"When I think of how many years it’s been since I have seen your face, held you close to my chest or kissed your lips, my hands shake and I can’t breathe. Some things don’t get easier with time. You just learn how to numb yourself to the suffering."
"Love is a wildflower you cannot plant in people. It alone decides where it grows. And if you smother it, it dies. But under very careful conditions, if the lighting’s just right and a little luck’s on your side, it might just bloom. And once it starts, it cannot be stopped."
"The night before last, under the million lights
of the city and the stars, I listened to you
speak. I watched your words drip slow like
melted gold from your lips. And I fell. There I
learned you could fall for a person even with
both feet planted firmly on the ground."
"I chose you, not because I think it will always be easy, but because with you I know that even on the dreadful, wretched, luckless days, when the troubles of the world are downpours of thick, clamouring, beating rain - you will laugh, take my hand, and whisper delightfully, Dance with me."
"Don’t wait around your whole life
for somebody who completes you.
That’s not how it works. You are the
sum of everybody you’ve ever lusted for
and loved. Drink life in through your
lips, dig your nails into its skin,
leave a couple of big blue hickeys
on the neck of it before you settle down.
A soul mate is not the whole picture,
remember that, they are just the final piece."
"I can’t make you any promises.” she said. “I
don’t know how I’ll feel tomorrow. You deserve
better than this. You deserve someone who can
give you something permanent.”
“I don’t care, none of that matters a bit. Don’t
you understand? I’d choose 5 minutes with
you,” I replied, “Over a lifetime with anyone
else."
▼
Beau Taplin || I miss you desperately despite the fact you were never here.
"Let me pin you up against the wall. Lips
parted. Our breathing heavy. Let me kiss you.
And prove to myself it is possible to have
everything I’ve ever wanted out of life all at
once."
"Goodbyes are so awful sometimes
they are difficult to say even to the
people you know you are supposed to
leave behind."
"In real life happy endings are a rarity. For the most part, endings are ordinary, and other times they are so sudden and unexpected they can hardly be considered endings at all. Some of the things you love the most will disappear without a trace and you’ll never really know where they went off to. You won’t always have the answers, kid. You won’t always find closure or receive compensation for the hurt. Sometimes, you’ve just got to take a breath, make peace with yourself, and do your best to move forward."
"If it hurts more than it makes you happy then
take the lesson and leave. Listen, it’ll be okay -
some people are only rehearsals for the real
thing."
"I’ll always want
what’s best for you.
even when
that means
my absence."
"Stay. I know it’s probably the wrong thing to do.
You and I have gone dark, we’re dead in the water,
and all we ever seem to do anymore is dream up
new, despicable ways to hurt each other.
Look, I’m under no illusions. I know this is the end
of the line for us. The damage has been done,
we’ve fallen too far. But for a few more moments,
do you think we could just forget all that?
Do you think we could dim the lights a little and lay here,
together, one last time? After all, we have the rest of
our lives to become strangers, to forget each other’s names,
to slowly fall apart. Please. Stay. Let’s be stupid and
irresponsible. Oh, can’t we? Tomorrow’s another day,
let’s worry about it then. Curl up into me my love.
Let me hold you. Stay. Just stay a little longer."
"It happened slow at first, small arguments here and there, sleeping in opposite directions, waking up on far ends of the bed. But that was only the beginning. Soon came the forced laughter, the half-smiles, the two of us speaking in a language of blinding white lies. Our secrets became a starless blanket of night between us. Then, came the late nights, the numberless texts, the excuses, the false promises, her lipstick on my teeth, his cologne on your skin. In the end, what you and I shared was not a relationship at all but an awful, prolonged goodbye. The two of us, for whatever reason, were both too terrified to take the final leap, to find the courage to say “It’s time.”"
"The best part of my day is that small muddled
space between wake and dream. Those quick,
awful seconds of fog when I feel for you
hopefully on your old side of the bed - and I
almost think you’re there."
"Do what you have to. It’s you in my heart. Whether you stay or leave."
"An American artist once sold an oversized
stainless steel balloon animal in New York
for $58.4 million. You decide your value."
"You were my roadmap. When you left I lost
my place in the world. And I’m still finding
my way back."
"It’s better to be
a stupid fool
for the one you love
than all together
for someone you
don’t."
"Better an
oops than
a what if."
"One day, whether you
are 14,
28
or 65
you will stumble upon
someone who will start
a fire in you that cannot die.
However, the saddest,
most awful truth
you will ever come to find––
is they are not always
with whom we spend our lives."
"You astonish me.” I said, all breathy and
nervous. “You could be standing in the centre
of a star and still be all I see."
"You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache
by understanding that falling in love
without that love reciprocated is just
falling."
"Pro life tip: If you learn how to stop looking
at human beings like belongings you won’t
feel so robbed when they leave."
"The next time you feel as though your life is a
mess, look around. The cosmos, the
constellations, this planet, you—look at all the
marvellous things that complete and utter
chaos can do."
are 14,
28
or 65
you will stumble upon
someone who will start
a fire in you that cannot die.
However, the saddest,
most awful truth
you will ever come to find––
is they are not always
with whom we spend our lives."
"You astonish me.” I said, all breathy and
nervous. “You could be standing in the centre
of a star and still be all I see."
"You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache
by understanding that falling in love
without that love reciprocated is just
falling."
"Pro life tip: If you learn how to stop looking
at human beings like belongings you won’t
feel so robbed when they leave."
▼
Beau Taplin || Room for one. "The next time you feel as though your life is a
mess, look around. The cosmos, the
constellations, this planet, you—look at all the
marvellous things that complete and utter
chaos can do."
"Sometimes, you don’t know what you’ve got
until it’s gone. And they leave, and you learn
to be more appreciative in the future — to be
less self centred. But what about all the times
that you do — when you know what you’ve
got, when you know how tremendously lucky
you are, when every day is a pleasure and
treasured for all that it is? I’ll tell you.
They leave, and that’s it — it’s neither your
fault or theirs, there’s no life lesson or greater
purpose. Sometimes, in life, good things just go.
And you never really get over them."
until it’s gone. And they leave, and you learn
to be more appreciative in the future — to be
less self centred. But what about all the times
that you do — when you know what you’ve
got, when you know how tremendously lucky
you are, when every day is a pleasure and
treasured for all that it is? I’ll tell you.
They leave, and that’s it — it’s neither your
fault or theirs, there’s no life lesson or greater
purpose. Sometimes, in life, good things just go.
And you never really get over them."
▼
Beau Taplin || I knew what I had and now it’s gone.
"My heart beats in almosts. It’s constantly in pursuit of those whom it desires but the moment it comes too close, it stops, turns, and bolts in the other direction. I hold onto what makes me miserable and I let the good things go. I’m self destructive.” I said. “It’s the way I’ve always been.”
“And why do you think that is?”
“Because it’s simpler to destroy something you love,” I said.
“Than it is to watch it leave."
“And why do you think that is?”
“Because it’s simpler to destroy something you love,” I said.
“Than it is to watch it leave."
▼
"I like to think loneliness is just the echo
of missing a person you haven’t had the
good fortune of meeting quite yet."
"It pains me to know you’re hurting
further than my arms can reach,
that I am unable to protect you with the entire
span of the Pacific between us,
that no number of emails or texts
or FaceTime minutes
can bandage the bruises
he hammers into your skin.
There are days I think of you
until the expression on my face
is a postcard he will not let you read:
I wish you were here,
I wish you were here,
I wish you were here.
I keep three clocks set to your timezone
as reminders
that my 2ams
are your almost middays,
that while the moon wanes in this sky
you are under the sun someplace else,
feeding breadcrumbs to birds in a park
wishing for wings of your own
and I imagine that for a fraction of a moment,
you’re not so afraid. Fly home to me.
Where the hands that hold you will tremble
with passion not violence.
Where you will not be a possession
but the universe I inhabit. Fly home to me."
And I learned ‘You deserve better’
was sometimes no more
than a synonym for ‘I don’t want to hurt you,
and I want you to be happy,
but I don’t love you anymore.
'
R.I.P to all the friendships where we acted like lovers at some point, and now we barely talk.
▼
1. No one’s happiness matters as much as yours.
2. If you don’t want to go somewhere, don’t.
You’ll end up having a horrible time & wishing you stayed home.
3. It’s okay to break plans/ cancel dates. It’s okay if you’d rather watch reruns of your favorite show all night instead of going out. It’s okay to take time for yourself. It is okay.
4. Overuse the word no.
5. Wear red lipstick & mascara every time you leave the house especially when you feel like shit.
6. Everybody has a type, you will not be everybody’s type & that is more than okay.
7. Love yourself. Love your body. Love every beauty mark on your face because no matter how long/healthy/curly your hair gets/ how much weight you lose/ gain, there will always be someone who still isn’t satisfied with you, fuck them.
8. Do everything you do, for yourself. Never make decisions around the opinions of others.
9. Fuck everyone’s opinion.
10. Have fun, drink too much, smoke every blunt that’s passed to you. Laugh at everything you find remotely funny.
11. One night stands don’t make you a slut but remember, your body is your home, don’t let just anyone inside of you. People leave pieces of themselves behind & there’s some things you just don’t want lingering. So always be mindful of who you’re sharing yourself with.
12. Your heart will be broken again & you’ll live through it.
13. Boys are stupid. Focus on things that make you happy until a real man comes along.
14. Know your worth. If he lies to you/ disrespects you/ cheats on you, leave. Don’t stick around, you’re better than that & he’s not sorry.
15. It’s okay to be alone, it’s actually healthy.
16. It’s important to love yourself more.
17. People leave.. even when you’re hysterical because you know it’s coming & they wipe your tears & kiss your face, promising you that they’ll always be there.. Sometimes they leave anyway, let them go.
18. Life goes on. Drink a glass of wine & get the fuck over it, whatever it is, it won’t even matter next year; so much won’t matter next year.
19. Ice cream can ease a hurting heart. Crying is a great release & nothing to be ashamed about. You’ll be called a bitch more times than you can count, be the baddest one, don’t let that shut you up. Always defend yourself. You won’t always regret drunk sex. Buy every book that catches your eye, there’s no such thing as too many books.
20. No one has your back like your mom.
21. You’re all you have. Don’t let anyone mistreat you. Don’t talk down about yourself. Obsess over yourself. Know how to turn yourself on & get yourself off because some boys aren’t that skilled. Don’t settle for shitty sex or boring conversation or dinner at a restaurant you hate. Drink alot of water & get way too much sleep.. Make sure you’re taken care of & happy because no one else is obligated to.
Wanna know the fucking truth? Nobody is fucking happy. Nobody has skin made from oil paint and sunlight. Nobody fucking understands this world. Fuck, nobody probably understands math as much as they claim. You’re here one day and the next you’re not. God? Religion? I’ve learned a lot more about the world by eating acid and swallowing pills. Tell me what your church has done for you? Tell me if you have holes in your mouth from speaking lies? Wanna know the fucking truth? Pity is just another word for pathetic. Drink beer and watch the sunrise from every rooftop. Take photographs naked. Take photographs kissing. Take photographs having sex. Stop making everything about sexuality. Wanna know the fucking truth? Nobody really gives a damn if you lost your virginity at fourteen or if you were the president in high school. Wanna know the fucking truth? There is no such thing as the right person. People leave. They change like ocean currents, they leave you with bruises in your calves. And you wanna know the fucking truth? You get better. You learn to love. You find God in between the cracks of a wall when you’re puking your limbs out. You wanna know the fucking truth? Go find it. -something someone should have told me when i was eighteen -
If we are the same person before and after we love, that means we haven’t loved enough
I hope that sometimes, even if it’s just for a second, you remember how much I loved you and how much you loved me and I hope it tears you apart because you regret leaving me just as much as I regret falling for you. - I won’t come back
I heard someone say that sometimes, sex is just sex-
And my heart shattered because they’re right.
Because sometimes the hands that touch your body,
Will never touch your heart.. or better yet, your soul-
And that’s unfortunate;
Because I wanted you to see me naked in more ways than one,
But you only came over to cum-
I should’ve known better.
I should’ve known that kisses on my thighs & well said lies,
Are all your lips will ever be good for.
Your finger tips were always so cold against my skin..
Maybe that’s why I let you in-
Maybe I thought the friction between our bodies would start a fire within these sheets-
But no matter how much love I poured into you,
You still seemed to be so empty..
Only because you didn’t want love from me.
You didn’t want my heart or to learn the song that it sings.
You didn’t want to fill the holes that were ripped into my soul..
You barely wanted me.
But I refuse to feel used or to rest in a bed of regret,
Because sometimes, sex is just sex.
- They say you are what you eat.. I’m sorry if I ever left you weak.
An “I miss you” won’t be enough
You’ll reply with an “I miss you too”
Our conversion will dry up with meaningless words
Of school and the weather
I was never the one who enjoyed short and sweet
I desired talks of life and describing what you make me feel -
You have killed me in the worst way because I am still alive.
afraid to say
"i’d like it very much if….
you’d stay and …..
lose sleep with me tonight”
not my misery needing company….
it is
just me ….
i might,
not feel lonely on most days…..
but tonight reminds me of Summer.
reminds me that i have
and am not
a kid now,
and that i am…
One day I will fall in love again.
I will meet someone willing to stay for more than just one night and he will love my hungry need and my eccentric ways of loving him.
He will be kind and passionate, poetic in more ways than words and he will make me into lyrics and string me into his own love song.
I will love him more than I ever loved you, and he will see that I am not as broken as you thought I was, that I am the enigma he swore himself to understand.
I will be happy. I will be loved. He will understand me more than you ever did despite my sluggish ways and my unkempt priorities and he will adore all of it. He will adore all of me.
I swear, I will be loved. I will forget that you ever called me beautiful once and I will regret ever wishing you to come back because you are not what I need and you are not who I want.
I want him and he will come and he will love me just as much as I will love him.
I will be okay.
You stopped choosing me. The end
If I could be anything I wanted; I would be the one that you love. - William Chapman
You can look at a scar and see hurt, or you can look at a scar and see healing.
One.
You see her for the first time and she’ll walk right past you like you are a crack in the wall and she is a skyscraper with her head so high in the air and when you can’t sleep you’ll think about the way her eyes strayed into yours for a moment too long before breaking away and disappearing into the crowd of people.
Two.
She’ll look both ways before telling you she loves you under her breath and when she hugs you her eyes scan the empty room as if the walls had eyes and ears and mouths that could give you away.
Three.
When she’s curled up on your lap shaking with mismatched breaths you’ll wonder how someone who looked like she carried mountains on her shoulders could crumble so easily in your arms like the tornado in her mind finally hit her and knocked her off her feet.
Four.
In half-light she’ll run her fingers over your arms like she is reading words carved into your skin, binding them together into the perfect metaphor and you’ll hear it playback in your head at 4am when your head runs wild with thoughts of her.
Five.
You’ll find a safe haven on rooftops and abandoned rooms where she’ll set fire to your insides with hushed breaths between kisses planted perfectly on your lips and make you wonder how dangerous it is to play with wild flames while your body is made of paper.
Six.
You’ll stare God right in the eye and tell him that if loving her was a sin then you want no place in heaven with him because the way her lips fit perfectly on your neck is a type of paradise you’ll never forget.
- The six stages of falling in love with her.
’m sorry that
I only called after
drinking six cups of coffee,
but something about shaking
always reminds me of you. - Shaking The Thought of You Away
Confidence is not ‘they will like me’
Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t’
you wrote your name on my heart in permanent marker but only let me write on yours in pencil
I hope one day
someone asks you
about him
and you laugh
instead of feeling
a double edged
dagger on your chest.
The most fucked up thing the universe can do to a person is send them the love of their life at the wrong time.
How could I love you after that? But I did, I did.
Sometimes I just want to remind you that I’m still alive.
I’m so desperate for your lips to speak my name.
Two boys have said it since you but it never sounds the same.
I think they could see you inside my eyes.
Your eyes put fires to shame.
I’m sorry that my eyes aren’t beautiful. They’re as black as your soul- maybe that’s why it hurt to love me. Maybe you saw too much pain when you looked at me.
I tried to forgive you for bruising
my ribs with your lips, the same lips you used to kiss her.
Do you remember that night I cried until 4 a.m? You layed me down & wrote an apology letter with your tongue; You weren’t sorry but my God, it felt like it.
Realizing that you were never sorry, that you still don’t regret breaking me like I was your mom’s favorite vase, taste like the very last time you kissed me goodbye.
You were never sorry & you knew you weren’t coming back.
- It’s been two years & I’m just now starting to accept that.
The biggest mistake you can make is holding onto someone who has already let you go
I knew I loved you when I started making excuses for the way you hurt me. -
if we never said goodbye, is it really over?
Some people come into your life just to teach you how to let go. -
I don’t know,
this writing poems about you shit is getting old,
You’re in bed at 2 a.m,
And I’m up making words rhyme with ‘what could’ve been’-
When you made her body your home,
you said fuck what we could’ve been,
without it leaving your lips.
Your incredibly soft lips,
I hope she can taste our memories on them,
Remember when your 2 a.m’s were spent in between my thighs,
using your tongue to write me love letters the only way you knew how to?
I do.
I hate to admit it but fuck- I miss you,
I miss you so much that our old pictures make me cry,
all those smiles look like lies now.
I don’t need you but it would be easier to breathe with you around.
Everything is so much easier when you’re around.
I don’t know how to fall out of love with you,
not after all these years of drowning in it.
And I’m afraid to kiss someone new because what if they can taste your tears on my lips from the night I kissed them off your cheeks?
What if they can taste our tragedies?
Because that’s all I can remember.
An angel died inside of me & you said you were sorry.
But you’re always sorry.
- I’m writing about you while you’re sleeping with her & it’s killing me. This sadness is killing me.
I’m not sure that if we had a second chance at making it work, I’d take it because I know how it ends because I know what this is and I know what it’s not. Maybe six months ago or even three, you could’ve called me and apologized and I wouldn’t have hesitated to tell you that I am still in love with you but it’s different now and it’s not sixth months ago. I haven’t spoken to you in quite a while now and I don’t think it matters anymore, and that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you anymore because I do, it just means that I have stopped thinking that loving you from a distance is something I should be ashamed of. Instead I think now that I’ve always had a good heart, and that maybe that’s not such a terrible thing in a world like this. - Good hearts
kissing you wasn’t fireworks
i didn’t feel the stars align
i didn’t feel a fairytale feeling
when i kissed you
it felt like coming home
it felt like jumping into a pool
on a hot summers day
it felt like coming up for air
it felt the pieces of me
just fell into place
when i kissed you
i tasted forever
and everyday i regret
that you didn’t feel the same.
I like to feel his eyes on me when I look away. -Before Sunrise, 1995
I wish it hurt you too.
I wonder if you ever listen to our song. I mean, do you ever just put it on and miss the fuck out of me?
And I wonder, are those the same times, That I’m missing you
Listening to our song, too?
I would have followed him to hell if he had asked me, and maybe I did.
Beau Taplin || T h e A w f u l T r u t h
of missing a person you haven’t had the
good fortune of meeting quite yet."
"It pains me to know you’re hurting
further than my arms can reach,
that I am unable to protect you with the entire
span of the Pacific between us,
that no number of emails or texts
or FaceTime minutes
can bandage the bruises
he hammers into your skin.
There are days I think of you
until the expression on my face
is a postcard he will not let you read:
I wish you were here,
I wish you were here,
I wish you were here.
I keep three clocks set to your timezone
as reminders
that my 2ams
are your almost middays,
that while the moon wanes in this sky
you are under the sun someplace else,
feeding breadcrumbs to birds in a park
wishing for wings of your own
and I imagine that for a fraction of a moment,
you’re not so afraid. Fly home to me.
Where the hands that hold you will tremble
with passion not violence.
Where you will not be a possession
but the universe I inhabit. Fly home to me."
And I learned ‘You deserve better’
was sometimes no more
than a synonym for ‘I don’t want to hurt you,
and I want you to be happy,
but I don’t love you anymore.
Firstly, let me be the absence in your chest, secondly, let me be the one who fills it.
“You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.”
'
Unrequited love? Let go off that person, move on. It may be hard at first but it’s much better than dwelling on the past and missing opportunities and relationships that could be much better.
“I’m tired of trying to fill up my empty spaces with things I don’t need and people I don’t like.”
I know it’s selfish, but I hope you won’t be able to breathe without me.”
There was never going to be an “us” because you wanted to be missed more than you wanted to be loved.
“If the truth shall kill them, let them die.”
R.I.P to all the friendships where we acted like lovers at some point, and now we barely talk.
▼
1. No one’s happiness matters as much as yours.
2. If you don’t want to go somewhere, don’t.
You’ll end up having a horrible time & wishing you stayed home.
3. It’s okay to break plans/ cancel dates. It’s okay if you’d rather watch reruns of your favorite show all night instead of going out. It’s okay to take time for yourself. It is okay.
4. Overuse the word no.
5. Wear red lipstick & mascara every time you leave the house especially when you feel like shit.
6. Everybody has a type, you will not be everybody’s type & that is more than okay.
7. Love yourself. Love your body. Love every beauty mark on your face because no matter how long/healthy/curly your hair gets/ how much weight you lose/ gain, there will always be someone who still isn’t satisfied with you, fuck them.
8. Do everything you do, for yourself. Never make decisions around the opinions of others.
9. Fuck everyone’s opinion.
10. Have fun, drink too much, smoke every blunt that’s passed to you. Laugh at everything you find remotely funny.
11. One night stands don’t make you a slut but remember, your body is your home, don’t let just anyone inside of you. People leave pieces of themselves behind & there’s some things you just don’t want lingering. So always be mindful of who you’re sharing yourself with.
12. Your heart will be broken again & you’ll live through it.
13. Boys are stupid. Focus on things that make you happy until a real man comes along.
14. Know your worth. If he lies to you/ disrespects you/ cheats on you, leave. Don’t stick around, you’re better than that & he’s not sorry.
15. It’s okay to be alone, it’s actually healthy.
16. It’s important to love yourself more.
17. People leave.. even when you’re hysterical because you know it’s coming & they wipe your tears & kiss your face, promising you that they’ll always be there.. Sometimes they leave anyway, let them go.
18. Life goes on. Drink a glass of wine & get the fuck over it, whatever it is, it won’t even matter next year; so much won’t matter next year.
19. Ice cream can ease a hurting heart. Crying is a great release & nothing to be ashamed about. You’ll be called a bitch more times than you can count, be the baddest one, don’t let that shut you up. Always defend yourself. You won’t always regret drunk sex. Buy every book that catches your eye, there’s no such thing as too many books.
20. No one has your back like your mom.
21. You’re all you have. Don’t let anyone mistreat you. Don’t talk down about yourself. Obsess over yourself. Know how to turn yourself on & get yourself off because some boys aren’t that skilled. Don’t settle for shitty sex or boring conversation or dinner at a restaurant you hate. Drink alot of water & get way too much sleep.. Make sure you’re taken care of & happy because no one else is obligated to.
Wanna know the fucking truth? Nobody is fucking happy. Nobody has skin made from oil paint and sunlight. Nobody fucking understands this world. Fuck, nobody probably understands math as much as they claim. You’re here one day and the next you’re not. God? Religion? I’ve learned a lot more about the world by eating acid and swallowing pills. Tell me what your church has done for you? Tell me if you have holes in your mouth from speaking lies? Wanna know the fucking truth? Pity is just another word for pathetic. Drink beer and watch the sunrise from every rooftop. Take photographs naked. Take photographs kissing. Take photographs having sex. Stop making everything about sexuality. Wanna know the fucking truth? Nobody really gives a damn if you lost your virginity at fourteen or if you were the president in high school. Wanna know the fucking truth? There is no such thing as the right person. People leave. They change like ocean currents, they leave you with bruises in your calves. And you wanna know the fucking truth? You get better. You learn to love. You find God in between the cracks of a wall when you’re puking your limbs out. You wanna know the fucking truth? Go find it. -something someone should have told me when i was eighteen -If we are the same person before and after we love, that means we haven’t loved enough
I hope that sometimes, even if it’s just for a second, you remember how much I loved you and how much you loved me and I hope it tears you apart because you regret leaving me just as much as I regret falling for you. - I won’t come back
I heard someone say that sometimes, sex is just sex-
And my heart shattered because they’re right.
Because sometimes the hands that touch your body,
Will never touch your heart.. or better yet, your soul-
And that’s unfortunate;
Because I wanted you to see me naked in more ways than one,
But you only came over to cum-
I should’ve known better.
I should’ve known that kisses on my thighs & well said lies,
Are all your lips will ever be good for.
Your finger tips were always so cold against my skin..
Maybe that’s why I let you in-
Maybe I thought the friction between our bodies would start a fire within these sheets-
But no matter how much love I poured into you,
You still seemed to be so empty..
Only because you didn’t want love from me.
You didn’t want my heart or to learn the song that it sings.
You didn’t want to fill the holes that were ripped into my soul..
You barely wanted me.
But I refuse to feel used or to rest in a bed of regret,
Because sometimes, sex is just sex.
- They say you are what you eat.. I’m sorry if I ever left you weak.
An “I miss you” won’t be enough
You’ll reply with an “I miss you too”
Our conversion will dry up with meaningless words
Of school and the weather
I was never the one who enjoyed short and sweet
I desired talks of life and describing what you make me feel -
You have killed me in the worst way because I am still alive.
afraid to say
"i’d like it very much if….
you’d stay and …..
lose sleep with me tonight”
not my misery needing company….
it is
just me ….
i might,
not feel lonely on most days…..
but tonight reminds me of Summer.
reminds me that i have
and am not
a kid now,
and that i am…
One day I will fall in love again.
I will meet someone willing to stay for more than just one night and he will love my hungry need and my eccentric ways of loving him.
He will be kind and passionate, poetic in more ways than words and he will make me into lyrics and string me into his own love song.
I will love him more than I ever loved you, and he will see that I am not as broken as you thought I was, that I am the enigma he swore himself to understand.
I will be happy. I will be loved. He will understand me more than you ever did despite my sluggish ways and my unkempt priorities and he will adore all of it. He will adore all of me.
I swear, I will be loved. I will forget that you ever called me beautiful once and I will regret ever wishing you to come back because you are not what I need and you are not who I want.
I want him and he will come and he will love me just as much as I will love him.
I will be okay.
You stopped choosing me. The end
If I could be anything I wanted; I would be the one that you love. - William Chapman
You can look at a scar and see hurt, or you can look at a scar and see healing.
One.
You see her for the first time and she’ll walk right past you like you are a crack in the wall and she is a skyscraper with her head so high in the air and when you can’t sleep you’ll think about the way her eyes strayed into yours for a moment too long before breaking away and disappearing into the crowd of people.
Two.
She’ll look both ways before telling you she loves you under her breath and when she hugs you her eyes scan the empty room as if the walls had eyes and ears and mouths that could give you away.
Three.
When she’s curled up on your lap shaking with mismatched breaths you’ll wonder how someone who looked like she carried mountains on her shoulders could crumble so easily in your arms like the tornado in her mind finally hit her and knocked her off her feet.
Four.
In half-light she’ll run her fingers over your arms like she is reading words carved into your skin, binding them together into the perfect metaphor and you’ll hear it playback in your head at 4am when your head runs wild with thoughts of her.
Five.
You’ll find a safe haven on rooftops and abandoned rooms where she’ll set fire to your insides with hushed breaths between kisses planted perfectly on your lips and make you wonder how dangerous it is to play with wild flames while your body is made of paper.
Six.
You’ll stare God right in the eye and tell him that if loving her was a sin then you want no place in heaven with him because the way her lips fit perfectly on your neck is a type of paradise you’ll never forget.
- The six stages of falling in love with her.
’m sorry that
I only called after
drinking six cups of coffee,
but something about shaking
always reminds me of you. - Shaking The Thought of You Away
Confidence is not ‘they will like me’
Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t’
you wrote your name on my heart in permanent marker but only let me write on yours in pencil
I hope one day
someone asks you
about him
and you laugh
instead of feeling
a double edged
dagger on your chest.
The most fucked up thing the universe can do to a person is send them the love of their life at the wrong time.
How could I love you after that? But I did, I did.
Sometimes I just want to remind you that I’m still alive.
I’m so desperate for your lips to speak my name.
Two boys have said it since you but it never sounds the same.
I think they could see you inside my eyes.
Your eyes put fires to shame.
I’m sorry that my eyes aren’t beautiful. They’re as black as your soul- maybe that’s why it hurt to love me. Maybe you saw too much pain when you looked at me.
I tried to forgive you for bruising
my ribs with your lips, the same lips you used to kiss her.
Do you remember that night I cried until 4 a.m? You layed me down & wrote an apology letter with your tongue; You weren’t sorry but my God, it felt like it.
Realizing that you were never sorry, that you still don’t regret breaking me like I was your mom’s favorite vase, taste like the very last time you kissed me goodbye.
You were never sorry & you knew you weren’t coming back.
- It’s been two years & I’m just now starting to accept that.
The biggest mistake you can make is holding onto someone who has already let you go
I knew I loved you when I started making excuses for the way you hurt me. -
if we never said goodbye, is it really over?
Some people come into your life just to teach you how to let go. -
I don’t know,
this writing poems about you shit is getting old,
You’re in bed at 2 a.m,
And I’m up making words rhyme with ‘what could’ve been’-
When you made her body your home,
you said fuck what we could’ve been,
without it leaving your lips.
Your incredibly soft lips,
I hope she can taste our memories on them,
Remember when your 2 a.m’s were spent in between my thighs,
using your tongue to write me love letters the only way you knew how to?
I do.
I hate to admit it but fuck- I miss you,
I miss you so much that our old pictures make me cry,
all those smiles look like lies now.
I don’t need you but it would be easier to breathe with you around.
Everything is so much easier when you’re around.
I don’t know how to fall out of love with you,
not after all these years of drowning in it.
And I’m afraid to kiss someone new because what if they can taste your tears on my lips from the night I kissed them off your cheeks?
What if they can taste our tragedies?
Because that’s all I can remember.
An angel died inside of me & you said you were sorry.
But you’re always sorry.
- I’m writing about you while you’re sleeping with her & it’s killing me. This sadness is killing me.
I’m not sure that if we had a second chance at making it work, I’d take it because I know how it ends because I know what this is and I know what it’s not. Maybe six months ago or even three, you could’ve called me and apologized and I wouldn’t have hesitated to tell you that I am still in love with you but it’s different now and it’s not sixth months ago. I haven’t spoken to you in quite a while now and I don’t think it matters anymore, and that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you anymore because I do, it just means that I have stopped thinking that loving you from a distance is something I should be ashamed of. Instead I think now that I’ve always had a good heart, and that maybe that’s not such a terrible thing in a world like this. - Good hearts
kissing you wasn’t fireworks
i didn’t feel the stars align
i didn’t feel a fairytale feeling
when i kissed you
it felt like coming home
it felt like jumping into a pool
on a hot summers day
it felt like coming up for air
it felt the pieces of me
just fell into place
when i kissed you
i tasted forever
and everyday i regret
that you didn’t feel the same.
I like to feel his eyes on me when I look away. -Before Sunrise, 1995
I wish it hurt you too.
I wonder if you ever listen to our song. I mean, do you ever just put it on and miss the fuck out of me?
And I wonder, are those the same times, That I’m missing you
Listening to our song, too?
I would have followed him to hell if he had asked me, and maybe I did.
Beau Taplin || T h e A w f u l T r u t h
