is why it’s never wrong 
to love a stranger.

❝ Every person is a poem but not everyone knows how to read.

— irishjulienne, so it is not your fault they do not love you back

❝ I leave pieces of me in cities I’ve been to and people I’ve been with. I am everywhere.

❝ We are all cruel not just to others but mostly to ourselves.

— irishjulienne, and this cruelty is not easy to forgive

❝ I am here but I am not.
You are there but you are not.
We’re somewhere.
Finally we’re elsewhere.

— irishjulienne, we both wanted to run

❝ The ghosts are not just passing by. I know them. I know them too well.

❝ I learn to love people during train rides. Maybe it’s their silence or the warmth they don’t intend to give. Each stop, my heart breaks. I seldom go home with it whole.

— irishjulienne, a short love affair

❝ If I could only meet all the wrong people and love them right. If you’re lonely, if you think you’ve messed up I will still fucking love you. Our eyes can see but we will never see all those broken pieces of people’s hearts floating like ashes in the hallways or grocery store or in the damn street. I’m sick of this! Sleeping at night thinking how many people in this world are lying in bed naked because that’s the only place they feel bare and free. How can you let someone sleep coldly when you know you have so much warmth to give? I will fuckin love them all the way they want to be loved. This feeling is so terrible. We adopt a cat and shelter some dogs yet how can we fuckin ignore a breaking heart or a sad person?! Let’s keep our money, our clothing, our food to ourselves. But love, man? Just fuckin give it. Before you even offer it someone is willing to take it as fast as lighting. Let’s please stop commodifying love. Be patient, darling. Hang on a little bit longer. I will come see you. I will fuckin love you.

— irishjulienne, spread the love

❝ As much as I want to be compared to the stars, I won’t be like them. During the storm, I promise you will still see me.

❝ I will always be patiently aching for you - my love, my darling, my loss.

❝ I am so hungry for words, for people, for love. I crave everything and no matter how much I take them all in, I just can’t satisfy my soul enough. So I write some more and love a little bit harder hoping I would fill myself up in the process…

— irishjulienne, hunger

❝ When you can no longer apologize, leave.

— irishjulienne, you might be forgiven then

❝ I wasn’t drunk but I said those words anyway. I know it’s ridiculous. But I can always pretend I’m drunk or high but I can no longer disguise as someone who doesn’t care about you when you’re the only one I give a shit about.

— irishjulienne, yet you said i’ll never be sober enough

❝ Such a shame,
there is so much to feel
and I have only one heart.

— irishjulienne, my brain carries it all

 One day
I will see you again
and I’m not going to feel anything;
not even hate or longing.

— irishjulienne, we could be happy, the both of us

❝ Before you, I was made for running and hiding and forgetting.

— irishjulienne, now i’m glad someone’s brave enough to stay

❝ You left.

I hope you come back before this finally sinks in.

— irishjulienne, this is not happening

 Even if you don’t have a story to tell, there’s always this one person who can write novels about you. You may not know it yet. But someday you will. You’ll read it out loud and fall inlove with yourself. 

Repeat after me: I am worth writing and reading for.

❝ The trouble with writing is doubt. Do not underestimate my ability to dissolve you into words. You were never real to me. You’ve always been a poem; just a metaphor I kinda hoped turn into something solid.

— irishjulienne, i love you this way

• goodbyes give birth to a more lovelier hello.
• your palms are made of second chances and third
and fourth and unlimited opportunities.
• when the sea gets angry, it forms a tsunami.
angry things are the deadliest.
control your anger.
don’t kill.
• your mother will always understand.
if she doesn’t, prove her wrong.
• you will always be your father’s weakness.
• there are days when eating a box of pizza
all by yourself is necessary.
• you can scream with your car’s window rolled down.

•poetry is always meant to be beautifully or painfully tragic.
• someone out there is dying to know you exist.
• hands are the best things no matter how rough
or calloused they are.
• not everyone will treat you right but not
all of them meant to hurt you.
• bad days are lessons and memories
that are yet to be learned and cherished.
• you can always unlearn drowning and master
breathing and staying afloat.
• you have the right to leave and the choice to stay.
• home isn’t always tangible.
it could be a pair of shaky hands and gentle eyes.
• don’t settle for sands when you can hold a rock.
• regret is far worst than trying.
• you can always cry.
you can weep.
you have the right to break down.
just let it all out.
• sleep could be an escape but too much of it
means running away.
• your dog understands you.
just talk to him when you have
no one else to turn to.
• your cat can warm your bed.
• don’t cut your wrist.
stitch your old wounds.
•we are all fucked up.
•you’re not alone in this.
• if people’s heart can change,
your sorrow, too is not permanent.
•you’ll be happy. you’ll smile again.
you’ll survive this. you’ll live.

— irishjulienne, things to remember when you feel like dying

 Teach me to forget the unforgettable.

— irishjulienne, teach me to forget you

❝ I can tell by the way you try to avoid me, you’ve been struggling not to miss me.

❝ I’ve loved you so much
it took me some time to realize
you’ve already left.

— irishjulienne, too late to wake up

❝ I think of you. This is not something new. I think of you during long hour road trips by the woods. I think of you, the first time I step on a freshly mowed grass. I think of you whenever I missed the sunset. I think of you during 2am walks, hoping I won’t get raped or abducted by strangers. I collected your photos although I fought really hard with myself one time because I decided to burn every single piece. I don’t know why longing fills my throat when I am about to say your name. I stopped cutting, you know. Anything that can be cut, I cut it for love’s sake. I cut my hair, you know. I cut it so you won’t have a hard time ignoring me when we bump into the streets. I cut it short so you won’t recognize this girl you once fucked and loved (I hope you did, at least). My cat misses you. He stops eating for two days after you packed your things up and called it quits. You know what sucks? My cat does. I know if he can only talk, he would say he is choosing you instead of me. No matter what I feed him, he refuses to take a single bite. He drinks milk as his way to survive and sleep on your cotton slippers which I think you intentionally left behind for his enjoyment. I think of you. I think of you a lot, a lot more lately. My cat died. I refused to believe he died of starvation. I want to believe he died of a broken heart. That would give it more justice. I still think of you though. I think of you in the shower. I screamed your name out on a rainy day and the neighbors said, I was a poor kid. I am a kid no more. But I am truly poor and weak and probably dying. But I need to find a way to stop thinking of you. I don’t want to give in just like that. I want to be like our cat. I hope I am a strong as the both of you were. I want to be the one who leaves first while everybody stays behind.

— irishjulienne, my cat stops living after you left

❝ I see you and it still hurts my eyes everytime i try to look away.

❝ I do not always remember so there would be no reason to forget.

❝ What we had was my everything. Now I have nothing but memories. I still manage to smile whenever you cross my mind.

— irishjulienne, i still think about you sometimes

❝ The clouds turn gray
and learn how to
cry.

— irishjulienne, rain

 I demand love.
I know it’s wrong to want something you cannot have.
I know it’s wrong to want something you cannot give.
But i still want it.
Even if it means walking alone at two in the morning,
waiting for you at the bus stop.
Even if it means reheating lasagna over and over again
until you arrive home.
Even if it means hugging you in your sleep and pretending
I don’t know you’re just faking every snore.
I still demand love.
Even if it’s not from you.
I demand it because I believe,
somehow I deserve it.

— irishjulienne, i demand love

 Don’t love me when you’re drunk.
Don’t leave me when you’re sober.

❝ Forgetting you is like getting out of bed early in the morning. Even the mere imagination of it makes me tired so I easily give in and find myself sleeping again.

 I will burn every memory of you if I could.

You do not love people 
because they are worth-loving.
You love them even if they are not, 
even if they themselves stutter the moment 
they are about to say the words I love you. 
You love people not because they are weak 
but because you know they can be stronger with you. 
I love you not because you love me too.
I love you because I simply do.

 Our love ended in a beautifully tragic way. 
I had you. You had me. 
Even just for a little while.
In a way, that is beautiful.
In a way, that is enough.

 Listen my friend. Silence can kill. Yes, silence is deadly. It grips you from the inside. Silence is a form of self-destruction too.

❝ I never wanted to be a singer. I wanted to be the song.

 I love all the good things about you but not as much as I love your weaknesses.

❝ Everytime you love someone, a piece of you stays with that person forever. The more you love, the more you lose a part of you. Don’t rush for love and never collect lovers like seashells. Once you say ‘I love you’, mean it because you’ll never be whole again. Be sure it’s worth it.

— irishjulienne, i will never be whole again, so they say

Tonight, some people out there are being born while others are taking their last breath.
Tonight some people are having sex while others are crying themselves to sleep.

— irishjulienne, tonight

❝ I have to tell you though, it’s not everyday you get to know someone who is worth your tears.

❝ If you kill yourself, you are going to murder the possibility of a new friendship and future romance.

❝ He does not know how it feels to be lonely because he’s the type who leaves before anyone else does.

❝ I am a warm porridge you refuse to eat because you prefer to be sick.

❝ Don’t laugh at me even if I’m a falling star. I can still burn you.

❝ I wonder if the sunset knows it will rise again tomorrow.

❝ I love sinning with you. It’s the only sin I’ve committed which felt like salvation.

❝ For some people a house
can never be a home. 
For some people the road
is a resting place. 
But for some people, 
another person’s heart
can be a sanctuary; 
a part of you they can 
always come back to.

❝ A man doesn’t have to be great in bed
to prove his worth.
A man doesn’t have to work on his muscles
to prove his worth.
A man doesn’t have to control his tears
to prove his worth.
A man doesn’t have to learn how to drink and smoke weed
to prove his worth.
The same goes for women.
We don’t have to prove our worth to anyone
because whatever they say, we are always worth it.
Nobody has the right to tell you that
you’ll never be good enough.
You’re either worthy of praise or mercy.
This is just how life goes.

— irishjulienne, worth

Once you’ve given love, you cannot take it back.

But you can save yourself from giving more.

You do not have to forgive people. But you won’t be able to forget them too.

Be hurt for the right reasons. Unfold the grudges and move forward.

❝ I’ve forgotten how spring smells; the blossoming tulips and dancing dandelions, since the day you left.

❝ Our hearts are framed like a love portrait.

Someone once told me that in this life, we need different kinds of love.
It is necessary for us to feel pain at times so we can figure out what we really want and what we really need.
There are instances that what we want is something that we don’t actually need. That being said, love can be a luxury.
The moment he told me this, I suddenly realized that it was just his graceful way of saying goodbye.
My love is not something that will satisfy him. He craved for more, something I cannot give.
For him my love is just another type of love out there; a love he has gotten used to.
But he was right. I’ve found the kind of love I’ve been looking for in the arms of another soul.
And he was there, standing at my doorstep feeling the rain and cold, begging to give my love back again.

— irishjulienne, a different kind of love

I dream of one day meeting you at a coffee shop in Boston. We will not drink coffee because I know it’s bad for you. So instead we will order two milkshakes or perhaps yogurt.

I dream of one day meeting your dad. I wanted to meet him and tell him your secret. You told me you love him but you never had the chance to show it because he hates you. I think you’re just too shy to admit that you’ve been living with a stranger for 22 years. But maybe it’s time to swallow your pride and reconcile. I’ll tell him his son loves him so much. Let’s stop the hurting.

I dream of one day visiting your mini library. I’ll read to you the poem you gave me back when I was still a teenager. You said it was originally a rap song and I never liked listening to rap music but because you wrote it and because it was written for me, I really fell hard for it.

I dream of one day playing with your son. We will watch SpongeBob SquarePants and I’ll tell him that each character represents the devils inside us. Together we shall sin. Our sins will be so deadly and unforgivable sometimes I wish God does not exist. But He does and this is something I firmly believed in but often I take for granted.

I dream of one day going to the cemetery with you to visit your deceased mother. Together we will find out how she died. The mystery of her death continues to engulf you and I can’t blame you. You were just a kid back then. You ran away from home, smoked some weeds and fucked a lot of bitches you bumped into. No, I don’t blame you. It wasn’t your fault. But you had a choice and you chose wrong. Despite all these, I will hold your hand; cover your palms with mine just so you can feel the warmth you’ve never felt for a long time.

I dream of one day sitting at the bench at your backyard while you narrate to me the history of your tattoo. It says, in memory of Pauline. I know Pauline was your grandma. But I want to know her more. You said she was your favorite and I envy her. I want to be your favorite too. Any kind of favorite will do.

I dream of one day cuddling with you in the couch while the snow is falling outside. I want you to touch me until I can no longer remember how it hurts to be touched for the first time.

I dream of one day letting you inside me. It always leaves me wondering how it feels to have a white man inside you. I want to discover more about your body. I want to love every flaw and every scar I will find imprinted on your skin because they are a part of you.

I dream of one day loving you because as of today, I’m not really quite sure if what I’m feeling is love or confusion or just a mere pity.

— irishjulienne, one day

❝ Beautiful things do not always happen in beautiful places just like a lotus flower growing in the mud.

❝ In my dream you were not a dream. 
      I struggled to wake up 
          only to find out you were nowhere.
I seek for you in my skin sometimes. 
        Then I’d say, 
           ‘Oh there you are. 
I was just about to write you’.

❝ We can not survive in museums.
We can not survive not touching.
We can not survive being stared at
as if they do not believe we are art enough.

— irishjulienne, why museums are too good for us, love 

sleep is good, but books are better <3

♥ 3

you’re nothing but a reminder of how hard i fall for the wrong people // i am a moth and you are the light.

“I want that unexpected kind of love. The one where you never know what’s going to happen next, but you trust and believe that everything will be okay.”

"I find beauty in all things authentic, pure, and eternal. 
And so I value honesty, I value holiness, and I value the soul."



autumn look: faux fur coat with nothing but expensive lingerie underneath, glitter boots, dark purple lipstick & the tears of my ex lovers as my cheekbone highlight

crying is an art, like everything else."


I saw you in a grocery store today. Actually, I don’t know if it was you. But it could have been. I saw you in a post office the day before. I’ll see you in a photo in the newspaper tomorrow. On the bus the day after that. Someday it will really be you.


Oh no. Oh no. Oh no oh no. Oh no oh no oh no oh no. You’ve made a terrible mistake only you can see and it looks like something beautiful.

You are not prepared for this not ending how you want it to. And you are really not prepared for this ending how you want it to.

A man unrequitedly in love will stand outside your home and knock, throw, kick, holler, relentless in pursuit. Foreign to the idea of a space he is unwelcome in. A woman unrequitedly in love will sit. She’s far away from your house. She knows it’s not for her. She will wait, she has gifts prepared if she is ever invited in. She has herself prepared if she’s not.

God’s not pleased that I pray for you so much.

You are the girl of his dreams. You’re the girl of my dreams. You’re the girl of your own dreams. You’re a passing character in everyone else’s dreams. They are all of your dreams too. What you need to find is one of your waking hours.

I am speaking about you to you in a loud voice and you cannot hear me.

Men don’t tell jokes they reveal truths they’re so detached from they find it laughable and absurd.

i wonder what it would be like to start all over again? to do things on your terms, would you just end up the same way in the end?

don’t want anything from you except my time back.

right now i dont know why, but soon, we all will.

oh, please. don’t do to me what i’ve done to other people.

everything you’re worried about will not exist in one hundred years, no one will remember the times you were in pain and no one will remember that you were in love.

i feel like there are words unsaid everywhere. they are on fingertips, in eyes, in mouths. if words are left unsaid, do they exist at all?

it feels like i’m selling my soul just for scraps of attention

I miss what I thought you were. You never existed. I am better without you. Nostalgia is a liar.

even though what we shared had me dying, nostalgia still creeps in through the window and whispers about you.

“who is this?” was your last text message. lined with ice - a testament to our failing relationship. i felt cold but it sparked a sudden change of color and feeling within me. “who is this?” is the question i should’ve been asking myself about you from the moment things fell out of place. who is this and where is the person who’s last, sincere, spoken words to me were “you’ll always have me.”

in another time, we have found each other again. we don’t hate each other for the pain we’ve caused one another. i look over at you, we’re floating in the most beautiful sunset, holding each other’s hands. our hearts were never broken because after all that time, we learned how to love each other right. i’m sorry it took us so long.

everyone has tiny wishes that they think of as they’re counting stars, their eyes heavy with sleep and with the thought of fulfilling their desires once upon a dream. i cannot help but wonder what yours are

don’t leave if you can’t let them go

we held hands under the golden sunlight. we watched the earth revolve, the clouds moving over our noses. we laid in silence, in the perfect moment you called a fancy word I can’t remember. I looked into your chocolate eyes but you kept looking away, why couldn’t you look at me? now we don’t talk and I can’t remember your face.

i honestly don’t think i even love you but all i care about is why you don’t love me

It’s so stupid how we ended over such petty things.

you always told me to stay but you’re the one who left

You are such a bright light, but you flicker and waver. I could never count on you to keep me warm.

Maybe it could be me next time. Maybe we could try again.

I miss you but I’m happy you’re with better people now

does the devil know my name yet?

gloomy fall mornings, yellow lights of street lamps, ginger tea in pale china, faded ripped tights beneath holiday lights, cold cold bones beneath warm fragile skin, soft lips on lavender scented collarbones in an unmade bed.

a single life can be made better by millions of others, and vice versa. we are all connected, after all. 

i wonder how it feels for you to be in love with the wrong girl.

you asked me what kept me up all night, little did you know it was you.

was i too much or was i not enough? whatever the answer, it’ll still hurt

in a week, things will have changed. in a month, i’ll have forgotten this. in a year, we will see the results.i hope we’re happy with them.

nothing lost, nothing gained.

i only loved you because you didn’t love me back.

i’m out of breath thinking about the conversations that we should’ve had.

he won’t remember, but I will.

take note of the little things, they always add up in the end.

i find myself searching for you in every man

i will cherish your words even after we part.

you are my happily never after

i want to be in your life at least for a moment so that you may look back upon what we shared someday and smile inwardly

in the end, it was and will always be their loss. keep moving forward.

you were unintentional until you weren’t, and I never realized how serious it was until you cut me off.

everything I wanted to give you was everything you couldn’t take.

i pray to god that one day you will think about me and realize what a big mistake you made.

we were perfect, just not for each other

the universe is telling me that it’s easier to fall apart than to fall in love. it’s getting harder and harder to tell the difference.

people forget that poison can be sweet too

reconnect with those who made flowers bloom in your soul

life becomes so much more beautiful when you think of everything as art. the sky the fields the empty roads after a rainstorm. everything is so peaceful so beautiful so natural

your silence hurt me more than your words ever did

i’m haunted by the fact that you always knew that i was temporary 







I know that I have died before—once in November.

i won’t glorify or romanticize heartbreak, for me it was a kind of death and i was forced to keep living.



It’s not that you’re feeding his ego, it’s that his ego is being fed. He’d be content with anyone doing it.

“Real love? I guess when you love despite all the differences, when you unconsciously make compromises, when there is that madness inside you and when it makes you a better person. I always wish that if we are all in love all the time, the world would be a better place.”

Why is Dostoyevski Idiot one of your favourite books?
I find it extremely interesting because Dostoyevski was a great psychologist and his descriptions about the human soul are extensive and detailed.

“Real love comes when you less expect it. Who ever gets real love should feel very lucky. Glad I just found mine.”

Promising evening ahead....



they didn’t text you back because they didn’t want to ok??? go do a clay mask its fine

Her phone gets hot from texting you so much. It makes her hands warm. In lesser moments she imagines it’s like you’re holding them.

You did it wrong the first time so you had an excuse to keep doing it.

Me: tell me how pretty I look today
Him: you haven’t sent a picture I can’t see
Me: that was a conceptual visualization process and creative method exercise and you failed. You fucking failed. Your BFA was for nothing.

I am looking for a new man to disappoint me less often than the current one

It exists. It’s just not here right now. 

 You don't have to, but you do it anyway and it is nice.

everything you do is a learning experience. even if you learn the thing you do is something you really don’t want to do.

Men know honesty as a noun and women, as a verb.

Nothing, matters. But especially this nothing.

We live in a two bedroom house. It’s a small house. We sleep close together every night even when it’s hot. There is a table in the backyard. There is no grass. It’s mostly a garden. We grow a lot of vegetables and herbs. Every summer we see who can grow the best tomatoes. Mine are great, but yours are sublime. I don’t mind losing the tomato contest. I still get to eat all of them with you.

You sunbathe and I sit next to you under the shade of a large, painted umbrella. You are so beautiful that I feel nervous and excited. We cook together and you kiss me while I’m cutting something and I worry that I’ll cut myself, but I never do.

When we eat, we don’t sit across from each other. We sit on the same side of the table. We’re closer. Kissing with food in our mouths. Laughing with food in our mouths.

We both work early. Sometimes I will get up extra early and make us an absurdly large breakfast. We let the dirty pots and pans and dishes sit on the counter all day. I think about you while I work. I wonder if you’re thinking about me. I think so.

I try to show you a movie I like and you fall asleep halfway through. That’s alright. I can watch and you can sleep with your head on a pillow and your legs across mine. I look at you.

Avoiding talking about the same thing together is a communication.

It only keeps happening because you keep doing it.

You didn’t because I did. And I did because you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t because I could. I could because you could not. You could not because I am. And I am because you didn’t. You didn’t because I did. And I

Don’t say to a room full of people what you only want one person to hear.

Oh his ex girlfriends will all seem unsympathetic portraits until you become one.